Dating : Fond Memories

h2>Dating : Fond Memories

Shawn Grossarth

My therapist recommended I begin writing down some of my childhood memories in order to “crystallize some of my formative experiences”. That is what she said, at least. I suspect she wants me to write it out because her hand is starting to hurt from all of the note taking. Either way, here are a handful of my fondest memories:

I remember when I was little, my parents were incredibly cheap. For instance, I would see all of my friends playing with water balloons, laughing and having a wonderful time during those hot summer months. So naturally, I asked my Dad if they would buy me some water balloons. My Dad agreed and left for the store, and when he came back, he handed me a pack of gum. “Blow a big bubble and poke a hole in it, and then fill it with water!” he said, then went on to laugh hysterically for about three minutes…you should have seen what we used for Toilet Paper.

I remember when I was little I used to play chicken with trains. One day something terrible happened though…the train ran over my pet chicken, Mr. Flappers! Chicken with trains was a pretty dumb game, now that I think about it.

I remember when I was little I got a horrible bug bite that swelled up terribly. I was pretty angry at first, but I really can’t blame the bug. In all fairness, I did bite him first.

I remember when I was little my dad would always drag me to the airport and tell me to sit in a chair and watch him make “magic”. Then he would dress up like a pilot, stagger around like he was drunk and yell at the top of his lungs, “Where’s my plane?! I want to fly my plane! Make it go VROOM!” My Dad was a terrible magician.

I remember when I was little I used to think that babies were carried to their parents by giant storks. I felt pretty silly after I grew up a bit and my parents made sure to explain the birds and bees to me. I still don’t really understand how animals that small can carry nine pound babies, though.

I remember when I was little whenever anyone asked me how old I was I would hold up the correct amount of fingers and say, “This many!” It gets harder as you get older though. I am 58 now, and it takes me 30 seconds just to tell people how old I am.

I remember when I was little I had a huge birthday bash. There was cake, piles of ice cream and balloons, a hilarious clown and a bunch of my friends and family. Then there was a loud smacking noise and I realized that I had been sleeping soundly…and that I had no friends, I had no ice cream, and the clown was in all actuality just my overweight Uncle who was eating handfuls of cake in my closet while laughing hysterically.

I remember when I was little…Hey, um, excuse me sir…can you come back later? I’m in the middle of a memory right now. Thanks. Ahem…I would always skip through…hey! What are you doing? Come on, get out of here, I’m in the middle of a memory and I don’t have time for this. Sheesh. Ok…there was this dog…what are you doing?! Get off me! Back off man! Hey! Get off me! Help! Somebody help me! I can’t get him off me! What are you…OWW!! Where did that crowbar come from?! Oh the pain! Stop! STOP!! Why won’t you stop? I thought…OWWW!

I remember when I was little I found a dead dove lying on the ground. I took him home to bury him, and accidentally dropped him in a brownie mix, completely covering it with chocolate. After that, I told people that I had invented the Dove bar. After about three years of trying to convince people I almost got some old lady to believe me. She was right on the verge of being impressed, when I showed her the original prototype and she ended up running away screaming…and THAT was when I came up with the idea of freezing them in the future!

I remember when I was little I had a dog named Puffy. He was a cute little fluffy dog, but a couple of years after I got him I found out he wasn’t really a dog. He was just a big cotton ball my parents had attached to a leash! Still, I suppose he was the best dog I’ve ever had…I mean the only time he barked was when the religious missionaries came to the door, and who can really blame him for that?

What do you think?

Laisser un commentaire

Votre adresse de messagerie ne sera pas publiée. Les champs obligatoires sont indiqués avec *

Dating : I feel as though I’m not enough.

POF : Please fill in my short survey [Online dating sites/apps] for my final year project