Dating : Has anyone ever told someone they felt pressured physically and the person blamed them? NSFW
NSFW
I’m baffled… I’ve spent the last few hours mulling over the events because I’m so confused. I went on two dates with a guy and had said early on I wanted to take things slow physically. I felt very strongly about this. He was the first person to cuddle with me, kiss me, he didn’t want me to leave when I didn’t want to stay over, he kept pulling me on top of him, etc. The second date more happened but I thought I was reading the room and we didn’t do much more than make out but it ended with him using my boobs (not my idea) to jack off and finishing on my chest without asking permission or me suggesting ANY of that… I brought that up later and said I was uncomfortable with that, I didn’t like it, and I had felt pressured. He’s saying I was pushing being physical the whole time and made him feel uncomfortable. Other than me being TOTALLY clueless of my actions (and believe me I’m obsessing and trying to remember everything), why would a guy do that? Has this happened to anyone else?
edit: not asking whether to date him again… that’s out of the question. I just feel so confused and upset and am doubting myself in a way I never thought I would.
Red flag for me, I wouldn’t see him again. The response to someone telling you they’re uncomfortable is never flipping it around to them.
I do not know the proper psychological jargon but very common for people to attribute their own flaws to others.
Was this the second date?
As a man I would need to feel some pretty overwhelming chemistry for that to happen on a second date.
How long had you known him outside of the dates?
My take? Best case scenario you two just don’t communicate well and aren’t a good match. Worst case (and likelier) scenario is this guy is an expert manipulator and is trying to gaslight you. He doesn’t sound like a good guy.
Wow this guy is insane. He’s gaslighting you on date two, it does not get better from here. Drop him now.
Edit: as to your question about why, there are some mentally unstable people in the world. This guy is one step away from rape and saying you asked for it.