Dating : I’m so tired of everything(24m)
I feel like everything is over, I’m so fucking dead and lonely inside after trying the advice I get from here, I’m terrified of dying alone and all I do is work, eat, and sleep. It’s always the same, « go to the gym », « get therapy », « it’ll just happen », « do meetups ». I’ve done all those things, I still do, and nothing. No payoff, no « confidence increase », no compliments, no….nothing. I have a good job, I don’t think I’m that ugly, I don’t spout off into misogynistic beliefs like a *certain* community here does, but I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’ve lost 45 pounds, gone to therapy several times and spent thousands of dollars in co-pay bills and prescriptions, I’ve forced myself to go out, to socialize. Bars, clubs, meetup groups you name it. I have zero, no results. I’ve been told I’m ugly to my face, made fun of, told that « they date men, not weird creatures », etc. I don’t walk up to women and do weird shit, I usually smile at them or make small talk. I don’t even get the « normal » rejections, I always get some insult.
Does anyone else feel this way, or know what to do at this point? I’m starting to envy other’s success. I just want to be happy, to have a normal young life, and for some reason I’m not good enough to be happy. I’m not one who can be happy with being by myself, I desire socialization too much. Sorry for my rant, but I needed it off my chest, I’m sure not many will like it, some may even insult me here, but I need to get it out somewhere.
Confidence: No confidence increase after losing 45 lbs and going to the gym for a while? Sounds super weird. Don’t you notice how much sexier you look in the mirror?
Getting called ugly: Relax, even gorgeous girls get called ugly. It’s what happens when you put yourself out there. Could be negging, could be jealousy, could be putting you down to feel better about themselves, they could just be in a bad mood, they could be accidentally going overboard, etc. A million possibilities.
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Sounds like you’ve done all the stuff people typically recommend on this sub. Here’s some less typical advice:
Reading this post of yours, you come off really desperate. If you’re like that in person too, it would be an easy explanation. Desperation is one of the biggest turnoffs ever.
It sounds like your self-image is really low. What don’t you like about yourself? Think about it. Then fix it. The gym advice works for most people because most people don’t like their body; if you’ve got other stuff about yourself you don’t like, you should work on that too/instead. Change yourself until *you* would date you. That should make you less desperate *and* make others want to date you more.
In my experience, you can fix all your problems with self reflection. Just think about yourself. Think about what’s stopping you. Set aside some time evey day just to think about it. Getting Reddit advice is way faster, sure, but our advice is never gonna fit you perfectly. Only you can come up with what’s best for you.
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Yikes
You’re clearly trying to work on yourself mentally through therapy, keep it up, it helps but it’s not magic solution. Seems like you lack some confidence, the hardest thing that is forever going to be a daily struggle, is confidence and self love –and I don’t mean the kind of self love you do in private in front of your computer.
I don’t see you listing any personal qualities on here, cause while a « good job », and « I don’t think I’m ugly » is alright it’s kinda a low bar and you sound like someone settling for less in life. Personality can make or break a connection, what are your strengths in personality, being confident (not arrogant) is attractive.
Maybe one-on-one dates aren’t working out and you need to take a break cause a lot of us get exhausted and burnt out with the current dating culture and often it feels like trying to force things to happen. It’ll happen but not when clearly something isn’t working. If you go to meetups or events don’t go just to try and get dates, go to socialize and make friends. If you have plenty of friends already drag some along, friends can bring out our best qualities in a public setting.
These women sound awful and seem to be taking advantage of you, whether its financially or emotionally.
I’m hoping you’ve brought this all up to your therapist and they can help you some. Don’t be afraid to switch therapists, the first choice isn’t always a perfect fit.
>I’m not one who can be happy by myself
This right here is your issue.
People can talk about desperation, and it may be true, but what fuels that?
Answer: you’re placing your happiness in someone else’s hands. You’re desperate to be happy and have a « normal young life », which creates that air of desperation, if it does exist.
If you can’t be happy by yourself, you cant expect someone else to make you feel happy. People, especially women, can catch on to that kind of thing.
Losing weight, seeing a therapist, etc are all good steps in determining *why you’re unhappy*.
In going to the gym, you build confidence, which is supposed to give you room to objectively look at how you lived your life previously and think « huh… I really was unhappy with my weight, and now that that’s gone, I feel a bit better ».
Going to a therapist is supposed to give you an objective look at who you really are and what you really feel. By reflecting on these things, you grow as a person, and discover those things that make you unhappy with yourself.
My advice: try dating yourself for a bit. Do the things you want to do and the things that make you feel happy. Re evaluate from there.
If you continue like this it could wreak major havoc on your mental health.
It would be best if you stop relying on women for your happiness, once you are truly ok with being alone you live would become immensely better with or without a woman.
Wow, look at you…
What person wants a needy, desperate partner like you? Maybe get some goals in life?
Join the blackpill man. It’s obvious your missing something. It could be height or face or weight but that can be fixed.