Dating : Dating is exhausting, I have a date on Saturday and feel like I’m still not over a date that went poorly a few weeks ago

Dating : Dating is exhausting, I have a date on Saturday and feel like I’m still not over a date that went poorly a few weeks ago

So a little while ago I went on a date for the first time in about a year. Some difficult personal things happened to me last summer and fall and so I kinda put my head down, focused on school/work/self-care for a while, and in the summer started getting back into dating. I ended up meeting a girl who I really clicked with, and she seemed really interested at first. I was really excited, and finally we managed to go on a date that I thought went pretty well. The whole story of this you can look at in my recent post history but basically towards the end of the date, I went in for a kiss and she reciprocated, and though I was going for a quick kiss she really took the lead and we ended up kissing for something like 10-15 minutes. I went away on trip for 2 weeks after that, thinking about her a lot and excited to see her again. When I messaged her on return though, she said she didn’t want to see me again because I kissed her without know whether she would want it or not. To be clear, she reciprocated and continued the kiss, and is basing this off of a short comment I made after we kissed that I was nervous to kiss her because I didn’t know how interested she was in me. Obviously, now I can see how saying that is a turn-off, but certainly not a consent issue.

Anyways after she told me that I was pretty upset. A lot of people on reddit said I was dodging a bullet or that she was just using that excuse for another reason why she wasn’t interested, but I can’t help but feel like I messed up, and still want to see her again. Also, normally when I’m upset I try to keep busy, and especially do lots of exercise, but shortly after that conversation I got sick and have just spent so much time in bed resting and bored, with too much time to think.

I have a date with another girl on Saturday. She seems really nice and I wish I was more excited but I’m just not. My head isn’t in the best place and I feel like I just won’t be giving this girl the opportunity to meet my best self. Besides that I’m just not as excited about her with the other girl still on my mind.

I feel like postponing this date will be the end of it too, and I feel bad for this girl who has been so patient. She’s just a nice girl who’s putting herself out there just like me, and if I cancel on her, or am just lame on the date, I could be the person who discourages her dating process, and the negative cycle continues. We’ve been talking since before my trip, and were supposed to meet this Wednesday but I postponed to Saturday because of my cold. Anyways, not much else to say, just had to vent. If you’ve read this far thank you for listening.