Dating : How forward should I (18M) be when I ask someone out over messaging if we’ve only been introduced? I’ve never been in this situation.
Check second-to-last paragraph for most pertinent info and questions. I think everything else I wrote helps, but the bottom’s where the question is.
I (18M) recently attended a one-day session at a little camp/retreat in my county. There, I was briefly introduced to a really cute girl (17/18?F) and we had just around a minute’s worth of interaction. I would have taken the opportunity to give her my number had it arisen later that afternoon, but she’s a part of the staff and was closing down an event at that point when we met, and the only glance I caught of her afterward was when she was in the staff room with her coworkers.
About a month ago, I’d requested to follow her on Instagram, when I was going through and following multiple people whom I knew had attended this camp in the past. As of yesterday, she hadn’t taken any action whatsoever on the request. If I were to guess, I don’t think her number of posts has changed, so she just might not be active on IG. It’s my only way to try to contact her, though, and I’d like to see if she’s open to talking and getting to know each other better. (Is that how these things work? I’d genuinely like feedback on this aspect as well as what follows. Both my past relationships were friendships first. This would be the first instance of me asking someone out whom I hardly know, and it’s already less ideal because I’d prefer to do it in-person instead of Instagram DMs before she’s even accepted my request.)
When I do message her, how forward should I be? I’m gonna make a few assumptions:
1. She actually sees my message. Still not sure if she really checks IG or not.
2. She decides she is interested in getting to know me, most likely due to my devilishly good looks, unmatched wit, and irresistible smile.
And here’s what I’m looking for out of the relationship:
1. Someone that has wide availability – I’m in the blissful space of post-HS freedom and I don’t leave for college for another month, so I have plenty of days that are completely open. But since it’s only a month, I’d like to squeeze in as much time together as possible.
2. Someone who’s excited to see and learn new things. I’ve been doing a lot of day trips on the road this summer, and I’d love a partner to go with and whom I can get to know better at the same time.
3. An understanding that unless a deep, unpredictable love blossoms between us, the relationship won’t continue once I go to college, so hopefully we’re a pair of pals who are coincidentally attracted to each other and want to have as much fun together as is possible before I (and possibly her as well, don’t know her situation) leave for school.
Of course, if we don’t click in the beginning, then we don’t really have to worry about whether we’re on the same page about where the relationship is going.
So, in summary, how direct/coy should I be in my message? I don’t want to lose the opportunity because I, someone she knows nothing about except for his name(although I do have a pretty good name going for me) text her out of nowhere and say, « I only got to meet you yesterday, but if you’re open to it, I’d love to talk to you over lunch. » (She is Christian [this was a Christian camp] and so I don’t know how her family would view her meeting me – yes, we were introduced, but I’m basically a stranger and she is a teenager, after all.) That all might freak her out. But if I were to say, « Hey, not sure how close you live to me, but I wish we could have talked more yesterday. If you’re ever in [town where I live], here’s my number, and you can call me if you want to meet up, » then yes, the ball is mostly in her court and hopefully she’s more comfortable with the exchange, but it could also be the day I leave for school before she ever happens to drop in on my town.
So, Reddit, I’m a teenage guy who wants to make the right opening and I don’t have much experience. In fact, I’ve only ever asked out one girl before, which was in person, and both my two previous relationships started by them asking me out. I’m very green. How should I navigate this optimally?
