Dating : How can you find someone via online dating / dating apps as a below average looking man?
I am having a very difficult with online dating / dating apps.
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I have been trying that for quite some time. But I have no success at all. I only got a handful of matches so far on the apps I am using. But it turned out they are just bots.
I think that there was actually one match that might not have been a bot, beacuse she didn’t sent me an ad.
I wrote her first, but unfortunately I never got a reply. Maybe her swiping right on me was just an accident.
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I think my profile is fine. I read plenty of guides online on how to create a good profile. I filled out my profile with information about me, I put my hobbies/interests there, what I am looking for and so on. And I put some decent pictures of me there (I am on a hiking trip on one for example and on another one I am on vacation in a big city). And I have been liking about 70% of the profiles I am seeing on these apps, so I don’t think that I am too picky, or am I?
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But let’s be honest, I am not the best looking person. And while looks might not be that important in the long run when it comes to a relationship, it definitely is important when it comes to first impressions. And I have the feeling that first impressions are all that counts in online dating. Many people there seem to be quite shallow/picky. And there are many people using those apps, so the women have plenty of men to choose from (why would they pick me?).
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There are several different websites online where you can get your looks and photos rated, for example here on reddit, but I used others as well. I upload several different pictures of myself on several websites to get my looks rated. And everywhere I got similar ratings. So I would say that the results are quite significant. To sum it all up, I got rated 4-5 out of 10. Which unfortunately is a bit below average. I wish I would have gotten better results but that’s how it is.
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And I think my below average looks play big role in me not having any success in online dating.
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I know, now you might say that I should just stop online dating and try finding someone in person. I have tried that plenty of times too without success. I am a rather quiet and introverted person. Socializing and approaching others in person has always been difficult for me.
That’s why I got recommended to find someone via online dating. Which turned out to just suck equally.
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So is there anything I (a below average looking man) can do to have better chances in online dating / dating apps? Or am I just out of luck here?
You can’t. Delete the apps and reengage with real life
Decent looking guy here, who works out etc…
I don’t do well on OLD jump off the boat and try real life. OLD is for top 20% of men.
It’s over boys.
You’re pretty fucked. 58% of women’s likes to to the top 10% of men. 96% of their likes go to the top 50%.
That means only 4% of the likes are spread out over the entire bottom 50% of men.
If you are below average and in that bottom 50% your only hopes are to get rich and get a sugar baby who will pretend to like you for your money, get ripped and hope you bump up a bit, or get surgery and hope you bump up a bit.
Dating is 90% looks for men. Women have never been more superficially selective.
You don’t. You need real life social encounters to validate that you’re worth a damn to a woman.
This is not possible through online dating.
Shit. Follow 40 year old virgin advice. Slay some hood rats.
Same
You’re fucked, women only want top 20% men
No. Online dating is not a good choice for you. Sack up and date face to face.
I’m above average. It takes me 2-3 months to find someone online. Maybe more sometimes. U have to be patient. It has nothing to do about looks.
I was at the gym tonight and watched about 15 guys drool over a girl who obviously has dedicated a huge effort towards her body. She has one of the best physiques I’ve seen in the gym. I say this not as an insult to her AT ALL but if you put a regular average body on her most guys would probably rate her a 5. Instead she’s a 7.5 minimum. And it’s not just her bubble butt or toned body that makes her attractive. It’s also the confidence in which she carries herself, the work ethic she has and her positive attitude and smile that she carries. Reading your post made me really upset because it felt like you thought there was nothing you could do to improve your situation. If you gave yourself 1 solid year in the gym and eating healthy this is what would happen:
1) Your self esteem would go way up
2) You would start getting looks from women you didn’t think possible which would further point 1
3) You would value yourself more and your efforts.
4) You would begin to set more goals and know they are attainable
5) You would walk with confidence and there is nothing more attractive to women than confidence.
I am sorry things aren’t easy right now in that department for you. But I want you to believer and know it is fixable. I hope you give yourself a year or two to REALLY work on becoming the best version of you that you can be. I know without any doubt that you can raise yourself 2-3 notches on that scale you referred to. So now you would be a 6 to 8. Women frequently date less attractive men than them who have confidence and a positive lifestyle. So that means you could snag a 7 to 8.5 girl. Much more importantly, if you snagged a 6 to 7 girl with a kind heart, you really scored a 9 or 10. I wish you all the best and I hope you believe in you, because I do.
Online dating is very hit and miss since it’s so luck based.
As a fellow introvert I know how much it sucks but there rarely ever is an easy way out and you really do just have to go out and talk to strangers. At the very least you can guarantee acknowledgement and most likely a conversation too which may end up going further. Further than getting unlucky with bots ever will.
Even if you don’t end up going further with anyone, the fact that you’re putting yourself out there and talking to people will subconsciously increase your confidence and charisma and as a result of that it ends up just becoming a matter of time.
Hope this helps, stay strong out there friend 🙂
1. Your location might be a factor (and it’s often the biggest factory). If you’re not in or close to a large city your results are going to suffer.
2. It might be helpful to post the photos you’re using, along with the bio you have on your profile.
3. You might have to start approaching girls in person. It’s literally a numbers game, you’re going to have to do lots of approaching and dealing with rejection to get to the few girls who will go out with you, and then the few that you’ll actually connect with. I’ve had success by following this channel’s advice:
1. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETmLLuWg3LE&t=2433s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETmLLuWg3LE&t=2433s)
2. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1_e8SSSn4E](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1_e8SSSn4E)
3. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXNG1xJYWn0&t=2126s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXNG1xJYWn0&t=2126s)
4. The way you talk about yourself also makes me feel like you need to also work on your confidence. Building your confidence and figuring out ways that you can improve yourself (physically, mentally, emotionally) to make yourself more attractive to women.
5. A girlfriend is not going to cure your loneliness. I could suggest finding a therapist to work through those issues, including the trauma of losing your mother. There are tons of resources and people out there that can help you with this. There are also free resources…but any money you spend is an investment in your wellbeing. It’s never wasted. The hero’s journey starts with a single step.
Is there anything you can do to boost for your looks?
For example:
1. Getting a new haircut that is modern.
2. Getting a few new shirts that are in style.
3. A new skin care routine.
4. Getting rid of glasses for contacts.
While these things might seem small, I usually find that any step towards improvement helps build momentum and helps you feel better about yourself. If you are doing these things, sometimes changing up the routine is helpful too.
As long as you are taking any step at all to improve a an identified problem, you will feel a rocket boost of confidence that helps you fairly quickly. Hope that helps!