Dating : Dating someone amazing that I’m just not that attracted to…
I went through a terrible breakup a year ago and I finally met someone that I just click with on so many levels. We have similar interests, senses of humor, and he’s just genuinely kind. I think he’s amazing and I want to be attracted to him so badly…but I have to admit it’s not completely there for me. I’m kind of trying to talk myself into it. I’ve tried to date men in the past that I had absolutely no attraction for, so it’s definitely not that dire, but I still wish I were more attracted. I am somewhat, but not as much as I would hope to be. When he kisses me, I find myself more and more wanting to end it quickly. I’ve only been with my ex, who I dated for 5 years and honestly had a very high attraction to from the moment I met him. I always thought he was out of my league looks wise and he had plenty of experience with women so he was always self-assured and charming. I did love him and he was a good person overall, but I definitely believe my new guy is more caring and compassionate. However, I can also tell he’s less experienced with women and a little awkward. I don’t like having to take the lead so much. I miss the crazy physical chemistry I had with my ex. Despite the terrible match we were in the long run, we were always great in that department. I’m scared that some of my problem is that I’m not completely over my ex, and that my emotions are mixed in. But I’m also scared that I might just be meant to be friends with my new guy. I don’t want to place too much importance on the physical, but it’s hard to ignore. I can’t seem to find the whole package, but I don’t want to lose out on a great guy just because I don’t want to jump his bones every minute. Anyone have any experience with this or insight? I don’t want to hurt anyone or lead someone on, but I also don’t want to make a decision too soon that I’ll later regret. Help!
Hmmm…
Before I explain, I will be blunt and please understand that I only want to help.
I can understand but I feel as though you aren’t attracted to him because of looks and the experience.
You mention a lot of good qualities about the new guy and most of those qualities are what women want but at the same time, I feel as though you put too much emphasis on the whole physical part.
If your ex was terrible, as you say, then you should not compare this guy to your ex because that will just end up spiraling you in a vicious cycle where every guy you meet, you want him to be better than your ex or as good. Everyone is going to be different and you might discover something you like that you did not expect. I don’t know how long you have been with the new guy but you need to give him a reasonable amount of time before you make a decision to move onto the next guy. Now if you are not committed to each other then just go talk to other guys if you want. I do not see any wrong in that but I would not keep tugging his string unless he is serious about you.
Now I understand as well you do not want to lead the relationship. The way my ex-girlfriend (best friends now) helped with my experience was that she nurtured my good sides. You said he is « caring » and « compassionate ». I think you should bring that out of him more. Heck, you might have the most compassionate/sensual experience from him if you are able to get that out. He has less experience than you because maybe the women that he had before possibly didn’t encourage those good sides of him and it is hard to please women if there is no sort of direction.
If all hope is lost and you gave him enough chances then YES move on. At least you tried and made attempts. If you explained that to him most likely he will understand if he isn’t dense. If he is… then just move on.
Hope everything works out!
Don’t force something with a person that doesn’t send you swooning. Ugh I did that, it was awful seeing that face in the morning. And holding them and thinking is that all there is? My heart sank every time I saw people who were in love.
If you aren’t attracted to him, you cant force yourself to suddenly become attracted. I’ve heard of attraction growing with time with some people. But personally it has never happened. In either attracted from start or not at all.
I believe attraction and sex is important in a relationship and if it’s not it’s just a friend for me.
80 20 rule