Dating : How much time to reply do you give people these days? How patient are you until you move on?

Dating : How much time to reply do you give people these days? How patient are you until you move on?

In a time where people are constantly busy and occupied with all manner of things, how much time do you give people these days until you just move on?

I had a case recently of somebody who really only replied every 3-4 days, it was impossible to get a conversation flow going. They seemed nice enough but if they dont make time to get to know me, I think things are doomed from the start.

Read also  Dating : Don't give up part 3...

What do you think?

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  1. If they take more than a whole day of opportunity to look at their phone they’re just not that interested.. that’s how i look at it unless of course its a 1 off and they apologise

  2. Fuck that. I want and deserve someone that makes the effort to communicate with me as much as I’d like to communicate with them. I’ve put in so much leg work to get people to like and talk to me. At the end of the day, it’s draining. I’m deserving of reciprocating the love I put out. If a person isn’t willing to give you as much energy as you are giving them, find someone else to talk to that would give you what YOU want in a relationship. Don’t settle for someone that half asses you

  3. I’ve talked to some people who have jobs that don’t allow any phone activity whatsoever. So for 8+ hours, there’s no communication at all. On the bright side, they still message at night or late in the afternoon.

    IMO I’m the kind of person where (unless I am busy) I typically respond instantly.

    Good luck.

  4. depends. My last and first ever date was Constantly online and Posting stuff on insta (we were chatting there). At the start she was answering afert an hour to a few hours. definetly fine. When she suddenly took most of the day to 24hrs, i knew she lost interrest

  5. Everybody looks at their phone when they either wake up or go to sleep. Most people look at their phones more than those two times, if someone isnt replying at least on the same day, they aren’t interested.

  6. Not very. I kind if got set up with a guy I had lots of mutual friends with, and he seemed nice enough and we had been texting for a while. So I asked him out. Twice. Both times he’s been « too busy » or « needs to focus on school », yet he goes out to bars and stuff at least once a week.
    I decided to put way less effort in because at this point the ball is in his court. If he decides to pick it up and actually do something to show he’s interested, great.

    But then I went to a friend’s place for board game night and met a guy who asked for my number. I had no shame in giving it, going on a dare with him, and planning a second one. You get what you give.

  7. In my limited experience and from what « dating coaches » I watched said, not more than 36h.
    Personally, not more than a day. Even writing a word or sending an emoji, the fact they have thought for a second of you is what matters, if you are in a relationship.

    If it passes more than two days without rational *justification*, during casual dating or « just talking » phase, would say let it go.

    ^Wish ^I ^knew ^those ^before ^I ^got ^burned

  8. Just got out of my first relationship and after that I feel like I value myself and my time so much more. If you want to talk then let’s talk if you don’t then don’t. It’s that simple. I’m not going to waste my energy on people who don’t want to waste it on me.

  9. it might take three or four days or me to get started speaking with someone so I give first contact up to a week. But if I’m interested, I will pay attention to that person during the « dating app hour » in the evening.

    You’re right to assume things are doomed from the start if they only respond every three or four days. Tell them « thank you for your time and attention but I don’t see things going forward. I wish you the best of luck in your search ».

  10. I’ve seen someone who got her crush’s number but she didn’t want to come off clingy and texts her crush every 3 days.

    For me I get annoyed if someone takes a day to respond to a question. It feels like you stopped watching a show for a year and then come back to the place where you left off at in the show.

  11. 3-4 days???? I don’t care how busy your are, it literally takes a MAXIMUM of 5 minutes out of your day to reply to someone. Seems like they were playing silly games with you.

  12. The way I see it, even people who are super busy are generally on their phones throughout the day. It’s rare to meet someone who doesn’t check their phone semi-regularly during the day. By that logic, someone taking days or a week to respond to a message clearly isn’t that serious about dating or isn’t that serious about me.

  13. Depends, there can be really a lot of things behind that. I do the same thing sometimes (reply really slowly) because I am a bit addicted to my phone, and try to avoid social media all together, because whenever I use it, I get stuck there for at least a whole day. Still, I would be willing to put much more time in the form of personally meating, or phone calls so the fact that one replies slowly doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t care.
    That said, there might be different things behind that as well. He might be playing mind games, in which case you’d be better to avoid them alltogether. Or is simply busy and does is not commited enough yet to check wether you wrote him.

    All in all, it’s impossible to tell what it means from this alone. I think that if it bothers you, it’s best to talk about it in a peaceful way, like telling them something like:

    « I would really like to get to know you better, but I feel like our conversations aren’t really continous. I would be really happy, if we could chat a bit more frequently. »

    Or something like that. If they have a true reason why they do this, they will tell, or they will be more frequent after that, if they care. If they don’t then you should move on.
    But first tell them how you feel, because otherwise they might not even realize that this bothers you. And since you are already considering to move on, even if they don’t react well, it won’t be a problem that way either.

  14. If 3-4 days doesn’t sit well with you, then date those who can chat more frequently. Some people either apologise with a reason as to why they took a while to reply, or they just act like it’s nothing and keep doing it.

  15. Some people like to play a game and think that waiting a long period of time will make the other person want them even more. Personally, I hate this. Maybe it works for some people, but I like to talk often to the person I’m interested in. My ex, who I fell really hard for and frankly am still trying to get over, would text me throughout the day and she was frankly the best person in my life. After we separated and I of course took a lot of time to reflect and be alone, I met this girl who was really nice and I liked. The only problem was that she only texted about once every day. I just decided to ask her one day why she takes so long to respond and she said she doesn’t get on her phone much because “it keeps her living in the moment”. However there would be times where she wouldn’t respond for 3 days. While I was upset that she didn’t make any effort to text me, I eventually just moved on because if someone isn’t making the effort to talk to you and show that they want you then they ultimately aren’t as interested in you as you want them to be.

  16. This is solid rules for contacting…..

    Phone or text should only be for setting up dates…..

    rule number alpha… fuck all that texting stuff. call women period. it eliminates so many problems and take care of everything.

    1. if you call and she doesn’t answer – leave a polite message and never call her again.

    2. if you call and she does answer. have some small talk and ask her out… the longer you hesitate to do this, the weirder you’ll get about doing it, which will fuck you up even worse and set yourself up for the string along…

    3. if you ask her out and she says yes: work on timing logistics together. you, as a man, should figure out place and activity……

    4. if you ask her out and she says no: you either can settle as friends. or cease communication.

    5. if you ask her out and she says « maybe » or « ask me the day before » it some bs like that… don’t agree to it. kindly respond « just check your schedule when you know you’re available and wanna hang out. reach out to me » and you do nothing until she reaches out to you……

  17. I go through there quite a lot if the person really is interested they will take a few seconds of their time to say something quick and simple even if its a hi or a goodnight. 3 – 4 days seems a bit much imo. Keep playing in the field

  18. Texting isn’t a conversation and best used for logistics. If you’re trying to connect with someone, call them, make a date, meet in person.

  19. If I said something that warrants a response, I expect 1-2 days. If the conversation faded, I would say up to a week. Usually your gut tells you everything you need to know.

  20. Depending on one’s age and tech level and method (weird to think about these days)…


    I actually know lots of people who do not text well and who do not use social media. I find it completely strange but I was always tech comfy so I don’t have any problems with it.


    If it’s OLD, Bumble has a 24-hour limit… if someone is actively seeking dates, that should be fine. 1-2 days


    For IRL meeting then I would give up to a week, especially if they are social media weak.


    After a date, I have read that a quick thank you, etc is fine within 24 hours but then they should replay quickly after that.

  21. 24 hours before accepting it’s a ghost. I would accept it if they came back with a reasonable excuse a few days after that but not if that just seemed to be their normal texting frequency

  22. Had a girl I was talking to expect a response within the hour. For me its 16 hours because of her. If no response by then then I let the thread go and move on. If a potential expects sooner than 8 hours I move on. I have to work and sleep. Sure I might have seen the message sometimes but I can’t stop at work and bang out a response every 5 minutes.

  23. No response in 2 days and I’ll send a text to see if they are ok or to point out they have not been talkative. If they don’t respond after that for another day I just delete them.

  24. I give them till the next morning. I have a girl I’ve messaged four days ago she hasn’t replied but she is now 550km away from me so I take it she’s probably in Europe on holiday.

    If the girl is totally my type I will just message her and leave it you lose nothing by keeping a match.

    For instance, I was in a relationship and deleted my apps last year, this year when I logged back in I realised I didn’t delete the account but just the apps and when I logged back on I had messages from a few girls and I just replied and now we’re chatting.

  25. Talk to more than 1 person at a time unless you’re dating exclusively and then the wait won’t be as big of a deal. It’s a lot easier to notice who you don’t have good conversations with when you aren’t waiting around for their replies.

  26. There’s also just some platforms that are terrible with notifications. After a few messages, if I’m feeling comfortable with the person I will suggest moving to text if I could see myself going on a date with the person. Usually if they’re also into you they will agree. If it’s still an issue at that point probably just wasn’t meant to be.

  27. Usually if they don’t reply in a day I ghost them. If a girl/guy is super interested they will text back right away or every 5-15 min intervals to not seem too desperate.

  28. 24 hours. If you can’t bother to send a reply (something that takes less than a minute) in the period of an entire day, I’ll think you are just not that interested. And I’m not willing to push that cart uphill solo.

  29. I give 1 day before I unmatch.

    For super early stages. Is that hasty? Kinda
    But they had an entire 24 hours and they’re just not that interested.

    This is if we are talking already not if they haven’t seen the match already

  30. Usually after a day of no communication I will move on. If someone is interested you will know. That’s just what I’ve learned throughout the years though. Don’t let anyone tell you that they’re “too busy”. I’m busy, you’re busy, we’re all busy. Most of us still find time to text people back. It’s not that hard, even if it’s just a text to say, “Hey, I’m busy I’ll text you later.”

  31. I generally wait a few days before I decide that the person has lost interest in me and then proceed to just delete their number, text, etc. I work 12 hour shifts and my long weekends are 3 days long, so I completely understand that life can be busy.

    However, I assume they’ve lost interest if they don’t reply in less than 24 hours. But, everyone is busy, so I will wait around.

    Last person I was talking to would take weeks, if not months, to reply. Yeah, that was a bit of a stretch.

    Some say I am too patient, but everyone needs time and space.

  32. I recently went through something like this. She would only respond to like once or twice and if I was lucky 3 times. After that nada. Conversation was always one sided and one worded answers. I took the hint and stopped texting her. I see her at my job 2-3 times a week and she’s nice and all but I’m not sure what to do. I feel embarrassed to see her.

  33. I just want to share this. Well, I met a guy online, we started chatting last year. However, we’re in different locations even though we’re in the same country. It’s just that we chatted for months (almost every day of it), then he suddenly got busy bc he was studying. After a few months, he reached out to me again. Then I replied to him, he replied after several days and even weeks. And this cycle goes on. Instead of replying right away, I just do what he’s doing to me. Well, I really don’t care that much anymore bc I kinda have this gut feeling that he was not that interested. So yeah, time to move on after a year :((

  34. I’m usually a firm believer that if someone wants to talk to you, they will. So if there isn’t a reply, there’s your answer.

    However, I also understand it’s all situational, and only you can tell whether they seem into it. For example, there was a guy I was talking to that was clearly into me and we hit it off but he truly was just a bad texter (it’s rare but it happens).

    If you felt the person wasn’t putting in the effort that they could have, or you needed more from that person in terms of communication, I think you’re better off cutting your losses earlier. Communication is such a big requirement in relationships – ESPECIALLY in the beginning – and so if you need more, you either need to express that or call it a loss.

  35. I talk to a lot of people instead of focusing on one. It helps me figure out who wants to talk to me and makes sure I remember the other people in my life.

  36. There is no set whatever. I have girls I haven’t talked to in weeks I could message and receive a reply. Some I left on read, some they left me. If I ask a question and receive no reply, that’s the answer. It were just talking/swapping statements/chit-chatting, no big deal – one of us will reach out, or we won’t!

    It’s a big world out there. We have our own lives. The people I talk to regularly make an effort. I try to reciprocate if I want to as well. Besides, people wonder about you when you go missing; it’s kinda useful for building attraction if you made great first impressions.

  37. Unless you are my girlfriend AND it’s an emergency, don’t expect to hear from my during business hours. I have shit to do. When I’m working, my work gets 100% of my attention. When we are together, you get 100% of my attention.


    Regarding a person « making an effort to get to know you », that’s what DATES are for. Get to know each other in person.

  38. To be honest yeah I would move on if a guy took more than a day to text back. With my current boo, as we got to know each other he was more communicative and texted faster the more we hung out soooo if you want you can give that person a chance to like you enough to do that for you then you can wait. I just did positive reinforcement, said good morning on certain days and now he says good morning and hits me up more often. Plus I show him interest but I don’t cater to his bs. I make sure to address my standards but not like “I like this” or “I expect this”. I just thank him and reward him when he does something right like text me or treat me or anything I like in a relationship. It’s a slow ass process tho. Make sure you have a life other than the one you have together.

  39. When it comes to communication, it’s important to be transparent. Some people aren’t texters and would rather talk on the phone. If neither party is clear about that, you may go days without genuine communication. Also, depending on what stage you/they are at in life, the other party may have a packed schedule (for example if they’re a lawyer).

    If they don’t share the above information with you, then they don’t care. And if all of that has been disclosed/addressed and they still don’t respond, they’re not that into you.

  40. Tinder/Bumble match: ehhh I don’t really think about it. The conversation either starts or it doesn’t. If there’s 3-4 days between replies I might still meet them for a drink if they ask, but I’m assuming nothing’s going to happen.

    For a bf/gf: depends. If they’re at work, whenever. I’d be fine if they don’t reply until much much later. If I don’t hear from them after a day or two (excluding out of town trips/vacations/family reunions) I assume they’re a) on a bender b) cheating on me c) trying to ghost me or d) trying to get me to break up with them. If this happens usually I either break up with them over text or break up with them the next time we see each other.

  41. > In a time where people are constantly busy

    Oh thats a lie. People have their cellphones on them EVERYWHERE(who isnt browsing the internet while taking a dump these days?). 90% of the time its you simply arent important enough for them to reply to you right then and there.

    > somebody who really only replied every 3-4 days

    There not interested. Just move on. Dont waste time on people who invest so little into you.

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