Dating : I’m of two minds
Hello reddit,
I (27M) have been on a few dates with (28F) and everything seemed to be going smooth. The texting conversations had substance and there seemed to be a genuine interest in one another. We slept together after third time seeing each other as well.
Now, she’s a pretty busy woman and always seems to be up to something, so the texting was delayed but there was always something to chat about.
Last time I saw her was popping into her work to say hello, things seemed to flow really well. She showed me around her shop and our conversation felt effortless.
Throughout the week after that the texting dropped to a minimum and a night she said she would try and swing by to visit, she didn’t. This past weekend I asked her in the morning if she’d like to get out and about on Sunday. I didnt get a reply until after 5pm saying she’s been tied up all weekend. Very brief. She text me yesterday saying something along the lines of « I hope your week has been off to a good start ». Yet something *feels* off.
I try and tell myself that I don’t need to be the one to initiate all the time and that if someone wants to be around you, it will just happen.. I can’t tell if I’m reading too much into this or if she’s distancing herself.
So, do I ask her if she’s needing space/if I’ve done something to upset her? Or just let life do its thing?
Thinking of asking her out Wednesday to celebrate some Uni marks I got back recently, but unsure of the vibe.
ask her, nothing better than being direct and solve the problem
I’ve been in the same situation with a guy here. Supposed to maybe have lunch today, I’m thinking about directly asking these questions.
Good luck dude
I think she’s just really busy. The fact that she still tries her best to message you means that she cares. Maybe you could just be supportive by asking if she wanted something to eat. Basing this from my past relationship, my ex would text me if I wanted to something to eat while working or ask if he could help out somehow. We even fought about my busy schedule and it didn’t really help me since I had so much to do that I broke down but we sorted that out. One time he even brought me to a spa for a date when I had free time so I could unwind. So yeah, maybe just be supportive? It sucks that she doesn’t have time for you right now but I’m sure she would make time for you if she could.
I think my answer is a mix from both of the above. Let her a bit of space and give her the benefit of the doubt , so keep busy with stuff that makes you happy. BUT don’t be the one that always investigate and if she’s declines/don’t offer you to meet in the next days, then call her and ask her what’s up.. Not in a needy way but just to clear the things up.
I mean, people can be busy, but I think, even more at the beginning of a relationship, that it’s not good to feel like you’re annoying the other one. Maybe s/he’s not that into you, maybe s/he just have different texting habits, but it’s good to be clear and then see if you’re OK with it.
Good luck!!!
I think that you have made yourself clear – that you want to hang out with her/be with her.
she sounds pretty busy, and possibly flaky – if she wanted to see you, she would make time. So, if you want to throw one more pitch, go for it, but accept her action (or inaction) as your final answer, « hey I’m still down to do x,y,z, I’m free all weekend so let me know if you wanted to go out » and then let her put some effort in