Dating : « Do you have a boyfriend? »
I don’t think I have many problems when I find myself already in a conversation with a woman. However, for a long time I haven’t for the life of me been able to start conversations with women I don’t know that I might be interested in because I hate coming up with pretexts to start a conversation with someone. I want to make my intentions clear, partially because if I don’t make it clear what my intentions are straight away it also puts her in an awkward situation because it encourages dishonest, passive-aggressive, and narcissistic behaviour on her part as well (e.g., her having to presume that I am coming in with romantic intent and having to crowbar the words « my boyfriend » into a sentence in the first few minutes of conversation as her way of telling me that I am physically unattractive and to leave her alone). I would rather just be direct and cut to the chase, so I don’t waste both of our times by having a fake conversation that is grounded on an ulterior motive.
I don’t want to make my intentions clear by complimenting them (e.g., telling them how attractive they are) because I feel disgusting doing this for some reason, it makes me completely non-differentiable from most other guys that have hit on her probably, and also because I don’t want to be responsible for contributing to someone’s narcissism. It’s already enough of a gigantic ego boost just to start a conversation with them and make my intentions clear, so I don’t need to do anything on top of that.
I was just thinking I could literally just walk up to them and ask them if they have a boyfriend as a way of starting the conversation. I haven’t seen this suggested anywhere. It also makes me not look like an asshole because it shows that I am not interested on hitting on someone that is already taken. (There have been several times in the past when I have hit on women that express interest in doing something with me as a result, only to find out at a later point that they already had a boyfriend and were in an exclusive relationship but were willing to cheat on them with me).
Regardless of my relationship status I would immediately say yes to make you go away.
I have zero interest in men that think I am not worth making small talk with unless there is a possibility that I would fuck them.
This is a terrible idea. It will be taken basically the same way as “nice shoes, wanna fuck?”
Dude, only do this if you want her to think you are a huge creep. And why does paying a woman a compliment make you feel disgusting?
I know that might seem logical and straightforward but women are absolutely not logical and straightforward when it comes to dating. Most would probably find it weird or creepy if the first thing you say is asking about a boyfriend.
You can try it and get back to us, but I can for sure say that it’ll not work on most of the women you’ll meet. Simply approaching them is already a clear sign of interest from you, women are a natural at picking these up. The beat kinds of opening lines are bantering, jokes and teases that builds attraction.
> I would rather just be direct and cut to the chase, so I don’t waste both of our times by having a fake conversation that is grounded on an ulterior motive.
You don’t need a fake conversation with an ulterior motive. You can just have a real, nice, casual, flirtatious conversation with a romantic motive even though you are « beating around the bush » so to speak. It might not get you a date but learnign to think « so what? » and « oh well » might help you.
I think you’re caught up in thinking there’s some false dichotomy between cloak n’ daggers stuff and being aggressively blunt. There isn’t.
But all that is a sideshow. This here captures the real problem:
> However, for a long time I haven’t for the life of me been able to start conversations with women I don’t know that I might be interested in because I hate coming up with pretexts to start a conversation with someone.
Ok, so if a woman doesn’t know you and you have no real social pretext to talk to a stranger, this is probably the WORST way to talk to a woman. But because you think you need to do this, you are feeling discouraged and you question your confidence and your ability to talk to people. Don’t do this to yourself! Try to meet women the traditional way, and you will never feel like you have to « come up with pretexts to start a conversation with someone. »
Repetition makes perfection…..
after so many I have a boyfriends… I practiced my response line….. If her vibe is something I can catch ill respond with « are you telling me your problems »
if a woman responds along the lines « I’m not telling you a problem. I’m jist saying »…. that’s a green light….
sometimes a woman will disclose they have a boyfriend as a way of being emotionally innocent…. so if yall bump uglies, it’s not her fault because you swept her off her feet and she told you she had a boyfriend… it’s like a verbal disclaimer or some shit….
have stock lines stock openers stock anything. hell I got stock conversation starters if I ever feel the need to with family friends anyone I meet….