Dating : Ghosted, again
About a month ago I go on a date with this guy, I pay out of pocket to travel to him but willingly so because we had so many things in common, identical interests. It went really well and he kissed me and told me he’d never been able to talk to easily with anyone before. It was great, in the weeks following he tells me how fantastic I am and how much he likes me and wants to see me. He then cancels on me three times. Fine, whatever he had good excuses, I give one more chance because who would sacrifice something like this? He’s ghosted me.
This happens to me so much I think there’s something wrong with me, but I really don’t understand this one. I’m hurt, sure but I’m also really fucking confused.
Op, I don’t think there’s something wrong with you.
Look at it like this: you come into contact with many guys in your daily life, and you probably don’t want to date the vast majority of them. Does that mean there’s something wrong with those guys or that they’ll never find love? Nope. It just means that YOU aren’t interested in them. But other women will be.
And it’s the same with you. Not every guy you meet will want to date you or stick around. That’s just the reality of dating. You can’t please everyone. But 1 guy or even several guys aren’t representative of all men. Far from it. Just keep dating and you’ll eventually find someone who’s interested.
People who ghost are cowards, plain and simple. If he cannot muster up the courage to handle what is at worst an awkward situation he probably has other serious character flaws that make him not worth your time.
It definitely sucks to be ghosted, but you can also view it as a getting an early warning that the person you were dating is truly terrible.
ARRGHHHH! Ghosting sucks!! Well, they do that bc it’s the easiest way to escape. Maybe the guy was fcking afraid of commitments or not that interested anymore.
*sending virtual hugs* But hey, there’s nothing wrong with you. People come and go anyways. However, there are ones who are willing to stay. You can still date after you’ve healed.
Was he the one initiating these 3 cancelled dates did he initiate the second one?
Also I definitely would not have given someone the chance to cancel on me 3 times.
I hope you’re dating multiple people as well at the same time. Putting all your eggs in one basket after one date is a sure way to disappointment. I have been ghosted numerous times and barely realised because I was dating or talking to multiple people.
Of course there are those that will stand out but I am still able to get over it pretty quickly because I’m dating or talking to other people.
Finding someone is a mixture of luck and effort. Take a break if you need to and get back out there when you’re ready!
Ps take note of the kind of guy you go out with if they are all the same type that may also indicate that you need to broaden your horizons on who you date.
Based on what you describe, the ghosting is not about you. He just can’t handle it in a mature way
When people have a lot of options, they can discard people very easily and for the smallest of reasons.
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If you are in competition with several other girls, he can literally wait until the last minute to decide who to go out with. Each time he canceled probably had something to do with filling in « your slot » with someone else. A girl he was more attracted to. Someone who would take less effort to get sex out of.
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Whenever people are interested in you, they will do everything in their power to move their schedules around to make it work out.
I need to stress that while the behavior of others can absolutely reflect something about us, there are other variables at play. How often do we snap at friends or family when we’re mad with some other circumstance? How often do we still carry an emotion from hours or days ago?
It’s my belief that our culture does not incentivize, reward or respect the level of honesty and directness and that people would rather be quiet than vocal, at the risk of seeming disrespectful. There are plenty of reasons for the reluctance of others: sometimes cowardice, lack of rhetoric to express feeling(s), embarrassment or disinterest.
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You’re selecting that last one when I think plenty of other explanations exist. Please do not place so much of a weight on yourself, you then become the sole engine of your world and it’s not that simple. Always happy to speak further if you’d like.
Did you tell him what you thought of him?
I’ve been ghosted a lot… I wasn’t aware men did this to women as well. It’s a cruel thing.
My ex broke up with me after 2.5 years and flew from Los Angeles to Seattle for a guy.
the suggestion we give to you about dating others at the same time, until you have decided this is the one you want to commit to, is probably what he was doing.
he may have met others in the intervening weeks and decided they were the ones to pursue.
sorry this happened but hopefully as you continue dating, you’ll find the right person for you also.
I understand why you’re feeling hurt over this. It’s a shitty thing to do. Just think about it this way—if this guy didn’t have the balls to just be honest that things aren’t working out, he lost interest, etc. then he has no regard for your feelings and YOU dodged a bullet here.
This happens to everyone, I think. I’m sorry, op.
He found a girl who is more attractive and closer.
That sucks, I’m sorry.
Try making an offer to get lunch, that way it’s not as long and if it’s fun you can plan a dinner later. Lunch is not as pressuring as a dinner date.
Or try saying you’ll head over to where he is, that way it’s more convenient for him.
Good luck!