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Dating : Crush (who i actually think likes me) posts Daniel Sloss « We have romanticized the idea of romance, and it is cancerous » bit on fb and I am not sure what to think.

Dating : Crush (who i actually think likes me) posts Daniel Sloss « We have romanticized the idea of romance, and it is cancerous » bit on fb and I am not sure what to think.


Ok so background. I like this girl. She is a bit far now, so I don’t act on it. But we have met a bunch of times and, when we do, I have gotten a sense maybe there is something. She is cool. Like really cool. Super smart and unique. Super creative and talented. And she is an artist. And into video games. I think most guys would love a girl like this, and she definately has a bunch of guys after her.

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Anyway, I recently got her fb and I do not know what to make of it. I think it is a bit of a mistake since now she can see a bit more of me and the parts of her that impressed me in person might not be what she though. Consequently i see a bit more of her and i love everything she does.

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However, it is weird since she does seem to have trouble with romance. I really don’t get it, since who wouldn’t want to date her, and she is pan so she has a TON of options. Anyway, recently she posts this.

>We have romanticized the idea of romance, and it is cancerous.
>
>When you raise children in that world where everything points towards love, and everything’s perfect on the outside, when we become an adult for the first time in our late teens and early 20s, we’re so terrified.
>
>We’re trying so hard to be an adult, that some of us will take the wrong person, the wrong jigsaw piece and just fucking jam them into our jigsaws anyway, denying that they clearly don’t fit.
>
>’I’m gonna force this person into my life, because i’d much rather have something than nothing.’
>
>People are more in love with the idea of love than the person they are with.
>
>55% marriages end in divorce. If those were the stats for surgery, none of us would fucking risk it.
>
>But because it’s love and we’re stupid we just lie on the operating table like, « Maybe this time I won’t die inside. »
>
>There’s nothing wrong with being alone.
>
>There’s nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to work out who you are, because how can you offer who you are if you don’t know who you are?
>
>There’s nothing wrong with being selfish for a bit, because you’ve got the rest of your life to be selfless
>
>If you only love yourself about 20%, that means somebody can come along and love you like 30%, and you’re like « Wow that’s so much. » It’s literally less than half.
>
>Whereas if you love yourself 100% a person that falls in love with you has to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special.

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I have seen a LOT of women say this. I don’t get it. I’ve reasoned self love isn’t a thing you just do. It is an action that, if anything, takes discipline. Like eating right and maintaining good hygeine is an act of self love. But you don’t just sit there and suddenly love yourself without changing anything.

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Similiarly. The thing about « choosing » to stay alone is weird. For me, loneliness is a prison, not so much a choice. I mean I am trying to get a gf. But trying and often failing. So it is not like a relationship is something i can dive in.

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I feel like I have seen this story before. She probably either likes some guy that this super confident and a bit of an asshole. Or maybe she just has super high standards. I dunno. I find it when women say these thigns, it is always the case. Either way. I am sure I do not measure up .

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you know what. I guess, typing this, I realize now I’ve already lost. I mean really love a lot of things about this girl but that isn’t good enough. I’m not confident. And I am not the kind of guy she will ever really want. I know that now. Oh well. I’m like. Really heartbroken right now 🙁

What do you think?

3 Comments

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  1. Precisely what the other person commented.

    Everyone views relationships differently, and some considerably benefit from taking breaks from them in order to work on themselves. Some don’t see a nerd for them at all.

    That’s where that mindset comes from, for those who feel like they tend to lose themselves in relationships. Right now, she might have other things that she’s prioritizing more than relationships, and that’s completely within her rights, and may even be the best choice for her right now.

    No need to take it so personally and internalize it as a blitz against yourself.

    I took several years off from dating and relationships, and it was the absolute best choice for me, personally. And actually kind of addicting now, as I much prefer being single to dating. But I managed to learn a lot about myself and what matters to me through solitude. That’s just what some people need.

  2. You need to respect the fact that not everyone has the same goals, views or desire for a relationship as you do. People are completely entitled to autonomy and sometimes this means not wanting a relationship. I am one of these women. I prioritise my mental and physical health and my career over a relationship with the other sex. It’s not that you’re not good enough. Maybe she just isn’t looking for a relationship or doesn’t believe in them. It has nothing to do with you. You don’t know what she has been through or the experiences she has had.

    PS you can definitely like someone and still not want to be with them

  3. those words seem like an argument of and for realism. practical everyday realism.

    fact: the graceperiod of all relationship ends. it always will end at some point. what gives you the butterflies at start is the infatuation towards a fantasy-image of the other half. once time forges you a new understand of the one you are seeing, the kind of image that is entirely based on realism, thats the start of the real deal.

    nothing wrong in skipping the cheese straight up as the idea suggests.

    you are not screwed if your antics have been very realistic and own to earth. you do need to have THE talk with her. what does she assume from the thing between you two. would appear that you never have.

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