Dating : Do you ever feel guilty for trying to date while your life is a mess ?
My life is a mess. Okay maybe it could be worse but I’m in that weird part of life as a 27 year old where I dont fully know what I’m doing with my career, trying to heal from past trauma, and trying to just heal myself to be the best I can be.
All while trying to do all those things mentioned, I’ve been trying to datem I crave a connection but also fear getting hurt. I’ve been online dating and met someone who is just so different and interesting. I like him and we plan on meeting but I have this weird ball in my stomache.
I feel guilty for dating. Like I shouldn’t be interacting with men or trying to build relationships in a time in my life where I’m so confused in general. Almost feel like I’m leading him on.
Does anyone feel like this or have felt like this ? What’s some advice or thoughts?
If you wait until your life is perfect to look for love, you’ll spend your whole life alone. Instead, put yourself out there and don’t assume people will automatically reject you because your life is screwed up in some way, everyone has problems, after all.
Are you me? My life is a hot dumpster fire and I really want somebody to share it with but also feel guilty about it.
We’re all works in progress. But it’s okay to take time out from dating if you know you’re not emotionally available the way your partner would need you to be.
I’ve disqualified myself from trying to date for years, expressing interest in nobody, because of an awareness that I’m not put together enough and don’t bring enough to the table to be considering dating.
I work on not being attracted or not have an interest in anybody, period, because I don’t see myself ever being put enough together to be worth the time of day.
Pretty much any baggage is fair game except jumping back to your ex, constantly thinking about your ex, or having a breakdown on a date. At least, that’s the bar for how I’d feel about my dates. Yes, as a result I’ve had some where « if only the timing was different, » but I’m still glad I met those people. Maybe we’ll connect later in life or turn out great friends, who knows…
We are all broken. Look for someone who likes you for the unbroken bits. I’ve avoided dating again and again because I felt undatable for various reasons, and I always regret it. The main thing that I have learned by dating while damaged is to really look at who you are attracting. There is a whole category of asshats who look for damaged women to ‘fix’ which leads to them being able to control you. If he likes you for your pain and not your joy, run. But do get out there. You don’t deserve to be alone.
First things first, why do u want to date?
I feel this way constantly as a 36m, I am starting to realize that it never really goes away. Granted I was with the same woman from age 17 until a couple years ago when she left for another dude so I might be a bit off. I will say that dating since then has been a learning experience and the biggest lesson I learned is to listen to my gut, if it doesn’t feel right it’s probably not. When the right thing comes along you’ll know because it will be easy.
Healing from past Trauma takes a lot of time, so why not support it by positive input from a partner. As long you don’t put the baggage onto him everythings fine
As long as you are working through your trauma/issues then I don’t see why not!
I left an abusive relationship earlier this year, saw a psych for a couple of months and read a few dating-esque books. It has been 6 months since the break-up and I have met someone who treats me amazingly and makes me feel secure. It’s totally do-able. Dating is a skill you can learn.
Literally everyone’s life is a mess. If you think other people don’t have messy lives then it’s just because they hide it better.
If we all had to wait until our lives were *completely together* hardly anyone would be dating!
Avoid placing any self-imposed pressure on yourself and enjoy meeting new people and having *fun*. If someone comes along and you *mutually connect* things will naturally evolve on their own.
*** »The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. »*** – W.M. Lewis
*** »The world may not owe you anything but you owe yourself the world! »*** – Kevin Darné
Best wishes!
I think I have most of my stuff figured out, in a few years I’ll definitely have stability and I know I can now focus on a relationship. Started dating again and all I meet are people not ready to fully put themselves out there for a relationship because of all the other things going on in their lives.
As long as you communicate what you hope to receive and what you can honestly give, don’t feel guilty.
I feel the same too. I ask myself, « why the hell would I force this hot mess on anyone else? I don’t even want it! »
Yes
Life goes on… You can’t just being in saddness forever