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Dating : Hobbies don’t define you.

Dating : Hobbies don’t define you.


Hey everyone, I know this might seem like a no brainer for most people out there but I am seeing a lot of post about people who think their hobbies define who they are. With that, they tend to think they need a partner who has the exact same hobbies or they won’t be compatible.

Not to sound too stereotypical. Guys, it is ok if you play video games or watch anime. Ladies it is ok if you like to watch the bachelorette and follow makeup reviews/tutorials on YouTube. The problem arises when you believe your hobbies define you or they are the only thing you can talk about.

Think about it. There is so much more to you. Friends, family, values, outdoor hobbies, travel plans, music, movies, foods, drinks, fitness, work, politics, religion, passions, goals, ideas, art, jokes, fashion, and the list goes on.

My point being it is ok to broaden your search and date someone who isn’t exactly like you. If one of your hobbies is a general turn off for your intended date, don’t let it define you. “Sure I like to ____, but it isn’t something I do 24/7. I think it is ok and healthy if we like different things. Sometimes we need space from each other and ___ helps me to relax.” If your date has a hobby that turns you off, show a little empathy.

Happy dating friends.

*** As a few people pointed out, if your hobbies aren’t in the scope of normally accepted hobbies by society, this probably doesn’t apply to you. But if you are a true societal deviant, you probably don’t care either. So to each their own!

What do you think?

19 Comments

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  1. Posts like these are a little deceiving. Everything you’re saying is generally true, but this will be applied to situations that are definitely exceptions.

    If your hobby is being a furry, then that absolutely defines you and will be a major factor in finding a partner. If your hobby is playing tennis, then of course that’s no biggie and doesn’t define you.

    I think when you make posts like this you need to use specifics, otherwise you risk deceiving people.

  2. Yeah tell that to my ex. We are both outdoorsy people and shared many hobbies together, however there was a few of hers I didn’t do and vice-versa. She dumped me and found someone that shared the exact same hobbies. Oh well I guess.

  3. You’re right about hobbies not defining a person. The same is true of work as well.

    People who are considering finding others who share their same hobbies view this as a good starting point. Most likely they’ve already attempted to date people who simply didn’t have the same interest as them and they may have found it difficult keep discussions going.

    Finding someone who *naturally likes what you like* is then seen as a good alternative.

    If you want something different *you* have to do something different.

    Some couples do *everything* together and others do *specific things* together.

    There is no *one size fits all* approach when it comes to mate selection and our *must haves list*.

    Chemistry and compatibility can never be overestimated when it comes to long-term relationships.

    However it’s our ability to *tolerate or accept our differences* that will determine our union’s success.

    *** »Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is. »*** – Henry Cloud

    Best wishes!

  4. If hobbies don’t define us then neither does body count slays. Whether you’ve gotten your first kill this year or not, let’s embrace our hobbies.

  5. Nah, hobbies is part of who you are and they defines you along side your values and things you do.

    That’s doesn’t mean I don’t socialize with people who don’t share my hobbies, I have a friend who is a fan of starwars and even if I’m not a big fan of it, I can listen to him for hours.

    But the thing is, the kind of hobbies you do is pretty much indicative of the kind of person who you are.

    If your hobbies are things like: Hiking, going to the gym, traveling, scuba diving, dancing, ect, chances are you are extroverted.

    Well, I’m pretty nerdy, I collect pokémon card, I read a lot of manga, I’m taking japanese classes, I draw, I read horror books and play/collect videogames. I really don’t enjoy going outside a lot, neither socialize, I need a lot of alone time.

    I don’t want an extroverted partner, I would prefer to be with someone who is like me, and understand, for example, my need of alone time.

    Maybe I meet someone who, I don’t know, collect Magic Cards, or Yu-gi-oh cards, or maybe preffer Yokai-watch over Pokémon, or play videogames but is into a genre I’m not into, that wouldn’t be a turn off.

    But someone who likes to go dancing is a turn off because I recognize a potential incompatibility in our lifestyle.

  6. I very much disagree with all of this to be honest. Hobbies totally define who you are. Strip away the things someone is passionate about and do in their spare time and what are you left with? Nothing other than an occupation really. There are two big questions to ask someone on finding out what kind of person they are. What do you do for fun and what do you do for a living.

    Like for instance every single one of my friends that I get along with is because we share a hobby. Like with one friend I’ll have similar musical tastes with them and we will discuss that sort of thing or with another friend we both enjoy anime and will watch it together. I also have friends that I play video games with. If I didn’t share hobbies with these friends I would have no reason to be their friends.

    Likewise my first girlfriend and I had absolutely no common hobbies. I was very much a stay at home kind of person then, I played video games, read books, and played guitar. Those sort of things. My girlfriend was a health nut who went out running, cycling and went to gyms often. We were pretty much exact opposites when it came to hobbies and was the exact reason our relationship fell apart.

    Nowadays I am looking very specifically for people who match my hobbies. Maybe not an exact match but I certainly can’t be with someone who looks down on me for my hobbies. Like I enjoy cross-dressing these days and I wouldn’t need someone who also does this but if they give me crap for it and say I can’t cross-dress while out with them then I really don’t see that as a relationship worth pursuing.

    Hobby compatibility is one of the biggest factors for finding a match as far as I am concerned.

  7. Wow really solid advice. Let’s say I did have a less desirable hobby. Would you hide it on your profile? Or would that be dishonest?

  8. I think this depends on how much time you spend on your hobby. Whether it’s a “normal” hobby or not. If this takes up multiple nights a week or most of your weekends, just tell people how you spend your time. If they’re gonna be turned off by your video games or band or tv watching or knitting, wouldn’t you rather just… find someone who actually likes you and thinks you’re interesting? Instead of downplaying it because you think it’s not being received well?

  9. Being into festivals and dealing with entheogens usually requires a certain person to not look at me like a degenerate lol

    Some women are disgusted. Others we have hours of great conversations about our experiences.

  10. I don’t see how long motorcycle trips and camping are not an important hobby to share.
    And when I say camping, I don’t always mean installing the tent in a camping place that has all the facilities.
    And when I say long motorcycle trips I don’t mean riding a comfortable tourer you can sleep on as a passenger. I mean sometimes riding unpaved roads, crossing small water bodies, getting dirty…

    Edit: did I mention changing a tire or other small repairs in the middle of nowhere?

  11. I think discussing hobbies is a very base level of getting to know somebody. For some people I feel like building a persona behind a hobby is a safe way to get to know others and connecting without risking putting more vulnerable ideas and aspirations out there and being rejected for them. I can kind of understand wanting to connect with others over hobbies is fun, but I also have a hard time feeling like I really know somebody until we get past that.

  12. My major hobby is lifting. Otherwise, I don’t do much. Its not because I don’t want to. Its because I think its silly to do things by myself. I think this has worked against me in the past, which is one of the many reasons I dislike OLD.

  13. We need to draw a line where hobby ends and lifestyle start, because some hobbies can be your lifestyle as well. It can be big part of who you are. Like if you are a musician, they spend long hours practicing and then at jigs with their band, even if it’s just hobby not their career. It’s time consuming, it’s lifestyle, it deffinitely define who you are.

    If you are equestrian and you own a horse, it might be your hobby, but you spend probobyl every day at varn caring for your horse and riding, you are dirty and smelly. You need somebody who will accept it, because it’s part of who you are. If you really are true equestrian it’s something you just can’t stop doing. I know people who would rather die than never sit on horse again. Because it’s such a big part of their identity and it makes them happy, they can’t imagine to live without it. It’s beyond playing tennis once a week.

    I think it’s roots of stereotypes about musicians (artists) and equestrians. Crazy horse girls will always love their horses more than you, musicians will always love their craft more than you…Truth is, it’s part of their identity, you can’t ask them to stop doing that, you would tear appart part of who they are.

    I think both musicians and equestriany needs partners who are more than tolerating their hobbies, their partners need to accept it’s part of who they are. It’s the reason why I want partner who love nature, not oudoor type, but just love animals and plants, biology… because I can’t imagine to be with someone who doesn’t like those things.. what kind of person it is then? Hobbies indicate who we are, if we change hobbies we aren’t same anymore. If I start playing football and woodworking, then it indicate I’m not same person as I’m now. Also music taste can be indicative, I usually don’t fit well with rap lovers – I don’t know why. What we like and what we do indicate who we are, if we do and like something different we are different person. Likes and hobbies define who we are.

  14. Okay hear me out though, I feel you though but I just don’t think, no rather, I cant see how a relationship could work between me and someone who doesn’t particularly share my hobbies or at the very least have a passing interest.

    90% of my character at its very core is me staying inside playing games, watching shows, and art related projects. I aint a very outside oriented person lol. Sure there are some things I enjoy outside of those three, such as dancing, tennis, trying out new restaurants and such, but I don’t nearly know enough about those things, nor do I particularly care to know much about them. If you asked me, I likely wouldn’t even mention half of those things because thats just how little I consider those an aspect of me. Not unless you directly ask, » hey you play any sports? »

    With that in mind, I would highly prefer to date someone who has similar interests to me, because if she doesnt also enjoy doing indoor things at home, she’s 100% going to find me boring and not worth dating. It would also open up an initial topic we both can connect on and move on to other aspects. I can’t just sit there and pretend that I’m some kind of Tennis savant or a sociable club going kind of person for long periods of time dude.

    ​

    Tldr; My hobbies dont define me, but they are a pretty significant part of me. I’d highly prefer someone who likes and/or understands that. I feel as though someone with similar hobbies would understand and/or like that far more than someone that doesnt.

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