Dating : (F25) Why do so many men assume it’s okay to text me, a complete stranger, and immediately ask me out after they got my number from a friend/from a group chat?
I recently joined a WhatsApp group and immediately, in a span of half a day 3 guys texted me randomly, inviting me out and with « we should get to know each other » messages. I mean, the group is about finding friends BY meeting on specific events that the group organises. The rules even specifically say « no private messaging to other members without consent ». They seem to completely ignore it.
If they want to get to know me they should just talk to me in person on a said event, not text me out of the blue – we know nothing about each other, I only meet up with people like that if we already established some kind of connection/know each other in person. People that text strangers like that just create an impression of a hidden motive/ingenuity, like they’d go out with anyone and everyone, they’re not choosy at all and that’s a red flag for me.
If you have another opinion on this, please, share it. But I’d personally appreciate if men stopped doing that to women they don’t know at all. This applies, of course, to women who text men in the same fashion. It’s not a dating app, it’s a messenger, I didn’t join the group to look for dates with strangers. It’s just creepy.
P.S. They also seemed to kind of have a whiff of understanding that this is wrong. 2 of them were like « please don’t be nervous that I’m texting you in a PM » or « don’t worry », but still proceed anyway. I just don’t get this behaviour 😐
Theres a mentality that you « miss every shot you don’t take » so these guys, eventhough its not 100% appropriate just want to introduce themselves without competition from anyone else in the group. Whilst I understand why you think it’s not okay, I honestly think you need to take it a little less personally and just brush them off. As it is clear you are not interested in men who assume this approach, maybe there is someone nice in the group – but if you think of them all like this you will never know.
Sorry that some lads are creeps. But we kind of cant do anything about our peers unfortunately.
Men don’t do this. « Boys » do this. It is the insecure/needy ones that do this. They got your contact info through friends because they didn’t have the guts to get it from you directly and they ask you out while hiding behind their phone because they don’t have the guts to do it face to face. It is bad all the way around. Back when teaching myself to get past this behavor I would offer a date through a text, but I at least got their contact info from them face to face so they knew I would be contacting them. But now I try to always do all of it face to face barring any unusual circumstances.
I think it has alot to do with guys in said forums being unable to go about approaching girls/women in a more fluid manner.
I can totally understand their line of thinking. If they think a girl looks cute or is nice why wouldn’t they want to get to know you? I think for sure they are interested but the way they go about it might not be the best.
If the roles were reversed I’d personally not care if girls wrote to me like that. But I would still prefer they just arrange something for the group chat and meet mere there and get my number. Then afterwards they would be welcome to text me privately.
Also some in here I read thinks you are a horrible person. I can see their arguments make sense. But I can also make the case you aren’t and the phrasing of your post is just not clear enough.
EDIT: I think when they get a number from a friend of yours it’s totally okay to text you. As long as it’s done correctly. Introducing yourself and explaining why they have your contact info.
I don’t see anything wrong with a female friend giving a guy the number of her friend if she thinks they would like each other. Most people meet their SO’s through friends.
What I don’t get is why you post in this subreddit since you aren’t looking for dates by what I can read.
It worked for them before or for someone they know.
They do it because there’s a rule against doing it and so they somewhat rightly assume there is less competition and they’ll stand out. But usually it’s guys with boundary issues, social issues, or their just kinda dumb, or entitled. I like figuring out which and then dragging them. It’s a fun distraction and I get some amazon wishlist stuff handled.
Uh bc that’s what dating is specifically for. To get to know someone.
* A date is not « oh i already know that I like you, I know you well from several random chance encounters ».
* A date is « you’re physically attractive to me, I wonder if I’ll like your personality, lets find out »
I don’t really see what’s wrong with asking you out. It’s bad if they get all crazy about you saying no but I think it’s pretty normal to ask someone you’re attracted to out. I mean the point of going out is to get to know you so idk what steps they are skipping here that seems to bother you.
Because they gotta shoot their shot, and speaking as a guy, chit chatting for days/weeks before the date is a losing game.
It’s not like you’re gonna ask them out. So they go for it.
Ok well:
1, how are they meant to get consent if you’re not there in person to ask? Is there a magical consent fairy they’re meant to pray to? Or possibly sent you a messenger pigeon first?
2, are their messages vulgar? Do they pester you afterwards?
3, so you joined a group to MEET PEOPLE and make friends… but you’re surprised someone wants to MEET YOU and maybe become your friend?… ok….
4, where does it say you can only talk to people and arrange to meet people around larger group activities?
5, if you dont talk to someone how are you meant to get to know them?
To summarise, seriously, get out of your own ass and come off of your high horse. You dont get to be offended when people want to talk to you when you join a group that revolved around people talking to new people.
You also dont get to criticize someone for « having the nerve » to try and strike up a conversation with someone new unless they’re being rude about it… and no, messaging someone new and trying to get to know them isnt rude unless they persist beyond what everyone is comfortable with… that’s how human interaction fucking works you muppet.
Edit:
Lastly if your group is JUST about making friends then it has NOTHING to do with dating and therefore shouldnt be on the subreddit…. so either you’re just out to make friends and dont know what dating is OR you lied and it is about meeting potential new dates and you’re just pissed because they guys messaging you arent the ones you want to message you….
I am surprised you get any messages at all due to your shit personality. Don’t worry, once you hit 30, no guy will want anything to do with you. Happy?
You are saying that because not so good looking men ask you out. If it was a hot dude, you would definetaly say yes and you would be flateres. If you don’t like it just say no, if they start stalking that’s another problem, otherwise you can ignore or just delete the app or whatever.