Dating : How to feel whole and complete being single?
Hi there people, hope you are enjoying the summer.
24 year old male here. The first time I had sex was when I was 18. This girl ended up being my girlfriend for 2 years, but after I broke up with her, I have never had a long term girlfriend.
I’m a very empathic and open person and growing up I’ve never had the self esteem I deserved. This made me a very “nice guy” and this did not help with girls. However, in the last year I have become a lot more masculine and started taking action. I have gone from barely interacting with any girls to having sex more often and putting myself out there.
However, it seems like the girls I am attracted to are not attracted to me and vice versa. Right now I feel lonely in my life because of this. I have a lot of good friends and a rich social life, but when I haven’t had a girlfriend for 3 years, it feels like something is wrong with me.
When im out at town having a great party with my friends, I feel so sad and empty the next day if I didn’t get laid or where close to getting laid. At the same time I know that having just a one night stand wouldn’t make me happy in the long run. The same goes when I don’t have any dates to look forward to. Its just this sad feeling. Since i´m going away to the country to work the next month, I know I wouldn’t meet any girls there and it makes me feel hollow.
I feel I have purpose and direction in my life and i´m fairly successful on what I do. But there is this nagging feeling always that I need to find love in my life before its too late and there is something wrong with me if i don´t.
I just wonder what your coping mechanism is when you have been single for a long time? How do you fully let go and feel whole and complete? Thanks for reading
You need to work on the self esteem. Getting your fulfillment from dates is not a good thing, as it’s really somewhat out of your control. Saying goes, you can’t be happy with someone until you are happy alone.
Take a break and figure stuff out, be happy all by yourself, realize what your worth is, and then when you are looking for a date, you will look for someone of value instead of just a hot date. In theory anyway.
I’m a single guy myself, longest relationship was 4 months. Never had sex and every now and again the thought of it hits me with a depression wave. The best thing I’ve found to help me deal with feeling lonely is to work on my friendships, get involved in hobbies, and just try and focus on my art work. Some of my veteran buddies go to the gym to work off their stress and negative emotions.
Sitting at home playing games almost has never left me feeling whole and complete, and neither has parties. It’s always the activities I do where me and my friends are actively interacting and working together towards a goal that I’ve enjoyed.
Here’s where the phrase « get a life » comes into play.
Dating should be an enhancement of an already great life.
Besides, you’re only 24; you’ve got more years ahead of you than you do behind. Keep growing and learning.
Search for what you don’t see that is missing within you. Why do you feel like you can’t be happy being alone? Falling in love is a great feeling indeed, but it should be a consequence of you living the best life you can live in this body, and moment. It should happen when you have had the opportunity to explore life and see what your full potential is. Not only is this what often attracts women (a man following his purpose) but allows you to properly focus your energy on what is important: leaving your mark on the world. This will hone you as a person and make it so, when that right person does come around, they will be meeting the you that your perceive being at his full potential.
Hope this helps mate!!!
Thank you!