Dating : How to date when you have problems with intimacy?
I have a problem with both emotional and physical intimacy.
It makes it impossible for me to date.
I have only ever had sex when I was blacked out drunk because I simply cannot stand it when sober. If someone tries to come on to me I get angry and distressed, and I ghost them.
In todays dating scene people expect relationships to form and «escalate» very quickly, with kissing and sex after only knowing each other for weeks (or less!). I litterally need years, and I dont know how to «get there» even if we took the time.
Anyone else struggle with this? What can I do?
Therapy. The feelings and behaviors you describe sound very uncomfortable and you can address them with a professional.
You don’t, simple as that.
Edit: It sounds like you’re asexual to the nth degree. To the point where you get physically distressed if you think it’s going to happen. An option is to try to find someone else who is like that, who wants a romantic relationship, but not a sexual one. These do exist, although they are harder to find.
Google ‘asexual’. If this sounds like you then I think you will need to find an asexual dating site.
If it doesn’t sound like you then the only answer is therapy. If you can’t afford it then maybe take a break from dating until you do. You will find some guys who are more patient than others but unless the guy is asexual he is not going to be happy in a sexless relationship forever
>>I have only ever had sex when I was blacked out drunk because I simply cannot stand it when sober.
>>If someone tries to come on to me I get angry and distressed, and I ghost them.
You are not ready to be dating anyone. You need to be talking to a therapist, not going on dates.
>>In todays dating scene people expect relationships to form and «escalate» very quickly, with kissing and sex after only knowing each other for weeks (or less!).
Yes, this is not an unrealistic expectation.
>>I litterally need years, and I dont know how to «get there» even if we took the time.
You are not ready to be dating anyone. You should stick to platonic friendships.
I don’t think you should date until you get these issues sorted.
Hence why I’m single and in therapy 😉
You just haven’t experienced great sex yet?