Dating : Failure Upon Failure and Now I am Losing Hope
This is a long one, so my apologies. I just wanted to vent about my dating experiences this year, they are seriously causing me to lose hope. I am a 29 y/o female, have a college degree, a good job, I have a couple of hobbies, and I try to improve myself as much as I can on a consistent basis. I have been in long term relationships for the majority of my life. In total I have probably only been single for 2 years since I was 16. I have come out of a 4 year long term relationship and have been single/dating since September of last year. I was devastated after my break-up and have been going to therapy and trying to get back out there to move on. I tried the online dating thing and have also tried dating a friend of a friend. Both circumstances ended badly, now I am starting to think I am the problem even though those in my support system say that I am not. So here is how it has gone down:
Online dating: Went on dates with a couple of people and ended up in a relationship with a 32 y/o male who seemed too good to be true. It turns out it was. He asked me to be his GF after the 3rd date, and everything was going well. He was getting overwhelmed about a test he had to study for and told me he wanted to see me less (we had been seeing each other 3 times a week). This hurt me a little considering, in my opinion we were not seeing each other that much to start out with. But I said I would give it a shot and though all would be well after the test. We had an awesome Friday one weekend, had plans that Sunday, and when he arrived Sunday he broke things off. All in all it was a 3.5 month ordeal.
Friend of a Friend: After the online dude broke things off with me I started a FWB situation with a friend of a friend. We have been « hanging out » for the past 3 months and over time we started to act more BF/GF towards each other than just friends (this may have been a one-sided feeling on my part). Anyway, I though everything was going well. We joined a sports team that plays once a week together and had plans for another event coming up. My birthday was last weekend, I accidentally drank too much and when we got back to my place we had an argument over something he said and I asked him to leave. I had too much to drink so unfortunately I do not remember anything that happened that night and can only go off of what he told me (which was vague). Now he doesn’t want to talk to me. I apologized profusely and I am ashamed that I over drank, but that doesn’t seem to matter to him. He didn’t talk to me at our sporting event this week, other than saying hi back when I greeted him and he did not say goodbye.
Now I feel like I just mess everything up and I am not a good dating candidate for anyone. These 3 month « relationships » are beating me down, and now I feel like if I am not perfect 100% of the time everyone will just leave me. It is too much pressure. Anyway thanks for reading, and I hope you all have better luck out there than I have.
How many kids do you have?
I’m going to agree with an above comment. You sound like you want a relationship, but aren’t particular about who it’s with. You seem to attach to the first man who comes along and shows interest when you’re single. That’s not necessarily a healthy place to be.
Do you like yourself? What kind of person do you want to date? What do you want that relationship to look like?
It sounds like both of these men had reasons for deciding not to see you again. And it’s okay that they don’t want to. It doesn’t make you a failure. I would go out and meet people. Explore. Maybe date without a relationship for a while. Give yourself a chance to be happy with who you.