Dating : I am [25m], got unmatched by a girl who said I have to try harder to impress her before she goes on a date with me.
So I matched with this girl on tinder, the conversation started off easy. We laughed about some stuff and I found a way to smoothly redirect our conversation into the date some time later next week. Then I get this: « You’re gonna have to try way harder to impress me before I go out on a date with you ».
That threw me off tbh and I didn’t know what to say next. As a guy that respects himself, wtf do you even say to that? Lol
So I made a joke of how she puts people on the spot (now I feel like I shouldn’t have done that, but the situation asked for it tbh. I’d have more regrets if I didn’t say it), then I go on saying that I don’t see the point in trying to impress anyone over text, since that would make me put on a facade and make me someone I’m not. Then I apologized hoping she would not take it personally… She did take it personally afterall. Next thing I see is me getting unmatched lol no further conversation, nothing… Either my way or highway kind of situation I feel like.
« Entertain me, you peasant/clown »
I prefer getting to know people irl, since it works best for me anyways vs doing it online, unless it’s someone, who’s continents away… I feel like the only people I should really try and impress are the employers, unless I simply feel emotions towards that other person.
Maybe I’m wrong tho. But I did find it toxic.
So my questions are:
1) what the hell did I miss in the last decades that made girls like that, that the majority of them now think that guys should bend over and twist from the inside out before even meeting them, over text, in order for them to be approved for the potential chance to maybe get an improbable date?! Isn’t the whole point of a date is to try and get to know a person?
2) Am I the only one who thinks that technology hinders the ability to meet people IRL, something like two complete strangers starting up a random conversation that could lead to a date? Don’t get me wrong, I like technology, except when it comes down to dating.
I might be entirely wrong still…
Whenever a girl says this to me I just stop talking to them, if they think I have to impress them but they don’t have to impress me… I just imagine that’s gonna be the whole relationship. Me making all the effort all the time. Fuck that move on, plenty of girls on these sites fellas.
Literally did you a favor move on like the audacity girls have with shit like this.
She probably thought you were slightly below what she wants looks wise, so she’d only accept that if you became her servant. It’s totally toxic behaviour that you shouldn’t tolerate. Make fun of her for saying that and then take the unmatching with your dignity intact
Women act like this due to severe entitlement from all the options she has and all the guys who enable this pathetic behaviour. If more men had self respect and unmatched instead of saying « yes mam here’s a joke i spent 20 minutes rehearsing in the mirror for you » then this wouldn’t be happening.
1. You find all sorts online, they’re easy to avoid and I don’t come across these that often…the few times I do I happily leave it there. Met plenty of great attractive down to Earth women on apps so I’m not going to spend too long thinking about the ones that want me to jump through hooops, I’m thankful for the dodged billet. There are assholes in both sexes so don’t waste time on what you can’t control
2. Not me personally as I’m always out and have a number of events where it’s still easy to meet people, plus I’ll approach at social gatherings and never have any issues. If not interested I still get a decent conversation and respectfully go about my day.
Rule of thumb for OLD. Don’t entertain long conversations. A few back and forth messages (like 4-6), then ask her out.
She either matched thinking « I’ll go out with this guy » or thinking « I want free entertainment ». In either case, the number of messages/quality won’t really matter.
1. I think women get a lot more matches, therefore can be a lot more picky. If a guy isn’t entertaining, another guy will be. She’s going to meet the guy that she had most fun texting with. Then there’s also a bunch of women that prefer texting for awhile. They try to establish a connection prior to meeting. I definitely don’t agree with all that, but these women do exist. That being said, I don’t know what this particular girls problem was.
2. For me, as a woman, it made it actually a lot easier. I am like you, I prefer meeting in real life as quickly as possible. But the apps made it a lot easier to get in touch with people to meet as a addition to meeting people in real life.
Some other thoughts while reading your post:
– There are scenario’s where I could see myself asking a guy to come up with something better with a winky face emoji. If he wants to meet at his place or at the MacDonalds, for example. I assume this wasn’t the case.
– I’d probably turn the question of having to impress someone else around in Tyrionesque manner.
I used to think stuff like that mattered. Theyre clearly just looking for some sort of ego boost or perhaps have some kink like that? Idk but either way, thats gross behaviour to me, the “entertain me you peasant” mentality that I got sometimes with Tinder. If I was still using it, id have just said “lmao ew” and just left it, waiting for the confirmation that they saw it wether it be the angry reply or the unmatch.
You’re overthinking this, clearly she’s an oddball and has a wierd way of interacting with folks but if that helps her find someone on her wavelength leave her to it. Just move on and keep looking. Don’t get bogged down in those sorts of questions. With online stuff you’ve a lot more chances of striking out before you even get close to meeting them in person vs meeting someone in the world and hitting it off. Just don’t get too desperate (or come across as it) and you’ll do fine eventually.
She probably saw you as less attractive than her. I always assumed if I gave a less attractive guy the time of day, he’d have to put in more effort than if he was attractive.
It’s not that deep, move on because it’s not something you’ll encounter often even if people are thinking it
She did you a favor. If she has this attitude on Tinder, imagine how high maintenance she would be in person.
If a gal said that to me I’d just reply with, “What makes you think you’re worth the effort?”
>what the hell did I miss in the last decades that made girls like that, that the majority of them now think that guys should bend over and twist from the inside out before even meeting them, over text
because you’re on tinder and you’re one of like 50 dudes trying to match with her at any given time.
« Dance monkey, dance. »
That’s dating in 2021.
What it translates to is she didn’t find you attractive.
If a woman finds you attractive, aka. you’re in the to top 10% of men for who dating apps actually work, they make it easy for you to meet up.
The less attracted she is, the more hoops she sets up for you to jump.
You probably matched with a woman who was using Tinder as a free food delivery service, who had no intention of finding a partner. And when you didn’t suggest taking her to an expensive restaurant, she didn’t get what she wanted, so she unmatched.
She was just a time waster and attention seeker. Next time look out for the clues.
Dude, I think she was probably just kind of bored by your conversation and don’t want to waste time on a date unless she thought it was worth something. She’s not asking you to dance she just doesn’t feel a connection string enough to go on a date and wanted to give you a shot. in a kind of dickish way but still the problem probably isn’t just her here.
So one woman does this to you and now it’s a problem with all women? Did I get that right? Lol
She can take a flying leap. Next. Thank you.
online dating ruined dating for men
The whole point of OLD is matching with someone so you get to meet them in real life and see if you match on the ground and not just on an app. If you want to meet up it’s either a ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’ answer, anything else is white noise.
Probably you were just not compatible, I don’t know what else you could have done over a phone screen that can’t be done in real life. Maybe try meeting people in real life too, saves you the pressure of trying too hard to be ‘cool’, you can just be yourself.
I think it’s the online dating aspect less than it is the gender. And if it is gender specific then I’d say online dating just attracts more women like that than it does normal ones. I met my boyfriend on Tinder and I never really had a bad experience with anybody I met in person. It was a shitty way to act but to paint a group of people with the same brush isn’t necessarily fair.
You should have sent her a photo of something you’re proud of. If it wouldn’t impress her then you’d just have to say « then I have no more business with you. Goodbye. » Now that would her on the spot.
I wouldn’t pay any attention to such a stupid and arrogant comment! It 100% needs to be a joint effort, you’re not a jester!!
As long as you’re both making an effort to speak about things then that’s all that matters. What more would she realistically expect you to do?!
OLD makes it easier than ever to meet up. Don’t take these things too seriously or personally. She unmatched? Move onto the next one.
Idk if it’s a ‘girls on tinder’ problem per se. Look into scientific studies. While technology is not bad, there’s a whole division within companies to manipulate tech so that it becomes highly addictive. There’s a study comparing scanned brains of varying social media users. The study found heavy social media users had brain scans identical to those of cocaine etc users. You can probably google it, I think one of the UC schools conducted the study.
So when it comes to these weird girls/guys on tinder, it’s not you. They’re addicted, they need the quick « fix » and then move on to the next hit/swipe. Either way, I really feel bad for them because they fail to live life to the fullest and instead are slaves to machines in a make-believe world.
She did you a favor. She’ll hopefully get an education and some point in her life and learn that it’s unkind to treat people that she hasn’t even met as less than equals. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone on a dating app. I’d have probably stopped responding when she said that and unmatched her, but if I didn’t and I wanted to treat it as banter then I wouldn’t have apologized for any retort. You just saved some time and money from someone who showed you a scummy personality trait.
Should have been like: Here’s my number baby. 111-111-1111(your actual number), your move. And then proceed to unmatch her and see what happens.
Can I ask how long you were talking to her for when you asked her out?
Do you know for sure that she didn’t say it with a wink? Most girls won’t just meet up after a bit of convo. Maybe it was her weird way to say to talk a bit more first, or see if we have chemistry in humor.I never, ever respond to that kind of stuff seriously. I will just make it a joke. Send a gif of a acrobat or something, saying ‘impressed yet?’ idk. Stay calm, composed and attractive. Most girls just want to know there is banter before meeting.
Kinda feel you took this way to seriously and she got really turned off by your elaborate comment.
You’re not entitled to a relationship with that person.
You’re not entitled to have a relationship develop in the exact way *you* would like it to, regardless of how the other person feels about it.
People have standards – whether you agree with them, understand them, or find them logical or not. She didn’t see her standards being met. She wasn’t getting what she wanted or needed from you.