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Dating : Guys, please stop using your height as the reason why you can’t get dates

Dating : Guys, please stop using your height as the reason why you can’t get dates


I’m a 30 year old dude who’s good looking and athletic. I also stand at a massive 5’9. This hasn’t stopped me from getting dates, hooking up, whatever

Have I met/talked to girls who rejected me because I wasn’t tall enough? Yes. I’ve also been rejected for not being white, not being the right religion, whatever. But those were the minority; most women didn’t nitpick things like that. And besides, why would I want to date someone with that kind of attitude anyways?

I’ve seen so many posts/comments on dating subreddits from guys complaining about wishing they were taller, « girls are so shallow nowadays », etc. I’ll be blunt: it’s all a load of bullshit. This mindset is nothing more than resorting to a negative generalization to deflect the actual problems at hand, namely insecurity and poor attitude

I’ve been on dates with girls shorter than me, girls that were my height, and even a couple of girls who were an inch or two taller than me. None of it bothered me. I’m aware I’m average height, but there’s nothing I can do about that. What I can do, and have been doing, is work on myself and avoid having negative thoughts

Something else to keep in mind: I prefer brunettes, but I still go out with other types if I feel like there’s a connection worth exploring. For many women, a height preference is just that: a preference. If someone genuinely enjoys you, they’re not going to be bothered that you’re a couple of inches shorter than what they want. And if they do, again, *that person is not someone you want to be with anyways*

But if you continue with a negative, self-defeating attitude and insecurity about height, of course nothing’s going to happen. I, and many other guys my height, can tell you that there’s PLENTY of girls who don’t care about whether you’re six feet tall or not

Edit: After posting this, I started wondering how many girls put a height requirement in their dating profiles just to weed out all the insecure guys who complain about height, not because they actually care about how tall a dude is. I’d do it

What do you think?

43 Comments

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  1. I’m all for women being ridiculous and only wanting to date men taller than 6’. THAT MEANS THERE ARE MORE MEN IN THE DATING POOL FOR ME. They have no idea what they’re missing. Best sex I ever had in my entire life was a guy that was 5’5”. No one before or after has ever compared to him. Something special happening there..:

  2. 5’9” isn’t too short. My co-worker is 5’3” and 50 years old and he said it was even more difficult dating before the online-dating thing. He said most women turned him down for being that short. He married a 5’2” woman and their kids aren’t that tall. I’m not sure how tall is his son but he’s single.

  3. 5’3 asian male. Solid 5-6 according to r/rateme. Decided to try online dating recently and put my height in my profile just to see how bad it was.

    I was pleasantly surprised with a steady flow of matches and conversations with women I found interesting and attractive. Have a date set up for next week!

    Height is not the be all end all. Own that shit and act like you would if you were six feet.

  4. I’m a tall girl and I am dating a guy under 6 feet tall (almost exactly the same height as me) and it doesn’t bother me a bit… but the number of female friends I have who are shorter than me and also 100% unwilling to date guys who are under 6′ tall is astounding. They all put the fact that they want a 6′ tall guy in their profile. Yes, a guy under 6′ who is really trying can find a girl willing to date him but online dating is very difficult and it significantly narrows the field. Honestly, I give any girl who states she’ll only date a tall guy a lot of shit for it. It’s downright rude.

  5. I’m 5’7″. My wife is 5’9″ and very attractive. I’m pretty average looking, not even fit. I tend to get plenty attention from our female friends as well.

    I’m not a complainer, I have a good sense of humor and consider myself to be fairly intelligent.

    I think the number one thing a woman is looking for is confidence. Not arrogance, but just knowing who you are as a person. Be genuine. Be kind, and honestly just chill the fuck out. A woman wants someone in control of themselves and their emotions, stability.

  6. Lol dude you’re average height. You’ve got no business posting this. Until you try to date as an actual short guy, you have no idea how strict women are with this requirement.

  7. Honestly the positive attitude of it not mattering is great to have and a self furlfilling prophecy. That being said it is not a matter of anecdote one way or the other.

    You are average height telling short dudes it’s nbd. That’s not really your place to tell or even something you would know. I’m also 5’9 it’s Hollywood and white-collar short but in reality it’s taller than most girls and not really a huge hurtle to overcome. Just be interesting or funny or something and girls are np. It doesn’t work that way for someone 5’3, it’s a massive disadvantage and it’s not some random stories showing that, there is plenty of actual evidence on how much it matters. It’s an interesting physoclogy topic. Same thing with weight and many other factors. Not to mention tall women, which are more comparable to a 5’9 guy where it can be nbd as long as their crazy tall.

    Yes the people who whine are annoying, yes it’s not a death sentence, yes some girls prefer it. It’s still crippling for anything online and a major negative for most girls in person.

    Edit:. There’s also nothing really wrong on the girls side, a preference is ok to have and most girls prefer to be smaller for several different reasons, personal and social.

  8. I’m a 5’11 » female….who sometimes likes to wear heels that put me well over 6′.

    I have no issue with height. It’s one of the last things I look at tbh. Only issue I have with hight is when the MAN has issue with the height.

    I’ve met so many guys « oh you’re just not interested bc I’m so much shorter than you » nah….its the shitty attitude you’ve got about being shorter than me that’s the issue.

  9. Height does matter a lot for hookups and online dating and denying it is honestly wishful thinking.

    Now is it a death sentence? Depends. Your advice still applies but it gets exponentially worse as you get shorter. I don’t have much problems at 5′ 6″ but I imagine a man that’s 5 feet would have it a lot worse.

    That said, for LTRs, if you intend for them to be long term only require you to attract one person and physical don’t matter as much. If still you can’t find someone after that then the issue lies with you.

    I’ll just say, the only reason to care about casual sex is the ego boost.

  10. My BF is 5′ 7″. Seems tall enough to me since I’m 5′ 1″.

    I don’t think I’ve ever considered not dating a guy bc of his height. I think the shortest guy was 5′ 4″.

  11. All you have to do is know a tall guy that can’t get laid, then you realize the whole thing isn’t a conspiracy.

    I barely date anyone and I meet all of the « sixes » you’re supposed to meet, as a guy (height, income, physique). On paper I’m supposedly some mythical guy that all women want. None of that is rooted in reality, though. Reality is that luck and confidence are basically 90% of dating. Even if you’re quasimodo you can roll the same dice with the same odds.

  12. i agree that it’s about how you carry yourself too! i’m sure it is harder for guys who are short, but it doesn’t mean they’re always going to be rejected or that all y’all guys get mad pussy.

    I have a couple guy friends who are 5’6-5’7 but they’re cute and bc of their confidence, they get girls quite easily .

  13. Yea acting like height doesnt matter is just dishonest.

    Theres insane amounts of gaslighting around looks/height mattering for men

  14. 5’8 in socks. I’ve dated women ranging 4’11 to well over 6′. Never been an issue my height. I’m sure it’s a dealbreaker for some but ive never run into it before. I didn’t even realize it was a thing until I started browsing dating subreddits.

  15. I think the problem with height is that it is such a cut and dry, readily quantifiable thing. Its become a big deal in online dating because its become an important statistic because the idea of dating a 6’+ man is no en vogue right now. It creates a self perpetuating cycle. I think a lot of women who explicitly say they are only interested in 6′ or taller would be more open to men than are under 6 feet tall in if approached in person as long as he is still taller.

    You are only 1 inch shorter than the average height in the US. You’re about as short as a guy thats 5’11 » is tall. You’re also admittedly handsome and athletic. Being good looking is definitely more advantageous than being tall.

  16. I like that you tell guys to stop complaining about women rejecting them for their height, yet admit that women do reject dudes due to their height. It shouldn’t be a crutch, but not gonna fault the guys for complaining about it. It is a preferential choice that they have no control over, and it sucks to see people miss out due to it.

    While I agree, if you got confidence, good job, look good, etc. going on, you can do fine without it. But there definitely are plenty of dudes who are 5’5″ who don’t get as much play because of it. You know there are plenty of women out there that say on OLD profiles « If you are shorter than X’X », don’t message me/not interested. »

  17. I’m 5 4 and my honey is 5 1 and I never ever have thought about his height til now..I think you can have chemistry with all varieties of people.

  18. Height does matter. This is something you can observe. Go into a public area like a park or grocery store. Look at the couples in there. In like 9 out of 10 cases the man is taller then the woman. This doesn’t mean I haven’t seen couples where the man is shorter than the woman, but of all the couples I have seen in the past 5-6 months in public I saw about 2 couples where the guy was shorter then the woman. Like literally an inch or two shorter at most. Height of course can also be detrimental if a guy is extremely tall like 6’5 and he’s almost too tall for anyone else. So it can work both ways, but either way for people who say it doesn’t make a difference you gotta be lying to yourself. This doesn’t mean you should give up because of height, but it is a disadvantage to not be a taller guy.

  19. A large group of us actually prefer shorter men, too! I can’t say how many of us there are, but I can vouch for all of us five footers that shorter men definitely are easier to kiss! It’s comforting being with someone you don’t have to crane your neck to look at or carry around a step stool for hugs and the like.

    Stay strong, short boys!! You just need to find your short girls :))

  20. Saw a tweet that applies here: « Being in therapy is the new tall ».

    Edit:

    What I’d really like to say though, is, as a group, as a person on the short side (5’7″), I know it hurts. I know that this and a hundred other meaningless aspects of dating are not-so-subtle blows to the ole’ confidence. And I know if I were to ask five, fifty, a hundred women, most would say that height is something they like in men they date or hookup with.

    At one time it was endlessly frustrating to have something I can’t even control a little to be, this, obvious, if entirely and illogically ill-conceived statement on my worth as a person trying to connect with other people. How many times was I told specifically that height factored in, how many times did it seem like, contrary to any voices in opposition, taller automatically meant more attractive, self-secure, and successful in most areas of life?

    Confidence and attitude can never be underestimated, though most times ends up this convoluted layering of hollow ego. « Game » really is a poor man’s way of trying (and failing) to set parameters on human attraction.

    In my estimation of it though, it demeans and debases us to be so… dishonest and wilfully ignorant about some basic, perspective-adjusting facts here. More straight women don’t care about height than do. It’s an assumption that’s based on the idea that the women who prefer height as a primary factor are vocal about it. The women that don’t are uninvested in it, and even when they express it as this easily readable math, they get short-raged out of the conversation.

    Returning to asking five, fifty, and a hundred women… Ask those same women if they would rather choose a man who is tall, is wealthy, ultra-fit, and charismatic, **or** a man who is short, but skilled at conflict resolution, self-aware without overly self-deprecating/well-adjusted, and goal-oriented, assuming neither can possess traits from the other pool, and I’d bet literal money which women would choose.

    I also don’t think it unreasonable to question the integrity with which short men view and and approach the dating sphere. Can’t practice low-hanging superficial values, and then be mad other people do it too. Seek out people on compatibility, on their willingness to help others, on their goals and imagination, etc., and you’d breeze past all these people we’ve idolized and objectified passing people up over not being tall. It sounds simple, but changing your core values is heavy lifting, hard mode shit. But those changes radiate out to how you are attracted to people, the deep changes swell until it reaches the shallows, the little perspectives and opinions on things around you.

    Ultimately, as someone who is a little insecure about his height, I get it. But I encourage all the straight men who feel similarly to focus on only valuing what **becomes** them; only value what your ideal self would value, not to fixate on thoughts and feelings that attempt to diminish you. Certainly don’t lie to yourself and say something like height means more than your consistency of character, strength to confront and discipline and deconstruct your anger or hurt, and courage to be honest and self-aware. It’s not « game » or attractiveness your lacking, it’s sincere and determined conviction and integrity.

  21. Am 5’8 and got told by a girl she wouldn’t date me because I was to short, fine by me but I think the complaint is how judgemental woman are on height not the lack of dates.

  22. Well, hold up, Im only « 5’10 », but 5’10 » in my bare feet. Is your « 5’9 » barefoot? Because once u add socks and shoes u start creeping up an inch or so, and ur very near the 6 foot threshold.
    Much more so then the 5’4-5’7 barefoot guys
    Jus sayin.
    And im not makin excuses, i do well, and i know alot of other short dudes who get plenty

  23. I always chuckle to myself when I see this. I’m 6’0 and fit, which according to Reddit is the stereotypical ideal height, yet I can barely pull a date under twice my weight. Height isn’t everything.

  24. I’m 5’4 and I usually date men like 5’9ish! I don’t know, it’s just my thing, haha. I don’t like much taller guys, I feel too small.

  25. 5ft female here. All the men I have dated so far were taller than me. I won’t lie though, I do like height in a man. Although won’t deny a shorter guy because of height. Now if he has or wants kids or does drugs hell yes I will deny him.

  26. How bad is it to be short? Here we have a guy who is literally average height talking about how he has overcome being short.

  27. Just because you are not in the sweet spot concerning height it doesn’t mean you are short. 5’7″ and below is short. You have no business talking for people that actually is short.

  28. Are you stupid?

    Height is a BIG deal. Try being 5ft5 inches.

    5ft9″ is nowhere close to short. Anything 5’6″ and below is short.

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