Dating : Is being open to casual sex and casual relationships a prereq for a relationship?

Dating : Is being open to casual sex and casual relationships a prereq for a relationship?

I (24,f) just realized I absolutely hate the idea of casual sex. it doesn’t feel pleasurable to me, and a big part of why this is is because I won’t allow myself to enjoy it. It just feels off. I date sometimes when I have time and energy to and I’ve noticed I always hate when kissing and making out starts in the « getting to know each other » process because I usually don’t know if they like me too casually or if they wish to look into me more and build something stronger if that makes sense. I have a really really hard time seeing sex as just « something fun people who like each other can enjoy ». I grew up in a society heavily influenced by judeo-christo teachings that tend to view sex as something that dirties women unless it’s done « to » her by a man who « values and cherishes her » and doesn’t see her « an easy whore ».Even after moving to US I’ve noticed the culture still sees sex that way, the message is just subtler. I’m an atheist these days and I obviously know how misogynistic and ill-informed a lot of religious teachings are, but I still struggle with letting go of those teachings. It’s like they are ingrained in me. When I’m just dating someone and we’re still casual I feel the worst sexually. Even during sex my mind will just be focused on whether I should be there doing it. Ill be distracted, or dry, not turned on, or just waiting for it to be over. Afterwards I’ll feel dirty sometimes. I feel like this is a big reason why I can’t get into a healthy relationship. The energy gets awkward after sex and I’ll expect too much from the person to the point where I scare them away or I’ll just feel shame and slowly distance myself. Do relationships begin casually and from casual sex and then move more into stabler committed ones? Or do committed relationships just start that way with the commitment tone already set? Does anyone else struggle with seeing sex in a healthier way besides childhood teachings? Navigating dating makes me feel « used » a lot as a woman. I also don’t like the idea or « waiting ». I want to make sense of this and I wish i could feel less alone about it.

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What do you think?

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  1. It is not a prerequisite.

    If a man loves you he will love you, if he doesnt he doesnt.


    Sex can wait or happen.

    You do whatever is comfortable for you.

  2. Nope. Stop doing things that make you feel bad! Committed relationships start with an interest in one another and a desire to make the other person feel good. What that means is up to the two people involved. I know I don’t want casual sex so I don’t have it. My pool is then limited to people who are also interested in what I am.

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