Dating : I don’t get being friends with someone who rejected you. Stop making people feel bad because they don’t want to be friends with you after getting rejected.
I noticed after rejection there is always the offer to be « friends ». I don’t get it… why be friends with someone who hurt your feelings because they rejected you. Being friends with someone you were or are still romantically interested in is torture. Keeping in touch and hanging out with someone you want romantically is torturing yourself. I get if you had a friendship with this before offering your romantic advances. Thing might be a little awkward for sometime but then it will get better because there was a friendship established before. You two can work it out and get back to being friends. But if it’s someone you didn’t have a friendship prior to offering romantic advances why continue to stay in contact with that person after they rejected you? They obviously aren’t into you romantically because they rejected you. You’re not on the same page so there is no need to be friends. Why offer a friendship? Is it because you think will cure the feeling of rejection that they have. No It doesn’t it makes it worse knowing that you still stay in contact with the person want but they don’t reciprocate the same feeling. And yes everyone had the right to reject your romantic advances but at the sametime do you have the right to reject their friendship offer? Stop making people feel bad for rejecting someone’s friendship after get their romantic advances and further more stop trying to reach out to them after rejecting them. Not everyone is cool with being your friend after getting rejected.
I get still being friendly to someone after it not working out but I completely agree in most situations I would probably not be their friend as in hanging out and doing things with them anymore. Personally if I am talking to someone and it’s clear we are progressing as more than just friends and they then decide to friend zone me, I would respect their decision but would be much more hesitant to do anything with them moving forward as just friends. Hard to go from physical contact such as making out with someone to just hanging with them as a friend.
Would be a whole different story if the entire time we were just friends who never got to the next base per se and then it was discussed that just being friends is all they want.
At least for the phrase « I hope we can be friends » is a nice follow up after rejecting someone. It’s better then « No you disgust me, I would never date you. Get out of my face », this one is just quite rude.
I think it depends on whether you were friends with the person before. It wasn’t hard for me to stay friends with a guy I liked for a while after he rejected me when I told him how I felt. I feel like too many people go into admitting their feelings with the expectation that they’ll get a “yes”. That’s obviously not realistic, and to me, I’d rather be friends with someone I liked rather than nothing at all. Those feelings do eventually fade and you won’t care anymore.
I’d just say « No thanks, I’m not interested. » and move on.
Just like they don’t owe you a relationship, you don’t owe them friendship. Anyone who gives me a hard time because I wish not to dwell in the « we’re just friends » territory can go kiss my boots.
My happiness is just as important as theirs. My happiness means not putting myself through the torture of being in the friendzone.
Recently went thru this with a girl I’ve worked with for 3yrs. We work really well together, and our supervisor puts us together because she believed we were a great team working with the kids as well as a relationship.
Well the feelings weren’t mutual. I’m still gonna be cordial and friendly but I need to separate myself. I guess the biggest thing is what are you getting from staying friends with this person. There has to be an adequate give/take relationship to continue being friends. If it’s you, doing everything to maintain the friendship then there’s no point
I don’t want to be friends with someone who I’m interested in romantically and who ended it with me.
But I disagree with a lot of the points saying they wouldn’t be friends with someone who went on a couple dates with them just because they “did something mean”. We all complain about ghosting, well, this person was adult enough to not do that so clearly they have some genuine qualities. Also, someone who can be honest with you even if it sucks seems like a good quality. And lastly, most people we meet aren’t going to be someone we marry.
You’re definitely right about….why remain friends with someone who hurt u by breaking up with u or something….I mean if they feel am not good enough for them to date anymore then why do they still wanna be friends?
I 100% agree with this- going through this now and made me realise alot .
My favorite quote by Sarah Dessen,
» Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that. It’s a lie. It’s just something that people say they’ll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, said ‘friendly’ relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it’s like breaking up all over again. But messier »
I personally think there isn’t much of a problem with that. The fact that you saw something in them gives you a reason to be friends with them. I’m still friends with some girls who rejected me or who I broke up with. It’s just pure friendship, no hidden feelings.
But I understand, not everyone feels comfortable with this.
I didn’t immediately become good friends with them, usually there’s about 2 months of not talking, but after some time and interaction, a real friendship grows.
Personally, if somebody has said to me, « let’s stay friends », I’ve agreed to it but kind of kept my distance and allowed them to dictate the friendship, the amount of contact. I would never ignore somebody if they message me but possibly wouldn’t go out of my way to message them first.
I’ve tended to find people say they want to stay friends but have done it to diffuse an awkward situation and deep down don’t want to stay in contact so inevitably it fizzles out.
I never stay friends with random people I date. I once had one guy tell me he wanted to stay friends and ‘didn’t want to lose me completely’. But we met purely for dating, so I declined. He did get a lil salty about that. But my friendships have an even higher standard, so no, after a few dates you’re not my friend lol.
It should be said that there’s a HUGE difference between being friends and and being friendly as in polite or cool and neutral.
its possible the person does want to be friends, it can happen… but I think that it’s one of two things normally
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they will still see you occasionally and they dont want it to be awkward.
or they think its a polite way of telling someone they arent interested.
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I used to not like this too, but its way better than being ghosted which is being more and more normal.
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so next time someone says this to you, dont give a rude response. I know you will be upset, but just be happy they didnt ghost you.
Consolation Price
That is actually wrong attitude. You expected way too much and probably got creepy. When you accept that rejection can happen then its pretty easy. Id have to have nearly no female friends if each time I crushed on someone i then dropped contact. You would be surprised how much you can move on when you got no expectations. Its a bit of sunken cost fallacy we all commit when young to chase above all else
Why they do it?
Simple: they have their feelings in mind, not yours.