Dating : Dealing with early dating arousal
So I(26M) have been going out with a girl(24F) that I met off the dating apps for about 3 weeks. We live about an hour apart from each other so we usually stick to weekend dates with the occasional weekday date. We’ve had sex once, but afterword she felt like we were moving a little quickly and wants to dial back. I understand her sentiment, but at the same time it’s a little frustrating because now I’m aroused around her all the time and I can’t think straight. Horny me is like an animal. I cant be myself or have a genuine conversation with someone because it’s always on my mind. This fades with time, but when the relationship early and dominated by lust it’s just the way I am. I kind of want to tell her no more sleep overs until shes ready to be intimate again, because otherwise I just lie there with my eyes open and an erection for 5 hours until I finally fall asleep at the crack of dawn. Is this an appropriate response? Am I being selfish? Any tips are appreciated.
I would tell her that it’s too hard for you to keep your hands off her if you stay the night with nothing else. Just go on dates and then go home. Maybe you should jerk off before dates to help with this? Lol
When I was in those initial phases, I tried to jack myself off like 2-3 times before a date. Makes it much easier.
Personally, I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. You’re doing your best to respect her boundaries, and some of us are just a lot more physical than others. My boyfriend is also pretty physical and went through a lot of the same things it seems you’re going through? At the time I was a virgin and didn’t want to have sex at all for the first few months. When he clarified how he was feeling about it and why, I wasn’t offended at all, I didn’t think he was selfish, and I didn’t feel pressured to start having sex with him (I didn’t fully know it at the time, but turns out I have a pretty high sex drive myself so I found the fact that he had a hard time keeping his hands off me pretty sexy itself). But yeah, it actually made it a lot easier for me to handle situations where he was getting frustrated or pent up because I knew where he was coming from and could understand why he was reacting to certain things I did in the way he was. In the weeks where I wasn’t ready I knew what to do and not to do to avoid making him feel certain ways because now he’d told me. Just sit down with her and be open about how you’re feeling; ‘I want to respect your boundaries, but I think you’re super fucking sexy and I’m a pretty physical person so it’s a little hard for me to sleep over. Anyway we can hold off on that until you’re ready?’ Contrary to what it seems a lot of other people are saying, I HIGHLY recommend not distancing yourself from her. You’ve already slept with her and if you start getting quieter and quieter now that she’s asked you to refrain from sex, she’s probably going to take it as ‘Fuck. He was only interested in having sex with me.’
Yeah just go on dates and go home because it will be really hard on you to sleep over and her say no to sex.
Is it doable? Sure.
Is it going to be extremely difficult and might you resent her for it if she puts you in that position many more times? Yes
It’s like a tease I’ll sleep over but you can’t have me
jerk off before the date to get it out of ur system and keep ur head clear.
I would just explain to her that you really like her. She may be worried that you’re more interested in sex and you may just need to explain that that’s not the case at all.
Stop chasing her, meaning, let her do most of the initiating with respect to calling and texting. If you’re doing most of it, you’re coming off as needy which is why she’s trying to slow stuff down.
I hate when people do this. Have sex and then say they don’t want to have sex again for a while. Its childish and annoying.
GIVE HER SOME DANN SPACE….
moving too fast = YOU TOO INTENSE…
Dont tell her nothing just don’t hit her up until she hits you up at this point…
And control your damn flesh… it’s not a good look cause we can tell you cant control your flesh you damn sure can’t control your mental or emotions. you probably push for sex also….. based on all this: if she gets emotinally bonded to you and close, you re gonna be a lunatic.
CHILL THE FUCK OUT. don’t worry about losing interest….
the fact that you are worrying about her losing interest Is making you desperate which ironically, makes her lose interest…..
and have other dates so that you aren’t so heavily invested in this one… it’s a necessary evil to take the edge off you
Frankly this « problem » is just dumb. It’s entirely on you and it makes you sound like a weak-willed reprobate. She should dump you because you’ll probably end up cheating or losing interest whether she fucks you every weekend or not anyway.
> she felt like we were moving a little quickly and wants to dial back.
That would be a redflag to me. Screams impulsive or insecure.
> when the relationship early and dominated by lust it’s just the way I am.
You need to jerk off before dates or learn some self control.