Dating : I’m tired of feeling bad for feeling bad about being single
Let me engrave this into everyone’s brains including my own real quick: It’s perfectly NORMAL and should be ACCEPTABLE to feel loneliness and want companionship with a partner.
I’m turning 30 in a few weeks and have never had a girlfriend; no, not that there is anything wrong with me, because for all intense and purposes I am currently the best version of myself I have ever been. I’m single and never had a girlfriend before because the right person just hasn’t come along yet and that’s okay.
What really bugs me is when I see constant advice on Reddit along the lines of “work on yourself first”, “enjoy being single”, “If you can’t be happy on your own then you can’t expect someone else to make you happy.” “Maybe you should try therapy” etc etc etc
The problem with those statements is that they always imply that person is doing something wrong or there is something inherently wrong with them…this is a silly assumption.
I personally work a good full-time job, hit the gym 5 days a week, live alone in my own place, have a very supportive family and small friend group and even enjoy a numerous number of activities like hiking, amateur modeling, gaming, yoga and photography. I am in a great spot.
Where I do struggle is dealing with the feeling of loneliness. Everywhere you go there is a constant reminder of how shitty being single is. Just this weekend I went hiking on my own to a beautiful location and all I saw the whole time were couples holding hands and enjoying the beautiful Saturday together; I was envious of them.
I want to know what it’s like to have a date night, cuddle up on a Sunday evening watching a movie, celebrate Valentine’s Day, cook a meal together, have silly arguments, not be a fifth wheel when I get invited out and my friends bring their wives and most of all fall in love and be a dad. Some of the best moments in life come from being in a relationship. Some things you just can’t do alone and certainly not enjoy to their full potential; especially the being a dad part.
Those are normal desires and it’s hard to cope, especially as you get older. Please stop making fun of those who are experiencing normal emotions.
Just because I’m single, love myself, and my life, doesn’t mean I am not lonely, and wouldn’t prefer to have someone to love. I’m not sure who is making fun of you, but those people suck.
For reference, I am 45, only ever had a couple of 2-3 month relationships before 30. I have been single for 5 years again. Worse, I moved states with my ex because I loved her, then she left me, and now I am stuck in another state with no friends or family.
Being lonely with no one to love sucks. Yes, worse things happen to many people every day, but it doesn’t make my pain less valid, and thankfully, no one has given me any grief for any despair I show.
I’ve been single for years at a time and loved every second of it. I’ve also been in relationships for years at a time and felt fulfilled.
But to be truly happy, you need to find that within yourself first. Another person will never define your happiness or “complete you”.
They can only enhance those feelings you have within yourself.
How I found happiness being alone? Filled my life with the hobbies and activities I enjoy. Spent time on projects that were rewarding (working on my car, writing a screenplay, etc). Worked in a career centered in my purpose (being creative).
And when single, I dated quite a bit. But there were also stretches when it was just me. And being completely alone.
And I love being alone.
I can be the life of the party in a social setting, but also enjoy spending time to myself.
I wasn’t always this way. But I’ve grown to love and accept myself. And that’s the secret to happiness.
I’ll go on a date with you lol
But in all honesty, do you feel like you’re being too picky? What happens when you try and approach women?
Don’t know if this helps you but none of the statements you quoted as advice for single people in my view implies there’s something strong with single people. In fact often it’s the opposite. Single people should feel proud of themselves that they’re able to stand on their own. The world is full of people who are with a partner simply because they can’t be alone, they can’t stand on their own. That creates dependence on others, which will always fail. If you do read things that you think imply somethings wrong with you just say F them. They’re probably jealous because they have no time to do anything anymore haha
I see what you are saying but the quotes and even the point you are trying to make is just an approach to certain conditions. I guess being strong is better than nothing. Still, it doesn’t solve the source of the situation.