Dating : Doing the deed on a first date.
I’m a 31 year old female and I don’t see why some people see it as a big deal to do the deed on the first date. I have no issue with it if I’m getting a good vibe from the guy and I like him. It wouldn’t change my opinion of him or make me think he sleeps around.
A friend of mine told me if you give it up on a first date the guy will see you as easy and not girlfriend material.
Does anyone else agree with the above?
I think that it depends on the other person, but if they’re going to judge you for it, you probably won’t want to keep seeing them anyway.
Some guys don’t care at all, some judge, but I think there’s a third category as well.
I once had a first date that lasted for 8 hours and while we were in bed undressing, he suddenly stopped. He told me he had noticed he lost all interest in a girl if she slept with him on the first date, even though he didn’t think it was a morally bad thing. It was a more unconscious change of attraction/intention. Anyways after that he stayed another 2-3 hours and we never had a second date.
There’ll be more guys like that, I suspect. Where the attraction/intention may change, without a moral judgment. Some may not be conscious about it.
I think that it is good to have sex early on. If the sex don’t work. The relationship won’t work. It is a huge part of being together.
I don’t personally
The idea of early time was to make the man work for the sex because once you give him what he wants, he won’t try as hard, or will not put that effort down because In by his mind it was easy to attain.
I mean I’m go with the flow so I can do anything if they want to okay
It is a big deal for me, but not because I think people who do it are somehow « immoral ». Not at all. But to me, I don’t want to rush into intimate things and relationships, I want to take my time to get to know the person. And sex to me is a very intimate thing that I only want to share with someone I truly care and and trust, not a random person I’ve just met. It isn’t as simple as, Idk, brushing your teeth every morning. Also, I honestly don’t understand how can anyone just disregard personal security risks, and also health risks. Better safe than sorry!
As a guy, I find that girls don’t really open up until you have sex with them. They’re always sort of guarded and manicured until you fuck, so I’m down to fuck as soon as she is. Once you have sex they typically let much more of their personality show through and actually become a person with opinions.
First date is fine and common, but no later than the third date is necessary for me.
For the most part I agree with your friend. My opinion is that the chances of a long term relationship are better if you get the non-sexual part of the relationship reasonably well established before starting sex so it’s better to wait a few dates. If you do it on the first date, I think you run the risk of having the relationship be mostly based on sex and, while that might be fine for a short term relationship, a long term relationship needs to be based on an emotional connection, mutual respect and liking to do a lot of nonsexual things together and I think it’s harder to build that if you start sex right away because the focus will be on sex.
As a man, there is no difference in opinion towards the girl if we hook up on the first date or wait 3,6 dates, couple of months to be respectable! The way I see it is its a bit silly to wait an arbitrary amount of time if we both want to have sex. If I’m there for a relationship having sex early isn’t going to cause any damage to it. If I’m just there for casual sex then it’s just casual sex and waiting a couple of dates doesn’t change that
> It wouldn’t change my opinion of him or make me think he sleeps around.
I mean it’s kind of just common sense that it should make you think it is more **likely** that someone sleeps around. At just like, a basic statistics level. Guaranteed, no, much more likely yes. And inferring conclusions is unfortunately half of what dating is about.
Anyway, for some people that has a suppressive effect on emotional connection felt. It doesn’t have to be rational necessarily, it’s the same thing as like crying might suddenly turn someone off even though rationally obviously everyone does this and you might know why they’re crying and totally empathize but still just not be in the mood anymore. Or people doing things that seem un-confident. Etc. Certain stuff just doesn’t get you going, I don’t know why.
(In this case I mean « get you going » dating/emotionally of course, not sexually)
Other people seem entirely unaffected in this way.
My boyfriend and I had sex on our first date. We’d known each other for almost a year before we started dating and the chemistry was definitely there. I knew within the first few minutes of us being at dinner that we were going to do the deed. I didn’t feel at all like I was being easy or whatever. We’re both adults and we both very obviously wanted each other.
I personally wouldn’t. I know its double standards but as a woman I don’t want to be seen as too easy. Plus one day isn’t enough time to see if I really like the guy and want something more. Once I have been out with him enough times then hell yeah
Yeah some guys will think you’re easy, despite the fact that they’re also easy by the same criteria. It’s not a big deal, but the problem is you can’t tell if it’s a big deal to the guy until you sleep with him. You also can’t tell if he likes you or is just horny if you sleep with him on the first date and didn’t know each other before. If I were single, I’d wait until I was in a relationship to sleep with the guy. Too much risk for no orgasm, potential STDs, and potentially getting ghosted.
A man shows his value by fucking (because sex is not given to him freely, he has to earn it.) A woman shows her value by NOT fucking (because sex is always given to her freely, whether she has earned it or not.)
It’s simple supply and demand, and that’s why there’s a double standard. You can call it unfair, maybe it is, but it also makes sense.
just look at the questions posted on the dating subreddits and almost daily someone would ask: « we had sex (early on) and he told me he’s not interested in a relationship. what should I do? »~
and that gives you the answer to your question.
what is wrong with waiting to have sex? I also think that some women have the fairytale of a ONS that eventually becomes a relationship. does it happen? sure but rarely. I’d rather take control of my relationship and wait until a relationship is established before having sex. weeds out a lot of guys that way.
Most guys will not see you as gf material.
Reddit has a absolute fit when people point this out but is true. If you aren’t an easy lay, and you make them work for it, they respect you more.
I have to emphasize this because every time I say it there is some mouth breather with room temp IQ that misconstrues what I’m saying:
It does not mean men do not respect women that do the deed in the first date. It means if we have to work harder to get it, we respect you *more*. Big difference.
I
Your friend is right
I don’t think it makes a difference. If you vibe good it’s going too happen at some point anyway right?
I’ve been pushed for intimacy on first and second dates by several women and its not something I want but I didn’t think less of them for it. I just assumed its pretty common for everyone to want sex ASAP these days lol.
I’ve had mixed things from both sides of it. I’m a guy, I’ve never thought less of a girl because she slept with me on the first date, but I’ve had women end things because we slept together on the first date. I’d contact them to try and see them again and they’d either tell me they aren’t interested or even tell me I’m clearly only interested in sex because we slept together on the first date. Not sure if that was them projecting or whatever but it is what it is. I’ve also had things stem from dates where we slept together on the first date. Heck, my wife and I originally met up just for a hook up and it was an instant connection so we kept seeing each other and eventually got to where we are now.
I do think that if I were to end up single and in the dating pool now I wouldn’t be looking to have sex on the first date just because it does seem to put so many people off. I won’t say i wouldn’t do it if they wanted to, but as well I’m not going to be looking to date 18 year olds again so hopefully if I do sleep with someone on the first date it with be with someone a little more secure with themselves.
Depends on a person’s overall behavior, less about where one ends up at the end of the night/morning. If there’s chemistry I say shake up the chemicals. If not and someone is being desperate/insistent and they have been « subtly » checking other people out most of the date, time to bail.
Honestly, on my last first date I had sex with the guy bc it felt really right! Our date had unexpectedly been almost 8 hours long and for the first 7 we were just talking about anything and everything. There was no sexual expectation! We’re also still talking everyday almost 2 weeks later (he’s away for work). I think if it’s the right guy then he won’t mind it at all. A guy who holds that double standard is not someone I’d want to date anyway.
25M. I have an internal « 2 week rule » that I abide by, but only because I’m not comfortable hooking up that fast. It also helps ease tension a bit and let’s women know that isn’t what I’m looking for right off the bat. That being said, there’s absolutely no judgement for women who like going a bit faster. There is a « stigma » with it for some people sure, but you don’t really want to deal with those guys anyways. They’ll weed themselves out quickly.
I didn’t have to read it all.. it’s because the guy you are dating is thinking. How many guys has she fucked and am I the 1776th ?
I’m looking for the girl that lets me eat her before we even get to the restaurant for the first date!!! Honestly, I only date girls that are sexually vibrant in a similar way and can say anonymously that sex has no correlation to how much I like someone and want to date them. She could’ve fukked my brains out but not be the type person I’d want to date or she could not full me at all or not be soo good at it and I’d still date her just because she has a good personality.
Totally depends on the vibe.
Ive never judged a girl for giving it up on the first date. We’re grown ups, we both have needs, if we like each other and find each other attractive, why wouldn’t we. I think I’m actually more likely to go on a second date with them. I think it makes the second date so much more loose and genuine. And honestly, I know I’ll get hate for this, but I hate when a girl holds sex over you. It’s one thing to say “I’m not comfortable enough with you yet”. I totally understand that and am happy to wait. But I hate when the girl tries to make a game of it .
It’s not a big deal, it’s just a matter of preference. If that’s how you roll, then that’s how you roll. Communication and honesty will help sort things out.
Personally I’ve given it up on the first date before and then had perfectly good relationships with those men. I think if the vibes are right and both parties are truly feeling like they are into each other than why not?!?
I’ve heard If a guy sleeps with you on the first date and ghosts you, most of the time he just doesn’t see any value in you outside of sex, me personally I wouldn’t ghost anyone after sex unless they were very rude, disrespectful or catfishing.
Having had numerous conversations on the matter, it’s not unusual for some guys to lose interest if they sleep with the girl on the first date.
Some explicitely said that they felt like it lowered their opinion of the girl and they couldn’t pursue a relationship after this because they now saw her as « easy » and due to the asymetrical nature of the dating world, the girl didn’t qualify as girlfriend material.
Others chalked up their loss of interest to the thrill having subsided too fast, since they had reached « home base » on the first date. They didn’t seem to look down on the girl because of this, they just didn’t find any additional excitement in pursuing the relationship.
I also think that a big factor can be that first sex is rarely the best, and can be even more underwhelming/awkward when you just met the person.
Personally, I was turned down for sex by two girls on our respective first dates.
The first one, we went on another date before cutting ties. No hard feelings (obviously), there was just no chemistry.
As for the second one, I developed a huge crush on her even though the relationship never really went past that stage (mostly due to distance and Covid). Would I have lost interest if we’d had sex on the first date? I don’t think so.
All in all, men are not a hivemind so a blanket statement would be useless, but I feel like most of the time it boils down to the chemistry between the two people. If you have a great connection on the first date and that both of you are open to a serious relationship, I don’t think first date sex would be the dealbreaker.
A man will not see you as “gf material” whether you give it up or not if he simply does not see you as that. Tell your friend to keep her opinions to herself and do as you please!