Dating : How can I get any results as a below average guy?
This is my throwaway account.
This is not a self loathing or self pity post, I’m looking for genuine advice.
I’m 37 year old man, have no experience in terms of dating or women. I’m below average in terms of appearance. I’m only 5 feet, and have a asymmetrical face (one of my eye is higher than the other and my jaw is more tilted towards the left). I was balding and have decided to have a shaved head and I do go to the gym.
Previously I’ve had a lot of issues with self confidence and was insecure due to my appearance and bullying. I still have some insecurities but after seeking professional help I’m in somewhat of a better place.
I’ve never had any success with the ladies, either online or in person. During my late 20’s I got desperate and paid for two dating platform but never even got a match. I even tried asking my friends if they had any single friends who they can introduce me to, it would usually result in either I getting ghosted after a few texts messages or them saying they already have a boyfriend/not ready for a relationship.
Due to the nature of my job I have to take care of myself (like hygiene, grooming, and clothing), and as mentioned earlier I go to the gym too. I’m completely lost here. I want to have at least one relationship in my lifetime, I also want to experience my first kiss.
If you have any advice or help please provide.
Become rich. Not sure what else could help
I kinda hate that I’m saying this but I’ve found the most peace pursuing things this way. Don’t look for love, let it find you.
I wasn’t confident in my looks up until a few years ago and just attached to anyone I felt attracted to. However I’m not doing that anymore and I don’t have a relationship but I had one at one point. The way that happened was because I was focusing on my own stuff and eventually ran into someone I got a long with and after abt half a year decided to date her. Wound up getting dumped because well, she wasn’t who she thought she was and I didn’t know how to handle that relationship.
It sucked but it’s success in my eyes because in terms of quantity that’s an increase. I’m not trying to be Glenn Quagmire so once I healed from the breakup I just went back to focusing on myself.
Know yourself. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Good things will happen and bad things will happen, just gotta learn to accept both possibilities and give things time.
Oh boy, that is a really shitty hand you have been dealt, dude.. Sorry.. As a female, I have a few pointers for you.
1. Get a kick ass body, I mean kinetic ripped.
2. Grow a beard, go to a stylist to fix it + your hair, they will also give you tips how to style your hair for every day.
3. Add glasses or get a plastic surgery for your eye. If this is extremely visible, chances are it will be free (depending on where you live)
4. Fixing your jaw can be free also, depending on how it looks. If this isn’t an option, beard will cover it up nicely
These are all visual fixes that take literally no time. Personality wise, you seem like a sweet guy, but being charming and funny isn’t something that comes to people naturally, and you have to work on yourself with a mentor. I personally wouldn’t recommend it. Just be yourself.
If you manage all that, and you start getting attention, please don’t sell yourself short, god only knows what kind of females will end up in your path. Be careful and think twice before you give your heart away to the first one that shows interest.
If you need any more advice, you can DM me anytime..
they do offer surgery for fixing mismatched eyes and jaw surgery is always an option too. i too had a jaw that grew longer on 1 side and had surgery. looks better now.
Grow a beard. That can do a lot to « cover up » an ugly face.
But regardless, you were dealt a shitty hand and that sucks. You best bet is to go after women who were also dealt shitty hands. That means overweight/obese and ugly.
Find a different comment section, or at least listen to the comments that point out how many ugly dudes have girlfriends and not the ones here telling you to basically find a cave and become a troll. It’s absolutely not easy, but there are women for whom other things are important too.
I won’t say it’s impossible, but it will be unlikely to happen. I’m really sorry, man. I really hope you do find someone someday that can give you those experiences. Thankfully, in the meantime, there are so many different ways to get fulfillment from life. Lots of different hobbies to pursue that can really give some satisfaction. Find the things that give your life some drive and put your energy into those things.
You’re just not good looking enough for girls to find you attractive. Sorry but that’s how it is.
Hookers for sex
being only 5 ft, your personality doesn’t mean shit. Unless you can meet a 4’5 girl, or a woman willing to settle, you’re screwed.
confidence!! sounds so cliche but it makes a world of difference. people can’t buy what you aren’t selling
Honestly, given your situation. I’d just go with hookers.
I know its easier said then done but try looking at yourself and focusing on the positives. I went out with a guy once who survived the Rwanda genocide, so he was quite short from malnourishment as a kid and one of his eyes didn’t open. I was completely swept away on our date though. He was just so funny, cracking jokes about people around us, charming the bartender, and I noticed he tipped really well whenever it was his round at the bar. All these things are more important than looks IMO. Not to most people but to some, and those are the ones you should be pursuing.
Get all the advice you can from feminists. Then, do the COMPLETE opposite! You’ll get girls then. What they say with their mouth is usually the opposite of how they actually think.
Go the Philippines, if someone 4ft8 there turns you down you may have to rely on having lots of benjamins. I hear you grow an inch taller for every 100’000 you make.
Just a suggestion, in trying to be wanted please don’t lose yourself. Take advice, but compile them and process which ones to take. A pretty generic advice, but don’t lose on things that make you happy.
Boast about your career.
Get in shape, earn more money, learn how to dress yourself, learn how to talk to women by going out and talking to women regularly (cold approaches, dates, etc.)
I have 2 suggestions, pal.
1. Become higher status. Get really realy good at something. Where the prestige and or money is top notch. If you can do this, women won’t give a shit what you look like. They’ll want to experience you n your high value life. It’s amazing how once you worry about leveling yourself up in real ways, the women come. Trust me, this works.
2. Go to mex, phi, south America and bring one home. I hate to say this but women here expect too much. In men, you will find a plethora of women, young n old, beautiful, ugly, religious, however you want, willing to come home w you for a better life. I did not do this but I still might.
No matter what you decide, being Mr nice guy, put them on a pedestal, will never work. You’ve gotta be so confident in yourself that you don’t give a damn about how tall, how good looking or how attractive you are. Because you have to be so into your purpose that those things become superfluous.
Good luck, brother.
Low hanging fruit is easier to grab go after 5’s and drink untill their 10s?
This is certainly not hopeless. If it’s something you truly want, then it can be obtainable. There’s probably no good one answer that will work for you, so try to work on some of the things you can be comfortable.
The key is work… I would suggest more dating sites, as bad as they could be for the self-esteem. Maybe place an ad looking for a friend… or maybe that you need practice going on dates if there’s anyone that wants a free dinner…ha. You write well, so be creative, maybe throw in a little humor , I’m sure you can get someone’s interest . Talking with the opposite sex can help you learn, gain confidence as well as generally rounding you out a bit and the time out, without the pressure, may actually be fun . It may take time but you may just find one or two will take you up on it. Just remember why you were there and keep it friendly.
don’t be self deprecating, and work on a little confidence…. not cocky just confident… be comfortable with yourself, work your positives, don’t overdo it…. dressing up, things you feel you should have to talk about, etc.,.. Be Nice, be honest and most of all be yourself. it’ll take time but you it can be fun learning things along the way.
You have a lot going against you. Pick women that seem like they are at or below average as well. You can’t afford to be too picky in your situation. But as the saying goes you just have to get yourself out there. . .advice and talk is cheap
For starters, you’re going to want to get in shape and pursue hobbies to keep yourself in a good mindset. To be successful as a man that isn’t tall, or the most handsome, you’re going to have to have a good group of friends, be in fantastic physical shape, work on your speaking/banter skills, and get your money right to the point that you can go to most average places and not be too concerned about how much things cost.
Unfortunately, women your own age are going to be experienced and expect a man to move and act a certain way. The fact that you don’t have dating experience is going to be a huge challenge once you get to that point. That being said, once the things I mentioned are in order, then you should date younger women. They tend to have lower standards because they are less experienced and will appreciate a man that brings money, social status, and experience interacting with women so that interactions are smooth and enjoyable. Young men don’t bring those things to the table so younger women tend to date older, which helps older men.
Lastly, make damn sure that a girl that dates you is enthusiastic to be with you. If she’s not then move on. Staying with an unenthusiastic girl is going to hurt your confidence when you’re starting out dating and is not worth wasting time, for either of your sakes.
Please do not make women the end all and be all of your life. The right women can definitely enhance your life greatly, but the wrong women can cause problems that you couldn’t even imagine.
The biggest thing that helped me was to not look at your faults and label yourself below average or above. Girls have issues to and nobody is perfect. Before you go out to meet someone think of things that help u feel confident. Get yourself in a confident mood. Next don’t be afraid or don’t be hurt when u get turned down. No one is liked by everyone… learn how to read female facial expressions. Also learn about things females like so you can give them compliments or start a conversation. I also like to go for some intense cardio to get my blood pumping before I go out to meet women.
Women can sense vibes you put off. Like insecurity or sexual desire. So get your head in a calm place. Learn how to be okay on your own. The more you feel pressured to meet a women your going to show signs of desperation. So learn how to be happy by yourself so that when you get turned down it doesnt hurt as much cause everyone gets turned down at some point. Go to activity or places you feel confident in. don’t be afraid to speak your own mind. They’re alot of men out there that tell women whatever they want to hear and r afraid to speak there mind. Try to show the best side of you at first. If you see a women you like don’t be afraid to talk to her. A girl might not see you as much at first but sometimes after a stimulating conversation that opinion can be changed.
Honestly, I think I would say, go for a killer body. See how far you can get in the gym and nutrition wise. Obviously you are very short for a man looking to get women but that doesn’t mean you can’t get ripped and show women that you are passionate and in control of the body you have.
Regarding the face department, I’d say look into any plastic surgery options you have available to you. See what there is to offer to at least fix some of the insecurities on your face. That should boost the old confidence too.
Finally, I know one of the main problems probably concerning you is the height. I can’t relate because I am 6ft tall but tbh I don’t think height should concern you as much. There are shorter women and women the same height as you. Just try to improve what I’ve said above and work on the personality too, also do not seem desperate. Big mistake. Women hate desperateness. They want someone to make them swoon, not someone to make them overwhelmed or fed up.
Good luck 🙂
There’s a lot to be said for just being you. Don’t base your worth on being in a relationship. Do things you enjoy and make you happy and from my experience other parts of your life will start to slot into place. Someone who is living a happy life single seems to be far more attractive to other people regardless of looks etc.
Other people have said about desperation, I think potential partners can smell it a mile off and find it a subconsciously massive turn off.
Its not about confidence or faux confidence, and definitely not about plastic surgery. Being comfortable in your own skin, independent and happy in your own company (even when out with friends) will prepare you as much as possible and this happiness comes out to other people. Meeting the right person is far more luck based needing this on top of right time, right place etc.
All you can do is focus on the parts you can influence, the rest you just have to have faith will fall into place. Rooting for you and sure you will meet someone in your own time. Never give up though, as doing that will be an immediate self-fulfilling prophecy.
Most important part though is to just do things in life that make you happy.