Dating : I’m [M22] dating a girl [F27] and just found out that she’s been divorced… any ideas on how to gently open up that can of worms?
Normally I’d say that the past is the past and I don’t care what you’ve done. But the problem is that I hold to a very Biblical view of marriage. This means that I won’t marry someone who’s been divorced *unless* the divorce was under certain specific circumstances (if it was in response to cheating or domestic violence or that sort of thing). I know it doesn’t matter for most people, but these are the guidelines I’ve set for myself.
I like this person and we’ve had a few good dates so far, but this could unfortunately be a deal-breaker for me. It’s not that I’m judging her or think any less of her as a person – it would just mean that she’s not someone I can have a long-term relationship with.
How can I approach the subject without being rude? I don’t want to seem nosy either – not to mention that the entire subject would probably instantly kill the mood of any date we go on will 😓
Edit: Not looking for a sermon on why my beliefs are outdated and wrong. Just advice, thanks.
Actually the two Biblical reasons are Adultery and if the spouse was an unbeliever and the unbeliever divorced the believer because they refused to believe. Even if there may not have been adultery during the marriage,…one or the other surely had sex with someone after the divorce,…so you end up with the same thing, the marriage is still over.
> It’s not that I’m judging her or think any less of her as a person – it would just mean that she’s not someone I can have a long-term relationship with.
That is double-talk. Yes, you would be judging and would think less of her,…that is why you wouldn’t want to marry her.
You are also, due to the implications of the Biblical standards, supposed to marry a virgin. Where you gonna find one of those today? If she isn’t a virgin, then she « fornicated » before the marriage.
If this is really a dealbreaker for you then ask. Does it matter if you upset her or ruin the date because if she says that it was due a reason not listed above you are going to end it anyway. Be aware that she might say she doesn’t want to discuss it though.
Side note if you really like someone you shouldn’t let your self imposed « guidelines », which can be altered, sabotage a good thing.
Just rip the bandaid off and get it over with before too much time has past.
You need to have a serious and adult conversation before you both invest too much time and emotion into it.
Maybe you can just end up being friends.
Maybe if you like this person you shouldn’t let archaic texts dictate their worth as a partner… But that’s none of my business.
Do you know the reason for the divorce?