Dating : Guys only want me for a hookup
[F20] I was in a friend group last year that I am no longer a part of, for various reasons. A friend of mine from that group is in town and we talked about everything that had happened. One of the things he mentioned was that many of the guys in the group wanted me so they could hook up, but wanted to pursue relationships with the other girls of the group. This isn’t a new concept to me as it has happened often through college- and guys either left when they didn’t get what they wanted or they basically took me on a date and tried to hook up with me afterwards even though I showed no indication of being interested in that. It hurts, but what hurt even more was to find out even people I considered close friends felt that way about me. I have been told that my friends are wife material, but that I’m just hook up material. I’m not completely sure why guys feel that way but it does really hurt my feelings and self-esteem. I had a lot of things going on in the past so I can understand if someone got to know me and then determined that, but guys seem to determine that just from looking at me. I’ve been told that I am pretty, but so are my friends yet i am sorted in a different class than them.
People are generally looking for someone who is going to be low maintenance when it comes to commitment.
i.e. Not coming home to arguments after a long day.
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Unless you’re flagging obvious signs that suggest this sort of behaviour, would worry about it.
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Carry on as you are – eventually you’ll find someone who is a compatible fit.
Pay them no mind. They are young and immature. Hell, at 30 years old as a man, I still want hookups a little, and there are people at my age who act like your 20yo friends. Course, the desire for a relationship and marriage is strong in me being older now.
You are NOT some fling unless you choose yourself to be. Hold true to your values and please dont let some dumbass horny kids’ beliefs define you. I know it hurts, but you know it isn’t true. Be strong and keep going. Live your life and surround yourself with loving friends and pursue your dreams and passions. It will come one day if you dont give up. But not if you let some idiot’s words determine your value.
ummmm….. what’s the problem?
You should be worried if someone wants to date you or marry you within the first few weeks
Some of the advice on here are not the best. Be yourself and don’t ever lose yourself based on others. I’ve started to discover my tribe and you will too! By the sounds of it you’re more mature and that’s an awesome thing
There could be a variety of reasons as to why they flagged you like that. For me what is wife material? Do we have similar interests? Would she take care of me as I do her? Does she seem high maintenance? Etc. There can be multiple reasons for it but for me I am not looking for a fuck buddy but looking for a relationship. So let’s chat and see where it lands.
People are judgemental jackasses it’s like assuming a woman an « easy skank » base on how they dress and because they are open about talking sex when that’s doesn’t even show if she a « skank » or not. I love when men try to say only women are judgemental which is a lie men are very judgemental just like women. Just remember you know you don’t take anything to heart then you know it’s not the truth. If I was you I wouldn’t even give these guys a chance to be with you in the future. This lack of disrespect it’s their parents problem not yours. If it still bothering you months down the line you can always message these guys and asking them what this person was true or not and call them out for being horrible. People won’t change unless someone points out their problematic behaviour. If they act like assholes when you confront them just say « wow now I realize you really are a horrible person it’s really sad I thought you were more then that goodbye for good I want nothing to do with you anymore ».
Maybe expand the guys you have out with. Guys that young can be antsy, but I was 20 long ago and I didn’t sleep with my then 20 year old boyfriend until we were exclusive and that was a month, so they are out there. Find something you are interested in, go to a meet up or group meeting, find someone that has similar passions.
Your actions informed people that you were « hookup material ». If you want to be considered in a different class (say, « wife material ») you need to act like you belong there.
If you are a girl only getting hookups you are probably punching above your weight class