Dating : Feel I did everything right…yet was still friendzoned…wtf!?
First some background on me…
I’ve never been a womanizer and unfortunately do not have too many sexual experiences with women under my belt but that’s mostly due to my own insecurities/awkwardness in my 20’s (I’m 31). It took a long and I mean LONG time to really come out of my shell and demonstrate that magnetic charismatic side that I have developed thus far. I can spark up conversations with women confidently and smoothly without feeling awkward or at a loss for words and this is a vital tool that I am still improving upon which I believe will help get me where I want to be. Also, I’m not very tall at all…5’6″ but I still get told by A LOT of women ~~and even men sometimes~~ that I am very attractive and its not uncommon for me to make out with a girl at the bar with saying very little. Now onto the situation…
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I was set up with this girl through some mutual friends and after seeing a picture of me, she gave the green light. We started texting, I’m making all sorts of references to various tv shows, music, etc. and it seems like we have a lot in common. She shares my… »eccentric and sublte » sense of humor and I can tell she’s genuinely laughing when were on the phone or in person. So we end up going on a date and Everything seemed chill. I got to know a lot about her and there was never a dull moment but I like to take my time and sometimes I don’t really make any move like touching her playfully, holding her hand or going in for a kiss unless I am 100% sure she wants it. A lot of times, especially after a few drinks girls usually make this move on me first. She allowed me to take her on 3 more dates but each time I didn’t make the type of moves that I had hoped. When I would drop her off at her car it wasn’t like she couldn’t wait to get out she would stick around and we’d talk and listen to music but whenever I tried to set the mood (play certain music) stare deeply into her eyes, it looked as if she would get uncomfortable and look away or change the subject…? And everytime I would compliment her on how great she looked she would never return it which I guess is something I was used to. Well anyways after almost 4 weeks, she texts me the infamous « friendzone » text basically saying she had a good time with me and didn’t want to waste more of my time and that theres no real connection. I responded by telling her that I kinda wish I made a move sooner thinking this was the reason for this feeling (I blew it in the past for this same reason). She informs me that it wasn’t because of me not making any moves but yet doesn’t tell me the real reason…So why the fuck would she let me take her on 4 dates before telling me this? Did she never have feelings for me to begin with? Did she think I was unattractive? Personally I feel like she found another man that was more appealing (better looking, taller, more successful) and picked him over me…what do you guys think?
what do you care? You said your good looking, go get someone else.
She took you on 4 dates to know for sure but yeah she just didn’t pick you that’s all there is to it.
Sometimes people just don’t « click ». You felt that yourself, hence not making a move earlier. Don’t jump to the conclusion that she met someone else, just take the knock back on the chin man. You both gave each other the same amount of shots, obviously she didn’t dislike you else you wouldn’t have made the fourth date but you just cannot fake the spark.
When it’s right you don’t need to set the tone with the right music and all of that rom com stuff, you just steal a moment then and there. That didn’t happen, with the next girl it may.
it was you….
1.. use the phone only to setup dates/ work out logistics….
2. keeping your hands to yourself is a great golden rule…. here’s a more nuanced thing…..
if you feel the urge to initiate physical contact, do something mild like a light tap a shoulder graze, let your hands brush against hers while walkin to indicate hand holding….. keep it simple
if she likes it, she’ll be open….
if she doesn’t she’ll pull away……..
if a woman pulls away, let her go away until she initiates again…..
So down the road you may go for the kiss. and it’s everything you dreamed of and she likes it…. the second she pulls away – you stop. until she comes back into your intimate bubble…..
1. if you setup a date for Friday…. don’t contact her until you see her Friday… if she calls or texts you cool, be cordial but don’t give all your charm and personality away especially over text… keep it short and sweet
2. don’t be so caught up on the number of dates and hours spent… girls are like abused cats…. they fucked up and no one knows why cause we all speak dog language but just play it cool.