Dating : He wants to kiss me but he won’t?
So I’ve (23F) been seeing this guy (30M) for a bit. We talk every day, have been on about 4 dates, and I have gone to his house to hang out/watch Netflix several times. One time after I left his house he texted me and asked if I’d wanted him to kiss me. I told him that I wasn’t just sitting there hoping that he would but I would have welcomed it if he did. I wasn’t sure really what to think about that conversation but I had more of an expectation that he would kiss me after he brought it up. We’ve hung out several times since then and nada.
I also worried that my response might have made him feel like I didn’t want him to kiss me so I have tried to be a little more flirtatious or give him more opportunities to since then. We cuddle a lot and there have been a handful of times when I thought he was going to but the most I’ve gotten has been a kiss on the head.
We hung out tonight and he later texted me to say ‘I have a lot of willpower resisting the urge to kiss you’ and I said ‘well why don’t you 😂’ He told me that he didn’t want to rush things. Now I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking things slow, but I was a little offput by that for some reason. We talked a little more about it and ended by me saying ‘well I kind of had wondered why you hadn’t so it’s nice to know’ and he told me ‘I mean you’re allowed to make the first move too’ and then he went to bed. Which, fair, I could, but I definitely lack the confidence to make first moves so that’s not going to happen.
Anyway, here’s the rant: I don’t feel like kissing me at this point would be going too fast at all, and I think I’ve made it very clear that I would like him to kiss me. But now I’m really annoyed because now I feel really weird about that topic altogether. I haven’t talked about having a first kiss with someone prior to actually doing it since I was in middle school and if he wants to kiss me then like just fucking do it don’t talk about it and make it weird. I feel like there’s almost more pressure around it now and that’s bothersome to me because I don’t want him to feel like he has to kiss me simply because I want him to, or that he has to restrain himself for whatever reason. The little bit that we talked about it really kind of talked the subject to death and I almost don’t want to kiss him anymore at all. I feel like discussing it in that way and especially over text is very immature and I expected a little more since he is so much older. I am absolutely okay with taking things slow, but he could have just told me that he wanted to go slow without having to put so much into kissing to do it. So yeah, I just feel weird and kind of confused about it all, but I guess we’ll see
>he later texted me to say ‘I have a lot of willpower resisting the urge to kiss you’
This is a strange thing to say. I’m sure he was nervous or something but…to brag about willpower? lol
>Which, fair, I could, but I definitely lack the confidence to make first moves so that’s not going to happen.
Wait…but you know you want to kiss him right? He’s holding back right? He suggested you could initiate…yet you dont have the confidence. This doesn’t make a lot of sense. I think you simply dont want to initiate…because you really want him to initiate. Has nothing to do with confidence at this point.
> if he wants to kiss me then like just fucking do it don’t talk about it and make it weird.
Yeah, this is the reason its bothering you not a lack of confidence. You want him to take the initiative and have it feel natural. But now that hes failed to do that, its awkward and annoying. Makes sense.
>The little bit that we talked about it really kind of talked the subject to death and I almost don’t want to kiss him anymore at all.
For the guys reading this, this is a great lesson in the importance of momentum. Guys get nervous and end up being too verbose or too careful to the point where it kills the vibe. Its a tough balancing act, but this entire post is a showcase of a guy who is trying to act confident but is failing to do so. Now its just awkward. This is what happens when you « overthink » things. If he just kissed OP, this probably wouldnt be an issue.
See how it goes and reassess, as long as you havent completely been turned off.
his loss… a woman shows the opportunity. she can make a way but it’s up to the man to make it happen. period
cut him off or don’t reward his current behaviors, eventually he’ll get the point
..
example
….. this girl completely liked me… I started off texting her, she would ignore me
I later took the hint
« hey stupid, call her. show her that you give a fuck about reaching out to her »…. haven’t had failure since….
and the Intimacy that we have is always a natural build up and I dont.jave awkward convos
Thats pretty weird. As an also 30 M, im thinking something is off. I don’t understand « taking it slow » in this case, it’s a kiss, not sex. He’s either too scared to do it, or there’s something else he’s hiding that he’s not telling you. I’d run.
Guys have a lot of oxymorons to deal with when it comes to dating. For example, women always complain that men « only want sex » but at the same time men are expected to initiate physical intimacy. If he goes for a kiss and you didn’t want it, all you have to do is tell Twitter and then boom, he’s a rapist. #metoo, etc. Cancel Christmas, kitchen’s closed.
But if you both know that you both want it, that just sounds like a lot of bullshitting and games going on.
sounds like he’s a virgin or doesn’t have much experience with women.
you might need to be more upfront or else he’ll probably never make the first move.
Well, I know he was in a long term relationship that ended a year ago, and he’s seemed very confident about everything else. Its just this lol
messaged you