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Dating : I’m not really into sex… do I really have a shot at dating in today’s culture?

Dating : I’m not really into sex… do I really have a shot at dating in today’s culture?


I know it might be strange these days but I [M 22] am not really into the whole hookup culture. I’m not anti-sex or asexual but the thought of just hooking up has never been something I’ve been about. When on occasion I actually do meet a girl that I’m interested in and click with, it always seems that sex comes up way too quick and when I say I want to wait it seems to be a dealbreaker. Is waiting on sex something that is valued anymore in my age group? Should I just wait until my late 20s when people want to settle down? Maybe I’m just running in the wrong social circles but lately it’s been making wonder if dating is even worth pursuing anymore.

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What do you think?

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  1. Same here (27m), I just don’t bother anymore because all a relationship seems to mean today is hooking up with the same person repeatedly. If I wanted to hook up I’d feel better about just paying a hooker. I’ve watched friends try to build relationships with sex at the foundation and it always ends up in bitter drama. It sucks that almost nobody seems to live for building the future, only for satisfaction in the now. But they make perfect consumers.

  2. Yes, yes you do! As long as you make it clear that’s an important factor in your life (not into casual hookups), you’ll come across someone. It might be hard, because dating in general is weird (for me at least) but eventually you’ll weed out the ones who only want hookup and hopefully find someone with common interests and substance worth more than a hookup. Best of luck!

  3. Theres a huge difference between not being into casual sex and hookups and not being into sex.

    > it always seems that sex comes up way too quick and when I say I want to wait it seems to be a dealbreaker.

    How fast are we talking? How soon is too soon for you? Realistically at your age waiting more than 2-3 weeks for sex is probably gonna turn off most women.

  4. If the deal breaker is that you don’t want to wait to have sex they didn’t want to date you, they wanted to fuck you and then maybe date you if you preformed well.
    Waiting is great if you want an actual relationship. Sadly sex is way to centred in today’s dating scene, and you may struggle for a while but eventually you’ll find someone.
    Good luck.

  5. Wow I gotta be honest reading your post actually made me feel better! I’m an asexual female, the question in you title comes to mind daily.

    A little relieved to see others, especially guys, that don’t prioritise sex in a partner. Thanks, op!

  6. Not much of a shot. Most people today implicitly believe in Hefnerism, the idea that sex is the ultimate experience in life and no life is complete without lots of sex.

    In today’s culture there are only a tiny percentage of people who are like you. In the past it was much easier for the likes of you, since society constrained sex to a great degree in dating and courtship.

    Your best bet would be to circulate in more traditional or conservative circles where people still believe in the way of life before the sexual revolution.

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