Dating : Girls don’t like randomly being approached
I was giving a girl a ride home and at a red light, the guy in the car next to us waved at her and then winked at her.
It was a genuinely friendly smile and wave. I thought it was fine.
But her reaction, “eww eww eww that guy just winked at me”
When approaching random girls in public you need to make them think you have a reason/excuse other than that they look good.
-from a guy who sucks at this type of shit but learned something yesterday
Winking at strangers is the creepy part. Don’t do that.
Winking at some random person in the car next to you has nothing to do with “approaching”. Two completely different things.
I mean… How old are you? How can you see that as a reasonable thing?
I mean winking is pretty lame. Eye contact and a smile does the job, with a wink you come off as a tool imo.
I feel like people are ignoring the part about them being in a car. Like, regardless of wether you should approach people or how you go about it, I feel like at a red light is almost the worst place you could do it.
Some girls might be flattered. I’ve had guys do something like that that then escalates to them following me, or trying to get me to pull over, or something.
It’s not genuine. What can I do with a wink? I’m going to roll down my window and throw you my number? The purpose isn’t to approach me to get to know me, it’s to let me know that you see me, and see me as a sexual object.
The smile and wave was fine. The wink is pretty sexual. Because I bet if he had winked at YOU that would have been…weird.
Don’t contact women in a way that gratifies your desire for them to interact with you but not in a way where anything could ever come of it.
So winking at women, whistling, cat calling, honking, there’s no way for a woman to reciprocate. The INTENT is to objectify. It’s not an opening for the woman to approach you and express interest. It’s not flirting.
And that’s why it’s so often a start of more intensely inappropriate behavior, like groping, stalking, harassing. Probably most women have experienced something like cat calling escalate to the point where they felt unsafe. The guy following them, getting mad that they don’t react, insisting on their number, tracking them down on social media, etc.
I’ve had guys whistle at me, and then grope me. I’ve had guys wink at me and then expose themselves to me. I’ve never had a guy whistle at me or wink at me and then ask me out on a date. The intent is to objectify me.
I think I would say ew aswell
i dont think you learned anything op. women love being approached by the right people at the right time. winking at someone at a red light is dumb, what are you gonna do jump out and have a chat or park down the road and get her number? also dont take everything everyone says to heart. « This girl in my car didnt like it when some creep winked at her from another car at a red light? That must mean all girls hate being approached! »
If a guy smiled and winked at you would you think it’s just “friendly”?
Yes, women like to be treated like individuals aver not hunks of meat. Also, water is wet.
Sorry… “make them think” you have a good reason to approach them?
If a guy is interested in me in public, he needs to come up to me and introduce himself and say so. I do NOT want a wink, a body scan and nod, a thumbs up, a « hey shawty!! »….none of that. Be polite, because otherwise it’s not happening and I’m walking off.
This is correct. It’s okay to talk to women, as people, if you have something to talk about. Shared context is important. But if you’re just like « oh that girl is cute » leave me alone.
Girls don’t mind being approached. They just don’t like the way some of you guys approach them.
– from a guy who doesn’t suck at this type of shit
I definitely don’t like being approached by most people. Men or women. Especially when I’m out going from point A to B. I’m always fearful someone is trying to kidnap me or whatever.
Uh a wink from a rando in a car feels different from being approached. I’ve gotten guys honk at me and wave or wink and it creeps me out because you never know who’s out there and who might follow you. Literally anybody who thinks winking is a good approach is not gonna have success. I don’t think anyone is receptive to that.
Don’t approach random women unless it’s in a venue where that is to be expected, like a party or bar. Like, if I’m just minding my own business in public, I don’t want random men to come up to me to try to hit on me, even if you make up a bullshit excuse. It’s annoying and creepy.
It’s only creepy if they’re not into him. If she thought he was attractive, she wouldn’t have reacted that way.
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I think a friendly smile is as far as you can go…a wave and a wink from your car? Hell no thats not just friendly, its flirting
Was visiting England and out for a drive when a little, old man caught my eye and winked at me. Made my freaking day. lol
Suppose it’s the manner in which they are winking…?
So far from this sub I’ve learned that not approaching women at all is probably the optimal thing to do.
You wouldn’t want to end up looking like a creep if you’re inexperienced in approaching, avoiding approaching won’t ever put you in that position as a guy.
Everything said is true. Even if he’s super attractive, it gives the impression that he is desperate for women’s attention and probably does that often. Hot or ugly, all have the potential to be creeps. Nope nope nope.
of course you can approach girls and no matter what, every guy will get rejections from some of them, that‘s just how it is. now don‘t be a pansy, get out there and talk to girls
Couldn’t disagree more.
I approach women all the time, just today I did the ol grocery store approach. A dude approaching a women out in the wild and starting a conversation out of thin air takes confidence, skill, balls, and women appreciate that shit.
« Hi » and making someone smile/laugh means so much more when your making eye contact then it does when you match on some fucking dating site.
Here’s the deal, most people don’t like anything. Most people don’t like you for absolutely no other reason than you. They don’t even know you, but they just don’t like you. Who cares? Are you a serial killer? No. Are you planning on carving them up and feeding them to your pet chicken? No. You’re hilarious and could be the next love of their life. And there is at least one woman who is gonna see you and she’s gonna be interested. The point of pick-up is not to get every woman’s phone number, it’s to find that one woman who thinks you’re the bees knees.
I can tell you this much, I’m 6’3″ and broad shouldered. I weigh about 230lbs, near six-pack (working on it), I’m heavily tattooed and have a short beard. There are certain women that are just not into me, they don’t like my look, I’m scary to them. And there are other women that absolutely dig me, they want to date the big scary tattooed man, that’s who they want. They don’t want skinny boys, they want the big guy. And that’s fine with me. I know this for a fact, so when a woman isn’t interested in me, I’m like « Great » and I move on. It doesn’t even affect me. And I get approached by women too. Not always women I’m attracted to, I don’t get offended that they’re talking to me because I’M A MATURE ADULT.
One thing I will say about cold approach is that do be sure she makes some sort of eye contact with you, if she checks you out, you’re going to have a much better chance and waste less time than trying to bother a girl who’s zoned out on her phone. Keep it as a rule as if she doesn’t make eye contact, she’s not looking for anyone at this time.
Lol now picture Chris Hemsworth doing that in a Ferrari. Would she react the same?
I’m sorry but attractiveness has nothing to do with this. If the guy is confident and winks, so what.. he was in another car. Just wave and move on. Be kind!
Winks are the WORST
“Girls don’t like randomly being approached by guys they don’t find attractive”. Let’s be honest. I’m guessing the guy wasn’t exactly Brad Pitt.
No way she’d be reacting that way for a simple wink if I’m wrong
I think it was an overreaction on her part.
Maybe it was meant for you…
I get that type of stuff a lot from older guys and as long as they don’t approach me I just laugh it off. Of course he’s going to think a younger girl is pretty but obviously knows there’s no way in hell it’s going to amount to anything. Or maybe he just likes seeing what reaction he can get.
You either get some females that ask « why don’t I get attention?! » Or others that say « ewww I got attention ».
Just be respectful and read the room.
Or don’t approach strange women in public ever?
her reaction was that of a person who thinks so highly of themselves that their ego is threatened when an ugly tries to initiate contact. they think « i should be so hott that there’s no way an ugly like him should even try »
it’s much more of an internal reaction than external.
This didn’t use to be the case. But porn, nice guys tm, and generalized promiscuity (which leads women and men to assume every random person that say hi wants a shag) has almost entirely destroyed this method of dating.
In 2007, when I was 21, hot, athletic and muscular, I picked up 2 of my very 1st ever girlfriends by just making chit chat on the street.
At 33, I would never try that now. Never.
This is why I just never approach anyone.
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I think this post and its comments are a perfect example of how different everyone’s preferences are and how subjective dating is. There are way too many factors involved to come up with some sort of formula on approaching a potential partner. Obviously there are do’s and dont’s, such as don’t be a pushy asshole when someone clearly isn’t interested (to name just one of many). But in a lot of cases, what one person thinks is creepy might be charming to someone else. Obviously honking and winking at someone at a red light is pretty silly considering the fact that both persons are physically going somewhere else, possibly very far away. But come on people, the world isn’t black and white. It’s extremely grey.
I think one thing that just about everyone can agree on is that the dating scene today needs more empathy. Get out of your own ego and think about the other person.
Wish we could find this dude that was winking
Need to know how well that technique is working these days
From my experience you can tell if she’s approachable or not from making eye contact and falling for it multiple times.
They need to bring borders back so I can find the nerdy/cute ones
No, you just learned that this particular woman was not into that particular guy and the way he…winked? Yeah winking is pretty cringy.
You can approach people anywhere. Gotta learn to do it right, read the room and calibrate accordingly, though.
Did you also learn where bears go to the bathroom?
I never get approached, just eye fucked.