Dating : M[28] bad sex on the first time with a girl
Feeling so bad, I went out with a girl I like on the second date.. it escalated to sex , but took me a lot of time to have an erection. She asked if I’m not attracted enough to her or that I’m stressed… could this be a deal breaker ? Not sure what to do next… She didn’t reply to my text since yesterday…
It could be one for her. Do you know why it happened? Were you nervous, did you drink alcohol, not enough fluids during the day, were you generally a bit knackered? If you figure out why and tell her then maybe there’s a chance for things to continue. For some weird reason many women start questioning themselves or how you feel about them when this happens. Just ease her mind and see where it leads…
You never know what anyone’s « deal breaker » is but generally if you were able to give a woman an orgasm you still have a chance. On the other hand sexual frustration and disappointment *early on* in the dating process oftentimes is a « wrap » for a lot of people. Two dates isn’t a lot of time to care.
One of the reasons some folks suggest waiting to have sex is because they want the other person to be *emotionally invested* on some level. When people are somewhat *attached* to a person *they feel obligated* to at least put in some effort to try overcoming issues that arise.
Whereas if bad sex occurred on a first date it’s usually ends up being a one night stand.
In the future you might consider getting a prescription of Viagra for a backup plan in case you’re dealing with performance anxiety.
*** »Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is. »*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
There are a lot of reasons why you don’t get hard. Stress, Alcohol, being nervous,…
If that is a problem for her, move on. She is not ready for a serious relationship. For yourself, try to be relaxed about it – it is normal and can happen to everyone. It’s nothing to worry about
Sex with someone new is often anxiety-inducing for people. Honestly, if she blows you off because your first time was…off…then she’s clearly not the one. If they’ll blow you off for a bad one-off night of sex, then they’ll leave you high and dry when you’re diagnosed with a catastrophic, life-changing medical illness. Sometimes it’s a blessing that people show you their true colors early on.
What you CAN take from the experience moving forward is to understand what made you feel uncomfortable with performing. Was it pressure, stress, timing? Often having great sex comes from a place where you genuinely feel confident in your own skin (you know you’re hot and good in bed and don’t need someone else to affirm that for you). Chemistry can be a fickle beast.
Do you watch porn? That is the number one cause of ED. Even in young people. But yeah, most women want you to be able to get it up, and get off. Otherwise they don’t feel like you’re attracted to them.
Performance anxiety is normal. If that is enough to scare her off, it says a lot about her maturity and you deserve better.
Yes, it could be.
Maybe for her it could be a deal breaker
I assume any unanswered text for 12+ hours means things are over. Could’ve been for something else, don’t assume. I haven’t had any performance issues since getting older, but that did randomly happen in my 20s. Usually when I had lost interest. I guess the advice is move on. If you’re pretty invested, you could try one more text asking to talk about the sex
If you texted and she didn’t respond, then evidently yes it is, unfortunately. If you reallllly want you can send maybe one additional text if you want to be sure, but not actually necessary or almost ever helpful.
Interested people respond to texts.
It could definitely be a dealbreaker for her.
in my experience, women react really badly to this behavior. after i was 20, it just became really hard for my to climax from vaginal intercourse no matter how attractive the woman was. i would explain to them it was a general problem, not them, they did not believe it