Dating : Constant Rejection Leads to Fear of Rejection
My good friend has been talking to me about his successes with women, trying to rub off on me so I can also be successful too. Successful meaning dates, hookups, or even long term, everything. Needless to say over the years I have been nearly shut out when it comes to dating. He stresses that I need confidence and to « glow » with personality. I insist he has an overall physical advantage at 6’4 with a V-shape profile. I am merely 5’5, but on the athletic side. I swear I do what he suggests by getting out there and meeting women in person in public, not funneling all my ducks into dating apps. I get a lot of rejection, which leads to fear of rejection. He doesn’t understand that when you are beaten over and over again, it leads to the « don’t touch the hot stove » reaction in the brain. I don’t have a lot of drive to be rejected like I do. He can go out and absolutely kill it which keeps his confidence sky high. I have witnessed women just approach him straight up. I actually think it’s amazing and awesome, I tell him that all the time.
As the title says, I just realized how much rejection leads to fear of rejection.
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Have you ever considered that if you are getting rejected as much as you say, you might be doing it wrong?
Do you feel confortable approaching girls like that? Because, it sounds to me like you’re introverted trying to act like a extroverted, what works for your friend maybe won’t work for you because it feels like you’re acting and not being authentic. Maybe if you look how to flirt being a introverted may help you.
I find more rejection just leads to not caring about rejection and I’m able to put myself out there even more.
>He stresses that I need confidence and to « glow » with personality.
Your buddy clearly has natural confidence and personality. This is just bad coaching.
>I insist he has an overall physical advantage at 6’4 with a V-shape profile. I am merely 5’5, but on the athletic side. I swear I do what he suggests by getting out there and meeting women in person in public, not funneling all my ducks into dating apps.
This is Michael Jordan trying to teach middle schoolers how to shoot fadeaways from the baseline.
>He doesn’t understand that when you are beaten over and over again, it leads to the « don’t touch the hot stove » reaction in the brain.
But you keep trying to follow his advice? Whats the problem exactly? That this good looking dude doesn’t understand what a non good looking dude is going through?
It also seems like you dont understand that without failure, you can’t really see success. How do you know what success is unless you’ve felt the pain of failure? Thats what makes things worthwhile. Things aren’t just handed to most of us.
> I don’t have a lot of drive to be rejected like I do. He can go out and absolutely kill it which keeps his confidence sky high.
Right…because he’s got natural talent…which you dont have. I think you’re beating a dead horse here.
>I have witnessed women just approach him straight up. I actually think it’s amazing and awesome, I tell him that all the time.
Sounds like you’re man-crushing over this dude. Whats the point of this post again?
>As the title says, I just realized how much rejection leads to fear of rejection.
Oh right, you realized that bad things happening will make you assume it’ll happen again. This is literally how life works. What did you expect? If only good things happened, you would become numb to that too.
If people simply didn’t proactively solve problems because of « fear, » then our humanity would probably cease to exist. Go with what is evolutionarily viable, and make some progress. Blaming fear will do nothing for you.