Dating : I keep hearing « No romantic connection » as a reason for rejection
31M (single, never married, no kids), Last week I had a great date with a girl I met online, conversation was good, and there was a good, long kiss and a hug at the end, I was very excited about a what I thought could be a start of a relationship, but she later sent me a text about how she « didnt feel a romantic connection ».
I thought about it, and Iv’e heard this reason from girls several times before, and I wonder what I’m doing wrong, or what does it exactly mean, a girl once said to me that there was no « flair » and the date felt like a conversation with a good friend but not something romantic
Is it my looks? I think in average, my face isn’t bad, I am skinny though. (1.70m 62kg)?
Is it because we mostly talk about superficial things, some current events, and not deeper more intimate things? (I think I lack something in this department, I dont know how to steer the conversation towards these subjects, nor am I sure its a good subject for a first date)?
Is it something else I’m completely missing?
How/what differentiates a good talk vs a good romantic first date that you want another afterwards, especially when there is a kiss, or physical contact involved.
You’re boring.
Basically she’s saying « I’m willing to tolerate your presence, but your genetic line ends here. »
You can be a great guy who is clear on his romantic connections with the girl he his dating, but if she still has doubts about how attractive he his, she may end up leaving him.
You’re most likely looking for errors in the wrong place. You check your face, your weight, your height and other superficial things but this is most likely not about sexual attraction. Most women use « connection » as a codeword for comfort and rapport and « chemistry » as codeword for sexual attraction. Without having seen you interact with a woman my guess is that your conversations aren’t high quality. Perhaps too superficial topic-wise, perhaps you don’t show enough interest in her / talk too much about yourself, or you lead the conversation from one topic to the next without a good transition (and without diving deeply into a topic first). Perhaps you ask too many questions and make it boring like an interview. This is something general social skills and conversation techniques can fix.
I actually just went through this myself.. I’m a F29. The guy was attractive, kind, and generous. But I didn’t feel a connection and I think It was mainly due to the superficial conversations. I will speak for myself but I’m looking for something with a deeper connection than conversations like “do you like beer?” “Do you like being alone?” Just my opinion!
This probably has a lot to do with how you talk.
If all you’re doing is conveying information with your speak, then you’re going to bore women dry every time. You gotta be exciting with your sentences; you gotta make « hey how’s it going » _flirtacious_. You gotta make « hmm I really like that coffee too » _flirtacious_. You have to make the subtext the context. You need to have the right nonverbal cues, you need to feel sexy, you need to make her feel sexy. It’s not as simple as _just_ talking and it is hard to explain properly.
My advice is make more friends that are women and get them to appraise your appearance, too. Sometimes you just stink, bro.
Its simple;
Either you wherent as attractive in person as they thought you where or a more attractive person came available to them.
« connection » or « spark » are just codewords for sexual interest.
This might sound like a weird question initially, but in all these instances, did you guys kiss every time?