Dating : How can you say you like someone if you only hang out once a week
I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 4 months. And he is super fun but he is horrible at texting. Literally maybe once every second day.
Anyway last weekend he told me he liked me. But I think he only said it because he was drunk?
I’m just entirely confused. How can you like someone if you only see them once a week and text them twice?
How can someone be so busy to not text more. I see it as though, if he doesn’t text he isn’t interested. Talking to someone should be exciting and not a chore.
Should I let him go?
I’ve talked to him about it and I said he shouldn’t change for anyone and if I don’t like it it doesn’t mean he should change.
I’m just so confused.
Asking someone to put more effort in isn’t asking them to change some important part of his being. There’s always a minimum effort that needs to be put in to make both sides happy. If it’s not working for you, give him a chance to change and if he doesn’t drop it. Nobody is so busy they can’t text a few times a day.
For him not to initiate isn’t a sign of his attraction level. Men tend to focus when busy. If you initiate and he’s unresponsive, that’s a definite indicator. What is your situation like?
I think in terms of dating seeing each other once a week is quite normal. I wouldn’t have time to see anyone more than that at the moment with work, friends and other commitments.
The texting could be better but everyone has different approaches to texting.
The way he is with you in person would show best. Do you go on dates? Do you know his friends? It depends on how he integrates you into his life. It’s been 4 months so I’d say that’s enough time to ask him if he likes you and is happy to see you.
Why’s texting so fundamental?
I’m not a enthusiastic texter myself, and it’s not a matter of time/effort/lack of interest.
I perceive texting as superficial, trite and time-wasting. I honestly don’t want to know what my girl’s up to or spend time entertaining me and her on a phone.
On the other hand, when a problem arises I am the one who picks up his phone and tries and solve it asap.
About meeting once a week, it should be pretty standard considering work/study/family/friends.
if you cant spend the 30 seconds it takes to read a text, and type even a tiny ass response, you arent worth talking to..
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I hate people like this.. I really do.. Dont pretend like youre not fucking connected at the hip to your god damn phone. We all know its in your fuckin pocket at all times, and if it isnt, its in your hand because youre sitting on the internet or texting with it..
I would say let this one go. if you pursue this relationship it will be just more frustration and disappointment down the road. like he said, he is not gonna change.
One thing I have learned while dating — actions should always match what they say. If he says one thing, but his actions say something completely different, then he’s full of shit and he’s probably dating other people.
Unless he has a crazy, demanding job, then I call bullshit and he’s wasting your time, keeping you on the back burner.
Also, him being drunk means absolutely nothing. I have had drunk guys tell me they like me.. it doesn’t mean anything. Men say anything. They can be drunk, sober, whatever.
What matters are his actions. When someone is interested in you, they will contact you, they will see you more than once a week, they will make it obvious and you won’t have any doubts or questions.
Guy here….based our experiences with women. Showing too much interest usually comes off as being more emotionally invested than the girl is, then the dynamics shift and she’s the one pulling away.
As immature as it is, that’s just how dating is nowadays I think.
I think he may be really into you but he’s afraid of messing up so he’s « playing the game » .
I may be wrong but that’s my 2 cents.
Set your terms in this relationship. It seems like he’s slowly pushing the terms to be less texting/communication. That’s independent from attraction level; he very well might really like you.
But for you, you obviously feel like you need to have more communication to make it work. I’ve had to learn this lesson myself (as a guy), that a girl wants to communicate more. He will need to learn it too, because this is clearly important to you. If his terms are to reach out less, that’s fine; that clearly is a sign that this guy isn’t going to be right for you in the long term.
I’d point blank ask him to communicate more. And that if he’s not going to do that, then it’s just not going to work out between the two of you. I think it’s critical for you to do that, because this will going to hurt you even more when you’re in deeper and he retains this communication style.
In my case, I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months and I decide to catch up with him (usually) once a week (sometimes twice)
He’s the best man to come along for many years now, but I can’t just drop my life. I have a busy day. Plus, going some days without him makes me miss him more. It’s good for us and we are super strong
So yes. It’s possible to like someone that much even if you hang out once a week
Seeing someone once a week is normal.
It’s not like in the Disney movies I’m afraid where you spent 24/7 with each other.
You told him something was bothering you and he told you too bad.
I would have immediately ended things right then.
27f and he is 28m btw
I had a very similar situation with my ex, a douchebag FYI. Told me his sister visited him/engagement party went too long/got sick after work…hence forgot to text me and disappeared for days. I had my doubts, just like you do now, but everytime he came back, it was very passionate and affectionate, told me he liked me more than anything else bla bla bla. It turned out that I was the side piece that he was secretly cheating on his main. So, my advice is To trust your gut. Tell him your need of communication. Nobody is that busy or bad at texting to not just send a quick text. If he cares he’ll give you attention and leave you no doubt, if he doesn’t like you, you’ll feel unsure and confused.
I’m currently experiencing this myself but not as long as you so I just dropped him because he asks me questions through text and then doesn’t respond when I ask back.
He wasn’t like this before, this is a recent thing so I assume he’s met someone else or always had someone else.
I’m not quite sure that’s the same for you but I personally cannot be with someone like this. I need communication and effort. If you do too, I would talk to him about it and if you don’t see a change in behavior or effort, I would move on.
Plenty of fish in the sea, this one may not be it.
He isn’t interested. Forget about him. And if you stop answering maybe he’ll put more effort . If not then you got your answer.
Why doesn’t he want to text? I hate texting and I teach so texting during the day is not easy and I forget. I don’t like to have to talk on the phone either because I talk all day…responding to little ones. So, when I get home I have to decompress. I need peace. Then, maybe it’ll be nice to talk. Then, I don’t want to have to keep the conversation going. I look forward to the face-to-face talks and company.
A golden rule to follow is to only ever follow actions and don’t pay too much attention to words. So, from what you’ve said you’ve got. « I like you » while drunk, which I’d give about a 0.1 on the meaningful scale, and you’ve got not texting you, not asking for exclusivity in 4 months of dating, and not even trying to impress you or change for you.
For me that equals about; Liking you = 10% (generous) chance, and not liking you (actions) about a 90% chance.
If a guy isn’t that into you NOW, after a mere 4 months, it’s not going to get any better. He’s keeping his options open, while « getting the milk for free. » And ambiguity about your relationship is a common strategy men use to keep you around and manipulate you.
I’d say, if you’re not ok with that, Leave + 1
I don’t see texting like that necessarily as a sign of disinterest. Personally, I have issues with being concerned about bothering people and overthinking what I say, and therefore find texting somewhat stressful.
That said, wanting more frequent communication is perfectly reasonable, and his refusal to reciprocate this request IS a sign of disinterest.
Sounds exactly like me hahaha. I’m not big on texting, it’s distracting and the cumulative time to text back and forth adds up to a lot of wastage – yes, I’m on my phone but I set it mainly for work texts. I made this clear early on with my girl and she’s on the same boat. We text maybe once every 3 or 4 days but go out 1 or 2 times per week. It’s nice to hear from each other time to time, but most of the time we’re genuinely busy people with other priorities in mind – that way we’re not clingy to one another, which I believe is a healthy practice to adopt.
Make it clear to him that you want his attention through texts. If he’s interested, he’ll reciprocate – but he’ll be slow at first, so don’t expect a sudden change. You hear a lot that communication is key – here’s a chance to test him on that aspect – you don’t want to be with someone who’s terrible at communicating. Be direct about it, not « I’d really love it if you do X but it’s ok if you don’t cuz I don’t want you to change for me » – it’s not a big request, he should be ok with it. Don’t beat around the bush and expect him to get what you mean (seriously, most of the time, men can’t take the hint).
One last thing. Whenever I feel like I need to text just for the sake of casual texting, I always stop and ask myself if I have anything in mind to steer the conversation towards. If there’s none, these type of texting conversation dries up pretty quickly and you’ll eventually get sick of it (I can tell you that for sure). So, I’d rather wait for the one day we meet up in person to tell everything about my week. Think about it, if this is the guy you want to invest time in, you don’t have to rush in and dig out everything you need to know about him in that instance, let alone through text – take it slow, if you guys enjoy each other’s company, that’s all that really matters.
But again, if it’s something you really really want, then ask him that. I usually go for an early morning text like « Was thinking about you, hope have a good day » etc – short and simple, there isn’t even any need for her to reply, just letting her know that she’s still on my mind.
« If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t you’ll be confused »
Not sure who originally dropped this knowledge but I think it applies here. It is possible that he is really busy and not a good communicator, but in my experience when someone is really into you they will make time for you.
If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, then ask yourself this: could you live with his communication style in a relationship? It seems like the answer is « no. » He told you that this is not something he is willing to change you may need to move on even if he does like you so that you can find the kind of communication you are looking for.
Texting too much is off putting it looks desperate. I’m sure once he knows you like him too he’ll text you more.
For me I work full time and am a single mom. The person I’m seeing knows all this and knows I may not always text back right away or at all. Doesn’t mean I’m not interested but I’m not staring at my phone every 2 seconds either. I also don’t really like texting since it feels impersonal to me.
This guy on the other hand probably is either dating other women or is a horrible texter. If you’re not happy just end things OP. There’s no sense in being unhappy.
Let him go. If someone is interested they will talk to you…
if its bad now at the start itll only get worse. know what you want out of a relationship and partner. have some backbone about it.
ughhhh I’ve tried to F with dudes like this. You have to decide whether you’re OK with the communication/ quality time being as infrequent as it is/ it seems on his terms? If you feel like you want more, ask for it. If he won’t give it, then you have your answer bc you deserve what you want! But, if you don’t mind how things are, don’t overthink. Just enjoy. (sorry if you didn’t want advice; sorry he’s being so confusing though!). Best way to deal with ppl like this is ask directly and appropriately for what you want, and accept when it’s not going to change/ you can’t keep it going as it is.
I met this French guy in a hostel dorm couple of months back. We talked for less than 15 minutes for consecutive 2 days. But I know I like him, like a lot. This is something that has never happened to me. Its sad that he left 2 days after and I probably will never be meeting him ever again but I legit know that I never felt anything like this before for anybody. So my point is, you know in your gut somehow that you like a person, it does not need any reason sometimes, you just know it.
I know it will be uncomfortable, but pull back and see how he reacts.
As Robert Greene said, » Absence and presence have very primal effects upon us. Too much presence suffocates; a degree of absence spurs our interest. We are marked by the continual desire to possess what we do not have—the object projected by our fantasies. »
If you pull back with communication, I think you’ll get a better idea of where he stands. If he doesn’t make any effort to reach out to you, he’s not worth your time.
depending on whatelse is going on once a week aint bad. and some people just dont text much.
that said if you need more leave and ge it
If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.
*he is super fun but he is horrible at texting. Literally maybe once every second day* – Today, people are looking at their phones every 5 seconds. Mine is on my desk face up next to my left wrist.. This low effort texting is a conscious choice.
*I see it as though, if he doesn’t text he isn’t interested. Talking to someone should be exciting and not a chore.* – YES! Both parties should be excited to text each other, the waiting around for hours for a text back is not a game you should be playing.
*Should I let him go?* – YES, however judging from this, if you stop reaching he’ll disappear..
*I’ve talked to him about it and I said he shouldn’t change for anyone and if I don’t like it it doesn’t mean he should change*. – Worst response ever, is this how you would like to start off and set the tone for your relationship?
Your communication styles need to match up. He isn’t giving you what you need or making your feelings valid.
It isn’t about « changing » per say, but I’m doubtful most women would feel comfortable barely hearing from or seeing this guy at such an infrequent amount. He’s gonna face a harsh reality OR he’ll « change » for the right person.
I recently was seeing a guy who would text me and then not continue the conversation for days at a time. I tried mirroring his texting style and it got worse. He told me seeing me would be a « top priority » before I went on a vacation, ignored me for 7 days, then tried to say it was a hectic week.
It takes minimal effort to send a text/give a heads up if you are busy. If he isn’t giving you what you need, move on and don’t let yourself feel like you’re unwanted because this guy is a jerk.
It depends on lots of circumstances. The older we get, the more demanding our lives get. I’d be fine dating someone if we only saw each other weekly. Until it’s very serious, I see no issues with it. But it is weird that there isn’t some other type of communication.
Just give him a call if you miss him. Texting sucks.
Wow people take texting really seriously.
Maybe I can provide some context about us less active texters. I would rather hear about your day in person, see your reactions as we’re chatting. I also focus pretty intently at work and would only reply every few hours, so the conversation is very delayed.
I just don’t hold conversations over text well. I see it as medium for solving problems, organizing events, etc. Every now and then I get a good conversation going, but it is mentally draining. I feel introverted when texting even though in person I am extroverted.
I don’t text in the truck and my commute takes a while, Bluetooth mic is broken so really no phone conversations while driving. My motorcycle helmet has Bluetooth but I need to focus while riding so I keep those conversations short. Also both are noisy so people complain they can’t hear me.
My biggest love language is quality time and texting feels like it drains away from quality time. My 2nd love language is touch, so I feel the need to be present with someone to feel connected. The ability to lay my hand on their shoulder or give them a hug allows me to really feel compassion and empathy.
Look up Anna Akana’s video called « Know Your Value » on YouTube!!
I would copy what Anna says in the video and say, « Hey, can we talk? I’m looking for a committed relationship, and this whole hanging out once a week thing isn’t enough for me. I think we should start seeing other people. It was nice getting to know you, and I wish you the best. »
THANK U, NEXT.
Anna also says that when a guy likes you, YOU KNOW. When he doesn’t, you feel confused.
This might be an unpopular opinion here, but I think you deserve more than a text every other day, girl!! Go out and find a cutie who shows you how much he likes you 🙂
If he’s like me (maybe he’s not), he’s a man on a mission and nothing is more important than his purpose.
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When you reach out, does he arrange another date?
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Just because he doesn’t text your 24/7 does not mean he is not interested.
People can like someone I haven’t met them just once. the thing is what kind of impression you make on him and how he reacts to that impression.
Seeing each other for 4 months the way you described, is still possible, so don’t miscount the idea that he likes you if you also like him.
If you like him , you can try to increase the frequency at which you guys interact.
But if you don’t like him then let him know is not possible and just go on meeting other people.
You’re worth more than relationship crumbs. And this is all that this guy is giving you. If he really liked you, you would have known about it by now. Without any doubt. Go out there and get somebody that’s worth your effort.
A girl told me she likes me after 1 day…I want to « Question » her about it….but don’t want to be a dick. I don’t think him liking you based on seeing you only once a week is weird. Sounds like you need to change and not him. Don’t be so needy.