Dating : Is ghosting ever ok?
I went on a couple dates with this guy and on the first he picked me up so he knows my address. I don’t feel the vibe with him but he really likes me. He’s been really pushy for me to go out with him again to the point I went on a third date basically like against my will (I have no backbone..) . I’ve tried gently saying things like ‘I’m busy atm’ ‘I don’t have time in my life for dating actually’, and ignoring his msgs but he keeps msging and wanting to see me again.
Problem is I get the sense he’s a very easily offended and defensive person and if I say smth like ‘the vibe wasn’t right for me’ he will immediately demand to know exactly why and for me to explain it all out painstakingly, will be all offended etc etc. I have social anxiety so that all makes me *extremely* anxious. I’m also anxious he knows my address. One time earlier on when I’d cancelled on our date last minute as I was too socially anxious (I told him that) I almost thought he was going to turn up at my door, and so I went out in fear (social anxiety fear). idk if he would have
I’m just slowly ignoring his texts now and hoping he’ll just disappear but he really doesn’t seem to be getting the hint 😫
You gotta grow a back bone. It’s sucks heavy he knows where you live. Hit him with the “I don’t think this is going to work between us.” He may ask why but at that point you’ve already made it clear you don’t want to take it farther. No explanation is really necessary. If you’re straight up he will get the hint.
I would say something like this:
« I think you have a lot of great qualities but I don’t think that we are a good match. I can’t explain it but I think that it’s best we go our separate ways. I wish you nothing but happiness. »
**And then I would block him.** this is the most important step. Especially because you said you don’t have a good backbone. There’s no reason to even read or entertain any of his responses. You don’t owe him any more than that. Send a message and block him. If he continues to harass you, and especially if he comes to your house, call the police.
Please don’t beat around the bush when it comes to saying No Thanks.
Tell him this
« Hey [guy], I don’t want to lead you on. I’m not into you, but I hope you find your girl one day! Deleting your # now. »
If you feel this way, block and go on. We men always know why we’re ghosted, and people that don’t get the hint aren’t prone to take rejection well.
I have to agree with the countless other people, ghosting is childish and a horrible way to conduct yourself. I understand having anxiety, but you need to find it in yourself to speak your peace. If you find yourself unable to give people clarity, maybe steer clear of dating until you’re able to.
Don’t give your address out to people you haven’t met yet. Always meet publicly.
Just text him that you’re not ready for a relationship or that you guys aren’t a good match. Leave it at that. Don’t respond beyond necessary. Don’t let him argue with you.
And practice getting a backbone. No one can force you on a third date.
I hope you learned your lesson to never give address out. Always meet them until you are sure there is a future with them . But you know that now. Send one more message saying “I am sorry but things will not work out for us. I have decided to date someone else. I enjoyed meeting you and wish you the best in finding someone who is a better fit for you. Because I respect my new relationship, I am blocking all numbers from other guys and I’m requesting that you do not contact me anymore, including not coming to my home.” Then block his number and if he shows up at your house call police and do not answer the door.
Unfortunately you are correct that there are many men out there that do not accept a rejection well. They can become very scary and stalky. In the future, try to keep all of your information as private as possible until you are sure you can trust this person. You can even Get an online free text/phone number for them to make contact with you or request that they only email you. Please be careful.
Yes.
Ghosting is childish. If you want a guy to know something you have to tell him, this goes for any kind of communication. Every time I hear a girl saying “hope he gets a hint.” It’s like a guy saying “girl is going to come around.”
It’s not going to happen…
Now if it becomes verbally abusive after this point, then yes it is acceptable.
Yes, ghosting is fine. You don’t owe him shit.
I would say ghosting is not okay after three dates. Plus he knows your number and address. The proper thing to do is call him and tell him that you don’t feel you have the chemistry with him to move forward. Don’t give details as that will just send you down a rabbit hole of more and more questions. If you don’t feel you can say that to him then at least send a text but again don’t get into any further explanation. You may feel anxiety over doing this but it will be worse if you continue to try to ignore him as he will likely keep reaching out until you tell him something.
If you think he’s the type to turn up at your place then ghosting isn’t a good idea. Generally I’m against it unless they are dangerous (and don’t know your address) or continue to text after your rejection
Absolutely.
As long as you haven’t actually made a commitment then ghosting is fine. People need to get over their feelings of being entitled to a stranger’s time.
Ghosting is NEVER ok, regardless of circumstances. Just tell them the truth and prove that you have a backbone.
No
ghosting it the worst possible thing you can do. assuming that you are scared of the guy and you think he will do something crazy. This will completely send him over the edge.
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I understand that he is going to want to ask a million questions, but he should be atleast somewhat logical.
There are lots of other women out there. Do you really want to date someone that isnt into you ? things like this. Then if he keeps harrassing you then I would say if you keep this up I will have to block you…