Dating : How to keep myself from double texting/being annoying/smothering.
To start off, I’m almost 24, straight male.
I want to preface this by saying that I don’t necessarily have trouble in the dating world in terms of *attracting* women. I’m not saying this to humble-brag, but I don’t want the comments to be full of general dating advice, I really want advice, from men or women, on one particular element of the dating world today that I’ve struggled with.
I’m not sure if it’s self confidence, or something else, but when I see someone leave my on read, or if someone takes a long time to text back, it frustrates the Hell out of me. I’m a pretty busy guy, but I respond to texts and phone calls quickly. Now I certainly don’t expect constant back and forth texting, I’m not a teenager, but if you can’t send me more than a few replies throughout the day, then I don’t really feel that you care that much for me, especially if our schedules prevent us from seeing each other in person too often. I made a post on here previously about a specific girl, and this is not about her specifically, but just in general, I’ve struggled with this for years.
My friend says the best way to get someone to want you, is to not give them the pleasure of knowing for sure how you feel. IE, don’t constantly text, don’t constantly ask them out, don’t always text first. But as many men know I’m sure, this isn’t always easy, especially if you’re really into her/know you’ve got some competition. Whenever I see someone active online, or that my message has been opened, especially if I asked a question, it just sends me up the wall. I’ve sent more than my fair share of « you there? » or « you alright? » texts before, and I almost always kick myself afterwards. Not to mention I’ve been on the opposite of this before, where I’m the one who is getting bombarded, and I KNOW how annoying it can be, so why I still do it is beyond me. I’m not an obsessive guy, but I understand, especially online this can make me come across that way. Once I’m comfortable with someone, this urge often goes away.
I guess to summarize, my question is simply: How often, if I must double text, or ask something to follow up, should I message first? And after how many attempts should I cease trying? And if I’ve met this person face to face, and feel a connection, how should I confront them about the poor communication without sounding controlling?
Summarily, more for women, how often would/should a guy ask you out, try to make plans, text, etc, without sounding desperate or clingy? I notice that near the end of the week I tend to feel more desperate, and while I’ve worked on it, I still have moments of weakness where I may double text, etc.
Thanks in advance everyone! I look forward to your advice, and feel free to ask for clarity, I know that’s a lot.