Dating : I don’t wanna be the boss here!

Dating : I don’t wanna be the boss here!

I’m a youngster in my early 20s.

I’m going to graduate with a good degree in under 4 years, with a year of work experience in my field. I have eyebrow raising extracurriculars, and I’m totally comfortable talking to 200 people on a stage.

But I’m incredibly awkward with my peers. Even in primary school, I was aloof. I only managed to survive by growing a sense of humor. I was a late bloomer with girls, and I don’t have much experience under my belt. Flirting with me elicits all the thrill of a fern in terracotta. I don’t know when to go in for the kiss (so I ask like the dork I am).

The most attractive mates to me are the ones in my wheelhouse; girls that are successful, but need someone to confide in and relate to. I love the ladies who are self confident enough to raise a question in lecture, and sensitive enough to replay it in their head. Because I’m really the same way. My Facebook says, « it’s an honour to graduate with a BS with honors in 3.5 years! » but my anxious shoulder tension says I need a hug.

How do I communicate my need for a true ally and partner in crime when I’m looking for bae? The 2 girls I dated were ready for me to take charge. I wanted an equal. It was rough.


How do I find a mate who wants to wear the relationship pants along with me? I look like I know what I’m doing, but sometimes I don’t.

What do you think?


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  1. Hey man!

    Finding that perfect 10 is no walk in the park and will take a lot digging and a lot of dates. However, the best way to find her is through screening questions. Now, I don’t mean straight up screening questions likes she in an FBI interrogation but rather screening questions that demonstrate the values you’re looking for in a woman.

    For example, if your perfect 10 has to be caring & have a good heart, one of the screening questions you could ask her is, « Do you volunteer? » Or, « When’s the last time you volunteered? »

    Does that make sense?

    Of course, the whole key to this is: you have to know what you want.

    Hope that helped a bit!

    If you wanna talk about this more or have any other questions, feel free to message me.


  2. Well first, you sound like an excellent man to date. If I was a woman, you’re like an ideal man. You’re driven, hard working, intelligent, you speak about women respectfully as far as I can tell, and you look for women who you consider equals to yourself. I don’t know how you look, but even if you’re not what many people say is conventionally attractive, that’s all subjective. If you are what many consider to be conventionally attractive, then your work is honestly cut out for you. Worthwhile women, like anybody, are attracted to appearance, success, personality, compassion, and authenticity. A lack in one area can often be compensate by excelling in others. Bottom line, you’ve got a hell of a rap sheet, and unless you’re completely unhygienic or really out of shape, which given your drivenness and success I doubt is the case, women would be eager to date a man like you. Not even trying to gas you up, it’s just a fact. Find a girl who you think you’d click with, not someone who you think is « easy », « nonthreatening », or that you ONLY like for their looks, and just ask them out. And when you feel like kissing them is a good move, then do it. If they reject it, no problem, just move on. Doesn’t even mean they’re disinterested, they just may want to wait a little longer to kiss you. But yeah man, you’re not the average guy on the internet who has bad luck with women. You’re just, in a sexual sense, hitting your stride a little later. But guys like you bring a lot to the table for women, so don’t feel like you don’t measure up. Just stay away from airheads, and maybe even try dating women a little older than yourself considering you’re more mature than most people your age.

    Edit: also, an equal can imply reciprocity. As humans, you may be on even ground as far as lifestyle, values, personality, and physical chemistry is concerned. But good old fashioned instinct isn’t going out of style any time soon. The glaring majority of women no matter who they are look for men who are assertive, confident, « take the lead », and know what they want. They reciprocate this by providing a sort of tenderness and emotional comfort for men that the glaring majority of men look for in women. Women just naturally look for protectors more often than not, and they’re going to expect that of you. Doesn’t mean you have to be a tough macho person, but you’re definitely gonna need to make the first move most of the time and be firm with her about your feelings. That’s just how it goes.

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