Dating : Is it ok to not date people who engage in casual sex?
I (23M) am a non-religious guy with a healthy libido who doesn’t believe that casual sex is morally wrong. However, I think it is really gross and don’t understand the appeal. That is why I stay away from engaging in casual sex and have not tried to date anyone who I know is currently having casual sex.
A part of me thinks that it is ok to not date women because they choose to have casual sex since I think their behavior is really gross. We would have different views regarding the importance and role of sex in our lives. Another part of me thinks that some of these women could be good partners and that a relationship could still work even if we don’t have similar views or behavior when it comes to casual sex.
Am I wrong to avoid women who have casual sex?
I think it is okay. because you’re prioritising the love and passion in the relationship and if sex is just casual to someone it’s probably not something you or they could be able to handle.
It’s absolutely okay to. You are entitled to make any decision on who you date, whatever it is that factors in!
I agree with you, I don’t want to be dating someone who sleeps around, others may not care, some may be doing the same. You’re free to choose not to date those people just as they are free to date others who do the same. It’s not even necessarily a judgement, just you exercising your preference!
You’ll never be able to be a good partner to someone that you look down on, so if the fact that a woman has had casual sex before disgusts you then you shouldn’t date her. As long as you’re aware that this is *your* hang-up and doesn’t reflect on her suitability as a partner in general or her worth as a person, then it’s simply acknowledging that your sensitivities and her previous history make you incompatible as partners.
no you’re not wrong. plenty of people think the same way you do! it’s just a matter of finding that person who shares the same values as you do
I don’t think you’re wrong to do that. It’s your choice how you live your life, and no one can judge you for that. I think I’d personally lean more towards someone who wasn’t so casual as well.
Well, the people I have known in my life that had lots of casual sex got STDs, so in a sense you are on to something there. Casual sex scares me for that reason, I don’t think one night of passion is worth months or years of issues caused by an STD. There are other people that hold a similar viewpoint to yours.
I mean, I’m the same way where I’m not one who would engage in that sort of thing but that’s for different reasons. The casual thing ain’t for me but I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing someone who was. In my opinion, I wouldn’t let that be a telltale sign as to how they view sex. Maybe it’s just cause I try to be open-minded but I personally don’t think a person who engages in casual sex would value sex in a committed relationship any less than someone who didn’t like yourself. To me, as long as the connection between us is good then I don’t think it matters. Though you shouldn’t force yourself to be okay with it if it makes you feel that uncomfortable and it wouldn’t good for either of you if did. I hope my thoughts helped provide some insight in some way.
You’re entitled to your preferences no matter how unrealistic they are
I think this is a normal preference to have. Your attitude to sex, and under what circumstances you’re interested in engaging in it, are an important part of how you think about love and intimacy, and I think it’s important for two people that are dating to have similar attitudes to such things. Certainly it’s more important then their taste in music or movies. « Sexual liberals » and « sexual conservatives » are going to have a tough time seeing eye to eye on many related things.
The only caveat is that you should judge women on who they are today and not on who they used to be. A woman who frequently engaged in casual sex in the past may have changed her mind and be an excellent partner.
For what it’s worth, this is a pretty easy preference to comply with, most women are not particularly keen on casual sex, and a great many men aren’t either. Casual sex is over represented in the media, relatively few people actually engage in it.
Dude, “is it okay”? In your personal life you can date or not date whoever you want. Yes it’s okay. Is it okay to not date someone because of the color of their skin or their weight? Yes it’s okay… if you’re not attracted to someone or what they do, then don’t date them, you don’t owe anyone any explanations.
If that’s wrong I don’t want to be right.
You’re not wrong. It’s your own preference and standard. Anyone who makes you feel bad for it, it’s cause society makes it seem like it’s the norm and that everyone engages in casual sex which isn’t necessarily true. So don’t feel bad.
You’re not wrong to avoid them. You’re fine to have whatever hangups you do. But that other part of you that thinks you could still have a good relationship with someone even if you’re grossed out by the way they live their life is dead wrong. No relationship can work if the partners aren’t compatible in sexual matters. Don’t listen to that other part of you.
It is okay to not date people for literally any reason. You want to not date someone because they DON’T engage in casual sex? Go ahead man do you. Once the only date people with stds? Can’t say I’m vibe with that but you do you.
Yes, it is. There’s nothing wrong with your preferences. Only remember that, with the freedom of choice comes the responsibility of outcome. You’re free to reject anyone, for any reason, so don’t complain of your dating pool gets too small for that.
Iunno casual sex seems redundant you can just crank one out and get the same experience
I think that’s completely ok, because it goes both ways.
I am a woman who has had casual sex. I don’t care about the sexual past of the guy I’m seeing, but I do care about his feelings towards mine. If he feels my sexual past is gross, I would stay away from him too. As you said: different views.
It’s okay to date or not date anyone you want at all. Dating is not some baseline level of human dignity or respect, it’s a major active personal investment… you have to meet specific needs and have a productive dynamic and so on, not just think the person is tolerable or acceptable.
I think it is ok to have any preference for any reason.
However, I don’t think you should tell others about your preferences, especially if you are rejecting them. There is nothing wrong with casual sex, so if a woman who has a lot of casual sex approaches you and says, “I find you very attractive. Would you like to date me and have sex with me?” You should just say no thank you, and not bother to mention that you find her behavior disgusting.
no, you’re a man that has self-respect
I think coriander (cilantro) is really gross and don’t understand the appeal. Just can’t imagine someone else enjoying that terrible flavour. But I don’t judge others who may enjoy things I don’t, and it certainly doesn’t affect how compatible the two of us are. So yeah, as gross as I think coriander is, I’d date girls who eat it, no issues whatsoever. If I didn’t date people who had different preferences to mine, I wouldn’t be dating anyone, and if I did, it’d be really boring (like dating myself). Just (coriander-free) food for thought.
It’s your choice. It can be risky to date people who do casual sex because STDs like Mono (which can land you in the hospital) and Herpes just from kissing freak me out.
> Am I wrong to avoid women who have casual sex?
No.
But as you get older you’ll realize stuff like this doesn’t matter as much as you think it does, and the sooner you realize that the happier you’ll be.
IMO, you’re not “wrong” in that you’re allowed to do whatever you want and I don’t think your policy is hurting others, as long as you’re not shaming women for having casual sex or something.
But as an outsider, I wonder if you could be missing out on some great potential partners because of this policy. I’d suggest reflecting on your internal motivations a bit—you’re not very clear in this post about why you don’t want to be with people who have casual sex. Is it because you see sex as something that should only be had in a committed relationship, and want your partner to think the same way? What exactly makes casual sex “gross”?
Sex is normal and natural. And women enjoy it. As long as it’s not rooted in some hidden misogyny then you do you.
For reference, I knew someone many years ago who had this issue with his best friend. She was amazing but he thought she had been with too many people. She loved him and finally moved away. Took his dog too. He missed out and is involved with drugs and god knows what else. She moved on too. I personally always thought if he had given her a chance she would have been a better path.
My advice would be not to narrow someone out like this. Maybe they just did it when they were young and have grown since?
I’m more wondering how you’re going to approach the topic. Are you just going to come out and ask them? If they try to sleep with you right away or start the conversation off sexually I’d say I understand you. If you go on a date and have a really good connection and at the end of the night they want to have sex, will you just go home and write them off? Either way, it’s up to you what you’re ok with and what you aren’t.
You’re making a judgement about someone based on one trait. You aren’t taking into consideration that there might be reasons they participate in casual sex. Maybe they are just out of a bad relationship with a guy who was a jerk and lousy in bed and they don’t want to commit to someone new right away but want to experience better sex. Or they just want to experiment with different partners to figure out what they like and don’t like. Or they have a high libido and are a better person in general when they satisfy that need more often.
I know there are women who have casual sex as a way of compensating for various forms of abuse.
Women who choose to have casual sex usually are more confident in themselves, are willing to do what they believe is right for them, and, in my experience, learn better what kind of man they want to commit to and then fully commit to that man.
I’m not sure how you can tell what women are currently having casual sex so you can avoid them. What do you consider « casual sex »? Friends with benefits? One night stands? Any sex outside a committed relationship? Do you avoid male friends who have casual sex too?
Women are more than just who they are having sex with and why they are having sex. You are asking if you are wrong to avoid women who have casual sex. There is a whole plethora of reasons to avoid some women. Yes, I think you are wrong to avoid women for doing something that, in the long run, is a positive thing.
You’re allowed to have preferences and standards
You’re not wrong to avoid people who have casual sex as long as you aren’t judging them. Not everyone puts the same emphasis on sex as others you.
You can say this lifestyle isn’t for me but to outwardly say to someone which I hope you haven’t that they are disgusting to engage in casual sex is highly judgmental.
Sounds like your questioning whether or not you’d be okay with dating someone who’s had casual sex before? Again these are your preferences but I’d also ask why you find casual sex so disgusting?
Everyone has a past and you might find yourself one day falling for someone who by your standards would have been “gross and disgusting”.
As a cautionary note, if you’re planning on meeting women on most more common dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, etc), you may struggle a bit to find a partner with similar values, especially one you also happen to like. Casual sex isn’t quite a standard on dating apps, but it is kind of part of the culture and generally really common.
I think that is very respectful to your self , and would benefit if you find a partner who believes the same thing .. your less likely to be cheated on as well.. also you won’t have to worrie about STDs win! win !