Dating : He has a backup girl

Dating : He has a backup girl

I (42 F) have been dating a man (46 M) for 3 months. I only get to see him every-other weekend because he is a single father with joint custody, and I live 3 hours away. Therefore, we can’t just meet up after work for dinner. Things are a bit difficult because of the distance and scheduling. I will admit that this leads to me feeling insecure at times and wondering if there are not other women. He admits to having female friends, some that he met via online dating. Yes, I met him via online dating as well. We are not in a relationship, but the deal is to not date other people and just focus on each other romantically as we work towards a relationship.

Two weeks ago, we got into an argument and went our separate ways. We reconciled a couple of days ago, but he admitted that he went on a hike with another woman. Now hiking difficult mountains is something he and I started doing as a couple. There is actually a challenge of 48 hikes that we started together. He took this woman on one of the challenge hikes. He tells me now that he will re-do it with me. Yes, I am very hurt. He met this woman last summer, went on a couple of dates, he says that she likes him but he only sees her as a friend. He said he only went with her because I was not an option that weekend. I asked who he would rather spend time with, and he said me.

So, isn’t this what you would call a backup girl, if this is true? I’m sad he took her on « our » quest. He says he did not know it was that important to me. How do others feel about backup options? I’m starting to feel that he isn’t all that interested in working towards a relationship after all if he has at least one backup option readily available at the drop of a hat. I am trying my best to just relax and if things are meant to be, then they will work out. But I am looking for a meaningful connection and relationship, and I’m wondering if I am wasting my time.

Read also  Dating : 21F, getting older and still alone.

What do you think?

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  1. He only went with her because you werent available. So if you stay with him, it doesnt sound like anyone else will matter. Its when you guys fought and split that someone else came in.

    As a guy, I kinda sympathize with him. It takes a looooong time to find women, and then you gotta work on building up a connection/friendship while women just gotta hop online for an hour to find someone. Sometimes its not worth the games and you wanna continue living your life without having to wait for the woman to calm down enough to respond.

  2. Most people have a backup when dating, even of only one.

    If he violated the agreement you two had, though, and he’s not being totally honest, you might need to reevaluate him.

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