Dating : Did he lose all interest after sleeping with me?
Met this guy on Tinder. We’re the same age (31). Both foreigners in the city we live in. Went on three dates in total within two weeks (would have been a shorter timespan for sure but I had two business trips within that time frame). To me, he didn’t seem like a douchy guy, even though he was very attractive (and that always makes me suspicious, lol). All three dates went very well and we spent up to six hours together, and talked so much, had so much in common. Kissed the first three dates. I took him home on date #4, and even then he didn’t come off as a douchebag, didn’t pressure me to take him home or anything.
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After sex though, everything changed it seems. That was last Thursday, so 4 days ago. Sex was good, and I do think he thought the same, and he seemed to be extremely attracted to me. No cuddling at all after sex tho. He stayed over, but he left in the morning for work, same for me. Later that same day he would still message me asking how I am and if I’m tired, and our conversation would go on the entire weekend, but definitely less talking than before. He also didn’t ask me out again. I don’t want to ask him out because I asked him for the last date, and I do feel like he should do more effort if he’s actually interested, which I doubt at this point. He isn’t extremely busy with work, he even mentioned that he’s a bit bored and has not much to do. Yesterday I asked him what his week plans are to which he could have answered something like ‘Nothing yet, want to meet one day?’, but instead he just said ‘Nothing yet, you?’
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I don’t know, my gut says he probably just wanted sex in the end, but then I don’t understand why we’re still talking on WhatsApp. The last thing he said was just an answer to a question (about an hour ago), so I didn’t answer after that, because I don’t know what to say to that. What should I do? I mean I am pretty sure he lost interest after sex, but should I just say something anyways, like ‘So, are you gonna ask me out again this week?’ or « Let me know if you want to meet one day this week’ (just for closure, at least) or should I just say nothing anymore and let it fizzle out?
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Advice appreciated, thanks.
If it’s not a « hell yes », it’s a « no »
Trust me when I say I’m not an expert but it seems like he may have been losing interest before the last date, and not just because you had sex. Is it possible he did all that for sex? I suppose so. Some people are that way.. but the fact he wasnt putting as much effort in, and you asked him on the last date.. idk. Not that that’s bad on you, but he may have made up his mind before the date even happened and just figured one more out wont hurt and maybe I’ll see something I didnt.
Edit: also if you’re still talking on WhatsApp I wouldnt be inclined to think he just was shooting for sex. If he was o would think he’d have ghosted you.
He has lots of options, sleeping with lots of people.
>’So, are you gonna ask me out again this week?
Skip the childish games. If you want to see him again then ask him out.
There’s plenty to unpack here and a lot of possibilities (he’s a foreigner too? So is it a cultural thing? Are you reading too much into it? Why don’t you just ask him out?) From there it just gets tougher: he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s just not that into you. He only wanted sex. And finally, he didn’t think the sex was that good. (Sexual compatibility is woefully underrated).
The question is, how are you going to take it? Is dwelling over it and endlessly analyzing your dates with a magnifying glass going to help you or answer your questions?
Ask him out if he wants to hang out again. If he says no, then move on.
‘So, are you gonna ask me out again this week?’ – No. Needy and entitled.
‘Let me know if you want to meet one day this week’ – No, throwing yourself at him. If you asked this without meaning it I’d be ticked (in case I’m not a total asshole).
How attractive are we talking? 7? 8? 9? 10? With each number comes new possibilities.
I’m weird after sex… like, initially my goal is to get to know you. I want a serious relationship, so that’s what I’m here for. After we talk for a while, I’ll know if I like you. I might still hang around for sex if you aren’t turning me off. If I like like you, I’ll show you. I’ll place myself in your orbit and watch how you respond. If I’m not really interest, « I’ll be around »; this means if you hit me up and I feel like it, I’ll do some sort of thing (message back, ask if you want to hang out, etc.). Personally if I don’t have your phone number, I’m not all *that* interested in you as a person. I get this pretty quick for women I want to have a relationship with; if I see you as a buddy, fwb, or someone to whatever with, you’ll get my snap or maybe kik (I don’t use Whatsapp).
Trust yer gut
He is pulling away a bit, which is kind of normal. Don’t initiate anymore and see how things go. Also don’t let him make you his booty call.
Try not to be needy with you texts.
Reach out. If he wants to see you again, he’ll arrange a date.
Just wait, if he’s genuinely interested he will contact you. You can convince yourself that it would help to message him back, but the truth is no matter what you say if they aren’t interested it’s a lost cause no matter what you do.
The gut is always right
Bottom line comes down to this, if he was really really really into you you would know. You wouldnt be wondering like this and he wouldnt be respong with short vague responses.
I would just let it go, dont explain anything or ask any questions, just let it go. If he wants you he will asks what’s up? And make it known. You could say something, but that’s up to you
Be weary of attractive guys, I would never ghost you coz I’m ugly as shit! hahaha I’m kidding I’m beautiful.
Maybe your sex was too good and if someone is good they probably had a lot of practice to get that good.
I just think he wasn’t interested from the beginning but got what he wanted.
Message him now and say « wanna make plans for this weekend? »
80 20 rule
Maybe he figured out he’s gay