Dating : In a loop

Dating : In a loop

I (F22) keep on repeatedly coming across or dating this same kind of guy that in the end wants only sth casual and doesn’t want to commit or have a relationship.

Maybe it’s my fault or idk what it is. Basically I never talked or interacted much with guys till I was 20. I’ve had enough of it and I wished I could have a boyfriend and be in a relationship. So I decided to put myself out there.

I’m kinda introverted and quiet girl but I tried to become more outgoing and interactive and it did work since guys started paying attention to me.

Since I didn’t have any kind of previous experience with men, I was kinda naive in my thinking.

Not knowing why I always attract the same kind of male. You could describe them as a realistic “Mr Grays”. Yeah from the books/movies.

They’re dominant, like rough sex, can choose and pick in multiple women and the females will gladly fall into their arms, they’re handsome and so on but they don’t want anything more than fwb relationship.

As I said I was inexperienced and naive… maybe I still am since I keep falling in the same trap.

So I met a few guys till one managed to push the right buttons, crack the code and seduce me. He took my virginity and we’d meet from time to time… as you guessed for sex and spending some time together.

After some time passed I started noticing he’s been keeping his distance more. He wouldn’t text with me as often as he used to, he’d only invite me for sex, etc.

It was because as an experienced guy he started noticing I started falling for him.

So the last time we met (I didn’t know it’d be the last time at that point), we were cuddling and relaxing and I had my head on his shoulder and was looking at his face’s every feature and he’s eyes were closed. He looked so peaceful and I was smiling, happy I met him and that maybe there might be sth more between us.

I seriously didn’t know that this type of a man doesn’t do relationships… it’s just about sex.

So he probably felt me looking at him and he opened his eyes. He looked me in the eyes for a few seconds and said “please… don’t look at me this way”.

I was like “what do you mean..?” And he replied with a serious statement “listen I’m not a guy you deserve.. someone like you deserve someone better, that’ll actually take you seriously.. idk if you’ve noticed but I’ve been keeping you at a distance because there can’t be anything more than that between us..”

I looked at him and actually deep down in my heart I knew that was the case all this time and I was just wishfully thinking I found a guy I could spend my life with. I just replied after looking into his eyes “I know” and buried my face in his shoulder.

We laid this way for a few more minutes till my phone rung and I sat up to pick it. It was my mom asking me to get home cuz she had some business with me.

I turned to him and smiled saying “I gotta go”.. He noticed my smile was kinda forced and there was a tear running down my cheek but he didn’t say anything.

I got up immediately, packed my things and left after saying “goodbye”.

That night I didn’t sleep at all… I only silently cried. It was actually the first guy that I had feelings for as previously before I “put myself out there”, no man was ever interested enough to ask me out.

I was kinda numb for the next few days and then I just let it go.

A few weeks later that guy texted me again being “sorry” he didn’t text me earlier and after we chatted about random stuff for a bit, he said that he wishes to meet with me and enjoy each other’s company.

I wrote him all I had stored in my mind and heart. It was a long message and at the end I tanked him for all the good time we’ve had and refused to meet for only sex again. I also added that I have no hard feelings nor do I think he used me and so on.

That was the last time we talked. Neither him nor I texted again. Probably that was for the best.

I came across another guy and he was same – sex is all that will be between us. So I left immediately after knowing that and turns out he ghosted me at the same time. I didn’t develop any feelings for him so it didn’t really influence me especially since we didn’t know each other for long,

Not too long ago I’ve met another guy. And I knew he was attracted to me as much as I to him. Today I got to know he’s also the same type of guy my first is. And all he wants from me is sex.

Truth to be said I’m kinda tired of this whole thing. At this point I can feel it in my bones that I’ll never be in a real relationship nor will I ever get married. I’m just incapable of finding the right kind of guy.

I feel like not having a boyfriend during school years made “disabled” in a sense… I know it’s a strong word but idk how to describe it.

Before the third guy I’ve just described, I met a truly good guy and he didn’t pressure me with any sexual stuff or anything. He was really carrying and understanding to me.

We even started planning future together… But… after some time sth changed. And after I asked him “is sth wrong..?”, he admitted that before he met me, he had his future all planned out and he was actually planning on staying a bachelor till the end of his days.

After I heard it I was already heartbroken because I truly felt we had a connection and all.

He added that he can’t come up with how he could incorporate me in his dreams. And whatever to come, he’ll be there as my friend. Yeah I guess I understood what the meaning of being friendzoned really is..

And don’t get me wrong. It’s actually him that started giving me hopes and speaking about relationship and future together. I could imagine myself being with him so I thought “why not give it a shot..?”

But I really did grow in affection for that guy despite us not being together nor even kissing yet. He was really respectful and préfères to move slowly, which I actually appreciated.

So hearing him saying all there would probably be between us is friendship hurt enough to shatter my heart.

All I did was put a smile on my face and say “I understand. Don’t worry, I’ll support whatever decision you’ve taken. Your dreams are really important and you should focus on those”.

He added “you know… if only I met you 3-4 years ago, we’d actually be together and you’d be part of my future”.

That night I cried again.

By now I just gave up and have no hopes. I probably keep meeting the third guy I described just because. After I’ll notice I’m starting to have feelings what will happen, I’ll leave again. After all, for those guys such feelings are only a nuisance, an unnecessary burden that they don’t want.

Of course not all man are like that. The fourth guy is the prime example. But I’m just tired of it all. Why is modern society like so…

I just needed to rant. Don’t mind it too much…