Dating : Help i am being ghosted.
Hello, let me start off by thanking you for taking the time to help me here.
I started dating this girl in march, while she was still with his bf. We just had such a connection that we got crazy about each other. In end of May the boyfriend left her because he found out she was cheating on him with a 3rd guy ( just kissing). She came to me all depresed and said what happend to her. I held strong and told her she is a bad person and need to sort her shit out. She said i was right and began seeing a therapist. I gave in and we started dating.
While never official she said she wanted to be exclusive. We had an amazing time together, always good. She spent all of the time in my house even meet my whole family, we were a total team. We would talk about everything. She said she feels safe with me and even said her dead father would be really happy she brought me home. Last week we spend a vacation together and on Wednesday the whole day in bed and later a diner place we wanted to go to for a long time. We kissed goodbye and we never saw each other again. On Friday i texted her if she wanted to join me on a party. She was all un sure and flakey, said she was at some bd party. She gets pretty drunk and does drugs. At 7:00 i got an message.. We were supposed to go on a vacation for 5 days the next day.
« Hey, i think am not ready to spend 5 whole days with you. I think i just need to chill… Sorry for such a short notice, i think i got scared. »
I said: Of course i am not forceing you. I saw you were dodgeing me. I am just sad you didn’t even want to talk about it. You said you hate when someone just shuts down, i don’t like that either.
She :I guess i am a bit fucked up from the party, i just have this emotional instability, i dont want to be unfair to you just, i dont want to shut down, i dont know what i want.
I said: Well then take your time and get back to me when you do know.
She said ok… After i few days i said. Hey look, can we just talk this through?
No reply from her after a few days. I got really offended, how could she do this to me? After all that time she just breaks everything. I was sure she was seeing someone else. So i wrote her a long text saying that Its time we part our ways, i just cannot be with a person who just shuts down completely and leaves me in the dark. We hard great times and this is hard for me. When can we meet so we can return each others stuff?
No reply from here. She is always on fb and ig. I just am completely lost, i wish she would come back but at the same time who would want a person like this? I just want to find out what happend to us. I need some closure, so i can move on and heal. Right now my life is falling apart, i am a mess. I havent slept in 5 days, i eat rarely and smoke all the time. My friends are sad for me but annoyed. My job is at a standstill. Please help me. I just want my life back, with or without her.
Any help is appreciated. I know the best strategy is no contact, but at this point i just want to know what went wrong and move on.
Thanks again.
Run. She definitely has issues and will probably keep cheating. She probably met some dude at the party and didn’t wanna keep stringing you along. Once a cheater always a cheater.
>I need some closure, so i can move on and heal.
The thing is, you don’t need closure.
Because if she disappeared forever, it doesnt mean you’re ruined forever. It just sucks a lot.
>Right now my life is falling apart, i am a mess. I havent slept in 5 days, i eat rarely and smoke all the time. My friends are sad for me but annoyed. My job is at a standstill. Please help me. I just want my life back, with or without her.
If you know she’s not good for you, its a much easier process to move forward. She clearly made a decision, or is in the middle of something very difficult in her life. Either way, you dont have a choice but to accept it. One girl should not define your entire existence. You should be relying on friends that understand the situation. You should be actively getting out of the house and keeping your mind off of this. Its mostly up to you to start moving forward. Nobody will do this for you.
>I know the best strategy is no contact, but at this point i just want to know what went wrong and move on.
It just didnt work out dude. Thats it. Sometimes you dont get answers. And even if you spoke to her, who says she’ll be truthful? She could give bullshit reasons. It still wouldnt be closure. Forget about closure. Closure is an ego request. Not everything has closure, so don’t assume that you deserve it.
You’re gonna be fine. Sometimes dating/relationships dont work out.
You can’t control her behavior. Her actions suck but it’s not like you didn’t know what kind of person she was. You decided cheating, drug use and excessive partying was ok girlfriend material and now you’re upset because she’s doing to you what she did to other guys. I know you’re hurting and I don’t mean to be harsh but consider character the next time you date someone. You’ll be ok, just give yourself some time.
The first thing I would do in your situation is to cut the smoking out for as long as possible, cut alcohol out as well. Start doing something productive like exercising or going for a bike ride or pursue a passion that you have, try to keep distracting yourself with things that are beneficial to you. Your going to move on, your going to get over it and your going to be okay. You have to keep moving forward with your life because choosing to live a depressing lifestyle and being upset over this break up is only going to keep you from where you are destined to be.
I think maybe she was trying to let you down easy