Dating : How to take it slow without sacrificing intimacy? (25F)
For the first time, I’ve met someone I had instant chemistry with. It’s only been about a week, but we have gone on a couple walks together and FaceTimed a lot.
Our first “date” will be Wednesday evening at a bookstore. We also plan on going to breakfast when I’m back from my vacation next week.
We have pretty solid communication, he’s voiced he feels I like him more right now, and he wants to get there too. He’s worried if we are intimate too early on he won’t develop more serious feelings because of how his brain is wired. He said I’m different, he wants to introduce me to his mom. He has already shown his mom photos of me. He’s 28 and just said he wants to do things right this time around.
I kinda felt like this was him saying he’s not that interested. Then he called me and we talked for 2 hrs. He was worried I took it as a bad thing, which I did. Again, communication and clarity is valued.
We’ve talked about love languages. His are quality time and words of affirmation. Mine are quality time and acts of service. But physical touch is up there for both of us too. We both have really high sex drives and honestly I think it’s been hard for both of us. But we both had decided to wait.
How can we be intimate without it feeling like a hook up? How can I be supportive without him feeling like I “like him more”? (Side note: this came mostly because I was calling him babe, which I say to a lot of people but he didn’t know.)
I realized this is the first time I’ve genuinely “dated” someone. Every guy before this started with physical intimacy really early on. I do feel a connection, and more than anything— being with him feels special and I’ve never felt that way unless it was forced. It feels natural, and I don’t want to ruin it by having too fast of a timeline.
TL;DR. I’ve met someone I can see a future with. Which is weird and kinda scary. We fit really well and everything feels so organic. I’ve known him for a week but it feels like we’ve known each other forever. We both have high sex drives but have decided to wait. He wants his feelings to fully develop before he’s intimate with me. How can I be supportive of this without either of us losing interest?
Personally, I’ve found that if I don’t sleep with someone pretty quickly the attraction fizzles out. It isn’t me – I don’t mind the wait – but it seems like women feel rejected if I don’t want to have sex with them when they want to (which is usually on the first date). I really don’t like being treated like a sex object. Every time I decided to « wait », they decide they don’t like me. I don’t do anything different, I just don’t ****. It’s a serious catch-22.
If I like a girl, I’d rather wait. I think it’s respectful of myself and her. But every decent relationship I’ve had we both dived right in, feet first. It’s a very awkward predicament because the opposite of what I think I should do seems to always work. I feel like friggin George Costanza when it comes to women.
So idk.. I say sleep with him right away and let feelings come as they may. No pain, no gain right? I’m done trying to be « respectful »; I’ll just give it to them and let things happen as they may. I don’t like it, but I don’t like being rejected for not having sex even more. And these are perfectly good women – they seem decent, have good jobs, etc; but the second I say I don’t want to sleep with them or don’t like sex on the first date, it’s like there’s zero attraction left. So f it. Might as well get laid?
Crash and burn.. lol good luck