Dating : Guy I’m dating finds out he has a baby on the way
So I just started dating this guy who is everything I could’ve possibly asked for. Very handsome, great at communicating and he’s head over heels for me. I’ve met his family and friends and he’s confessed how he feels like I’m the one for him and he’s been asking god for something good and he feels like it’s me(very sweet I know lol).
Anyway, this girl he used to talk to basically told him she’s pregnant 2 days ago(not sure if it’s by him because the time stamp is 2 months ago) and she wants to keep it. He doesn’t want anything to do with her and he’s not ready for a kid and asked what she thought about abortion but she’s not feeling it.
He told her he was talking to me because she kept blowing up his phone and she just texted him saying that now she’s keeping the baby to hurt him and what he has with me(very childish). So I’m at a loss. He said he’s scared to lose me and he will do everything in his power to make sure I’m secure and happy as his girl but I’m scared if we continue and somehow the baby is born and they get back together because of it? I really don’t know what to do here.
Probably not his. Stand by for DNA test.
Good chance she’s lying about having a baby on the way to hurt your bf. If she’s been sleeping around it might even be someone else’s.
Also, I don’t think they’ll get back together in case the ex actually has his baby. Any sane guy who is head over heels for someone will swim across an ocean to *get away* from a crazy ex like that. However, he might be on the hook for child support and this baby – if it exists ***and*** is his ***and*** actually gets born – *will* have an impact on your relationship in other ways too.
Let’s make this simple:
1) DNA Test.
2) If he has no interest in raising a child, he shouldn’t have been dumb enough to stick it in crazy. You never, ever fuck crazy.
3) Ask him if he is willing to sign his parental rights away. He can file to give up his rights which means he won’t have to pay child support, and he would have no rights to see the child, etc.
2mo seems too soon to be so invested. It doesn’t make you a bad person to see this as a deal breaker.
Sounds like his ex made the story up to get back at him and sow discord in your relationship…maybe?
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I honestly doubt the ex is pregnant. But if she is, he should get a DNA test before anything.
Does he think it’s his? I would wait for a paternity test.
Don’t put the cart before the horse. See if a DNA test can be done when the kid is born, and take it from there. That gives you 7 months time.
Date the guy like normal, do all the normal due diligence checks, and see if something develops. If it doesn’t, then things have been taken care of for you. If it does, you’ll have a better idea as to what to do next.
Don’t get sucked into this world of drama. You’ve known him two months.
Have him get a DNA test to see if this is real. If so, you need to go let him handle his affairs and deal with this. Are you really going to date a guy who is raising a newborn and has a crazy ex to deal with ALL the time?
You’re going to get gray hair quick dealing with this.
Sorry this is happening, but you don’t need this in your life for someone you’ve known 2 months.
Good luck.
Tough situation. I’d say however that this is a lot for you to have to expect to take on after having just started seeing the guy. But if it’s not his, then breaking it off might not be in your best interests either. I really don’t know what other advice to tell you then to trust your gut. Super tricky gray area here.
I will say that if you do choose to stay with him, it is under strict, inarguable conditions that he gets a prenatal paternity test as soon as possible. They can be conducted after eight weeks of pregnancy, so if she’s been pregnant for two months, he is currently able to get a prenatal paternity test. If he and his ex can’t come to an agreement about getting a prenatal paternity test, or if he is resistant to doing so, after a month tops, I’d dump him if I was you. If he’s sure it’s not his, or rather wants to be sure, he needs to do this, and if his ex wants to definitively know who the father of her soon-to-be child is, it is in her best interest too.
Put it this way, it says a lot about the guy if he would be hesitant to do this. If an ex/girl I slept with was making claims that I was the father of her child, I would as soon as possible get a paternity test to make goddamn sure that those claims were true. I’m not taking her word at that, and if it is my kid, I think that it’s important to know that, even if I have no desire to be in the child’s life, that I know it exists or will exist. If this guy isn’t on the same page, it means he isn’t mature enough to handle sex and all that comes with it, and it also most likely means that the guy deep down knows the kid is his but doesn’t want to admit it. That kind of attitude going forward is definitely not going to be conducive to a healthy relationship, and it would be best to break things off at that point.
Remember there are always 3 sides to a story. You’ve heard one side. You don’t know what might have conspired to lead up to that point. They both chose to have unprotected sex. Don’t’ condemn her because a lapse of judgment. If she is pregnant her hormones are probably going wild. If it’s her first she is probably scared, and feeling pretty alone. Let it play out. If she is pregnant and he wants to be involved get a DNA test, simple. Don’t assume she is lying and isn’t getting an abortion to be spiteful. It is a tough decision that should be made with care. Maybe every time she closes her eyes she’s thinking of the precious life growing inside of her and can’t bring herself to do it. You don’t know what she may be going through.
If you connected with him like you said, and can see a potential future with him I say let it ride. 2 months isn’t even out of the first trimester. Or 13 week safe zone. If anything a birth would be 7-8 months down the road a lot can change in that time. You may be in love by then and you will be surprised what you’ll be willing to do for someone you love.