Dating : How is being « clingy » defined? Whats the difference between genuine interest and clinginess?
How much « wanting to hang out » is tolerable and where does « being clingy » start? Like, is it socially appropriate to want to hang out about every second/third day? Or is that already considered « clingy » our days?
One word: Opinion.
I’ve probably dated 60 woman in the past 2 years, and slept with maybe half of them. Most of my relationships in this time have been short-term–weeks for almost all, with one 7 month one in there.
In that time, I’ve noticed trends that are almost always constants: If a woman is very into you, she will do several things. She will message you all the time, doing a lot of reaching out on her own. It won’t take her long to reply to your messages even if she’s super busy. She will want to see you a lot, and will reach out trying to get you to see her. She will say nice things about you, send you pictures of herself often (if she’s attractive, this is almost ALWAYS the case). She will often send nudes once she’s comfortable, and if she’s a more reserved woman, they won’t be nude, but they will be photos of her pulling her bra strap and making some kind of sexual comment, or her with a piece of candy in her mouth asking if you can remove the wrapper with your tongue–stuff like that.
When she’s not that interested, or she’s the kind of woman not seriously looking for a serious relationship, or she doesn’t know what she wants, then you won’t get these behaviors. Or you may get them initially, but if you reciprocate, they will pull back almost immediately.
I had two woman for example come off very strong, only to pull back on me after I called each of them out on them pulling back. In both cases, they ended up breaking it off, which is good because I don’t want to be with someone like that. You NEVER want to be with a woman who acts like that. That means she can’t make up her mind what she wants. It’s a signifier that there’s a high probability that she’s fickle, irrational, or that she makes poor choices in life.
If men would do the following, all men would be so much better off, but there are so many weak, pathetic men out there so desperate for female attention that they’ll do virtually anything to win over female favor. But the following I’m referring to is to simply ditch woman who raise certain red flags. Seriously, don’t put up with it. The first second that a woman pulls back, just message her and tell her you’re looking for something heavy, where you’re both really into each other, want each other’s attention and time, and are looking to put everything into it. If she isn’t, don’t waste your time because you’re gonna get burned. It’s that simple. Don’t give in to what she wants. You have to get what you want first. She is always secondary to you. You are you, and you have to be paramount to everything else.
You can’t give, love, or devote anything until you come first.
I would say that’s clingy if you aren’t in an exclusive relationship. If you are trying to get to one, slow your roll a bit and work on getting comfortable taking a little distance and doing your own thing.
I think clinginess happens when two people are on different pages about the relationship. Also, make sure you’re not giving off the vibe that your entire world revolves around this one person- having other interests and social relationships.
If you’re casually dating, I don’t feel that one or two times a week is too much to hang out. If you’re texting, calling or interacting through social media a lot, then you’re not missing out as much if in-person interaction is infrequent. But if you’re being iced out and then called clingy, you should probably adjust your expectations of what that relationship will look like.
Doesn’t sound clingy just interested. If they were clingy you could tell when they hang out with you how close they are to you and how much affection they are giving. And clingy would be blowing up your phone and talking to you 24/7. Good luck
You have to read the room. Perception differs depending on the person receiving the attention. Notice their reactions and if they’re reciprocating your behaviour. If they’re not messaging you or asking to see you as much as you are to them – it might come across clingy. It really depends on the person. Some people like to have some form of communication (snap,text,dms,FaceTime,in person) daily and others are fine with it more sparse.
I am someone who likes to have some sort of communication once a day. When I feel like I might be annoying to someone I’m newly talking to I’ll reach out and say “let me know if my messaging is too much for you, I’m this way with my other friends so it’s hard to turn off” this way they know it’s not just them who you’re like this to and it gives them the option to say “yeah it’s a little much”
Some things I’ve found clingy:
-liking every single social media post of mine
-wanting to know where I am at all times
-texting incessantly (worries I’m ghosting even if I’m just busy)
-wants to do things only with me (would rather not go to an event than go without me, ie)
-wants to go with me to do whatever I’m doing
-obscenely excessive heart eyes and kissy faces over text
But some people like these things. I like a bit more trust, space, and independence in a relationship.
Edit: these are for “new relationships” or first date scenarios mostly
One person’s clingy is another person’s aloof.