Dating : How do I meet someone without Tinder?
It feels kinda sad that I have to ask this, but how do you actually meet someone irl? Tinder is crushing me very slowly, and the only reason I don’t delete it, is because I can’t find someone to date without it.
I’m massively into gaming to the point where it’s also my career, so I could easily get into a ldr, but I swore not to. And I just don’t get how I could find someone irl, with gaming as a similar interest.
Well first off do you know what type of women you want to meet/date? Based on your answer, ask yourself were would you meet these type of women. For example if you admire a woman who reads go to a bookstore, meetups are good places, festivals, professional events, conversations, cafe’s, grocery store.
Try Hinge! There is a better quality of person on there, and more of them are looking for relationships over hookups.
How about mixed gender taichi class?
Girl, find some conventions…whether gaming, anime, or comic. Dress up cute (cosply or not), go with friends and use them as your wing women.
Find out if these cons have shows that you can audition for. Doooo itt.
You are actually in a good position. And not only will you meet fan boys at these things but a lot of IT and other professionals.
Other than that, go to comic book stores, college campuses, that type of thing (I am assuming you are in your 20s).
Dress up cute, let your nerd flag fly, and good luck!
Know how you feel but there are plenty of gamer girls. I’m one of them. ☺️
First try multiple apps/sites. I use Tinder, OkCupid, POF, Bumble, and Hinge. Each one has their fair share of BS but also something good about them so try them all! Don’t spend money if you absolutely have to.
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Outside of that, If you’re in college try to build friendships with your classmates. Start conversation with people in public places. The bus, park, beach, or even just the sidewalk. Just pay attention and make sure they aren’t busy. If their having a conversation with a group they probably don’t want to be interrupted.
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But IMO getting a date with someone who is as into games as you are should not be your priority. It would be nice but I’d rather have a date with someone who has a great personality.
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If that’s what you really want though you could try the arcade or a convention. Try the meetup app to find events that match your interests. It’s not a dating app though so be respectful to it’s members.
I just posted something in r/relationships about this because I am also slowly dying inside over it. I always have such optimistic thoughts on online dating. I’ll be disappointed by a ghoster…then give it another chance, then another, then another… and finally I realize I’ve managed to mindlessly strip away my self confidence and become a less exciting version of myself because i’m now kinda dead inside from all the strange encounters (think married men, men who have long term partners, guys who are into abusive sex, all of that).
*yay*
The options to meet people outside the online world are sadly really limited because young people are weirded out by old school methods of meeting people. Im very outgoing and chat up people in coffee shops all the time, so I have a ‘leg up’ so to speak. I’m really sociable and easy to talk to but even with those traits, it feels like I don’t come across people who are single. At least people who I like as long term partners. Sleeping with someone isn’t hard, but finding that person who shares the same ideals and goals definitely is. What I learned is that being confident in my independance, like taking a cooking class on my own or going to populated places on my own was YES, very scary, but it did open myself up to the possibility of being approached by people, especially as a girl. I didn’t realize this actually happens, but it does.
Anyways i hope thats a little helpful. I’m feeling frustrated too so i hope you can feel a little better knowing its not just you who finds tinder depressing.
First off, is gaming, ACTUALLY your career? or do you just play a lot of video games? Or do you design games? ….Different things..
Join some kind of club/group. One thing to think about…what type of girl are you into. Do you want someone with similar interests? Maybe you’d have better luck at a local anime/video game club rather than an outdoor climbing group, you see what I mean?
I love video games, but music is my main passion. I try to go to concerts as often as I can and try to talk to people there. The best relationship I’ve had in my life, and also the only one that occurred outside the context of online dating, happened to me at a concert.
If this isn’t the million dollar question.
Try going to your local game store gaming tournaments, gamecons and comicons. When I was in college me and my buddies started an esports club because there wasn’t one. A year later a beautiful girl showed up. We ended out hanging out a lot and later dated for a while! No longer dating but still friends and the club still exists 10 years later!
If you’re looking for gamer guys your best bet is to go get involved in a more social nerdy hobby. Examples would be board game nights, magic the gathering game nights, dungeons and dragons etc. You can often join groups at your local game store/card shop/board game cafe and meet some really cool people in a fun, relaxed context. People are generally very accepting of new comers and there’s pretty much a 100% overlap between these hobbies and gaming. Conventions are another fantastic way to meet people into gaming, and you can often see people wearing their passion on their sleeve, literally.
If you want to stick to gaming, there’s various places that do smash bros and mario kart in person casual games and tournaments. These groups can be very hit or miss though, with varying levels of B.O./social proficiency.
The point is that the best way to meet people is to be around people. Make it about you and let your interest in the hobby be your primary drive, meeting potential partners will come naturally. It doesn’t have to be a gaming pursuit, consider volunteering or learning a new skill or even language. Something to get you out of the house. I personally had the most success pursuing salsa. I joined my university club and took lessons outside of school, through it I made some of the fondest memories I had throughout my undergrad, as well as getting to date women as excited about my passion as I was.
hobbies/gym+local park for working out/while running/walking around the town /chilling by the sea/coffee shops or bars/mall/ around your school or work place. Since you are a gaming type of a worker/person you can try different groups or those local PC gatherings, discord (even though it’s not irl but can help you maybe get some connections)
Use meetup.com!
A site for a ton of interests.
But don’t limit yourself to your one main hobby. You might find that there are some other things you like and didn’t know it.
Try volunteering as well – not simply because of dating, but it will help build some clarity.
Also, sometimes it’s not the lack of a spouse that is the main issue – but rather something a little deeper. I go to therapy and have found so much of my life change for the better in so many ways.
Go on an organized trip like Contiki. You’ll meet a ton of people and gain so much perspective.
I wonder the same thing. I don’t meet people when I go out (partly because I’m so shy and self conscious I think I appear unapproachable I’m working on it but it’s a struggle). Tinder is soul destroying on the worst days and bumbles not much better
Meetup has local gamer group gatherings.
My heart goes out to you so I’m going to be 100% honest… just walk up and say « hi, my name is _____, give me your phone number »… most men are not scary assholes… we are just people… don’t be scared… strong women are amazing…
Be friendly, talk to people without intending for it to go anywhere. And it’ll happen organically
Hey, I’m in a similar situation as you, I spend a lot of time on games and programming outside of my job. I also go to the gym regulargly but had no chance with meeting people there.
I have actually found an activity that helped me meeting a lot of people, and girls in particular : dance lessons.
Now this may sound ridiculous if, like me, you’re completely not into dancing, but actually it does wonders.
I’m currently learning bachata, which is a latin (and sensual, kind of) dance. Latin dance lessons are attended by quite a lot of girls, and usually boys and girls rotate during a lesson.
That means you have to dance with each girl, and inbetween the rotations you have some time to talk with them.
I tell you, after 2 or 3 lessons I’ve talked to way moooore women than after 3 years of going to the gym after the job.
In the case of bachatta, this isn’t a too much complicated dance so it’s still useful for you if you go to, say, dance parties (if you know dancing, chances are people will like to dance with you).
So I ‘d say if you’re willing to dedicate some time during your weeks to go out and meet people, you can have a look at dancing lessons !
Any app can help. Tinder isn’t the only one.
I find okc is superior to them all because you are given a lot of room to type and put interests and search for key words. Hinge, bumble, tinder, coffee meets bagel, they are ok but only allow you a small paragraph worth of space to write anything. I’m a gamer and I met the guy I’m dating (also gamer) via okc.
Why equip a bag that only gives you 4 slots when you can get a bag of holding.
There’s lots of options to meet gamer chicks. Here’s a few options ofc the top of my head:
Bookstore but in the magazine section. Casually see who’s picking up game zines. Rare though. Don’t stalk that section.
Research any game jams in your area.
Join the IGDA in your area. They host lots of meetups, seminars etc
Conventions. These are gold. Game conventions (like PAX East/West), comic conventions and sci fi/fantasy art conventions (like DragonCon for example) are excellent for meeting friends and potential lovers.
Just do some research and you’ll find tons.
What city do you live in?
Its not much better in real life but it is still better. Just make convo with anyone and start hobbies.
Gaming is plenty popular right now, go to tournaments or events for games you like, conventions. Get discord if you haven’t already- obviously that won’t help irl, but if you’re playing online you could always end up chatting with someone who is nearby, and go from there.
Why have you sworn no ldr? If you’re swearing that off along with Tinder/online dating in general, you’re making it a lot harder on yourself to find someone.
Coffee meets bagel is pretty dope
How much money do you make a year playing video games?
Twitchcon / Minecon / Comicon / Coscon…
Local comic stores and boardgame stores will host tournaments, lan cafe’s….
My brother met his wife in a minecraft group… She was from canada so she had to import to the US to live with us, but it works too.
lol.. Well, there are plenty of other dating sites. Tinder is really more for hotties, imo. It’s the closest to real world dating that you’ll find (in that it’s savage af and nearly everyone’s on there at some point or another).
You have a very… « niche » interest group. Not too many female gamers out there, though there are a few. Your problem has less to do with apps and more to do with an alternative lifestyle that not many girls are into. I think LDRs are the way to go – multiple ones – and eventually you meet. I have a couple of buddies that do this and it actually (somewhat) works out for them. One’s pulled a girl from Australia and another from Belgium – it always ends badly, but he got years of companionship out of doing it.
If you just want sex, you *could* « invest » in it. In a lot of ways it’s cheaper [than dating], and you get hotter girls that do what you say. Not saying it’s the healthiest solution, just that you’re probably not going to find someone local that wants to date you unless you’re also really fit, attractive, and have other activities… Discord servers might have girls you could talk to, but as far as getting laid? Even gamer girls get a lot of social experience, so you’re disadvantaged if this is all that you bring to the equation.
Took a quick browse of your post history to kinda put things into perspective. Online dating is about being persistent, whether you are male or female.. you went on your first date two weeks ago and are on the verge of defeat; you need to keep pushing on and be confident. I went through Tinder, OKC and Hinge over the span of several months. Had maybe 6 people that went past first/second date status, plenty of lets just be friends and tons of ghosting. It happens to everyone, don’t give up. I didn’t have much hope in online dating either and now I have a condo and I’m happily living with my girlfriend (connected over Hinge).
It’s never easy, love and relationships through online dating is a lottery and you really need to take advice from this subreddit with a grain of salt. Try not to tunnel too much into gaming as an interest and priority but rather how genuine the personality of your date is.
The good news is you’re a student, you have exposure in college to alot of potentials. As a 25 year old I can tell you your dating window becomes more narrow IRL as you transition out of school. Don’t bother with LDR from gaming, it is not worth the effort and the disappointment is insurmountable when you realize it’s even easier ghosting with distance.