Dating : Is going dutch on dates giving the wrong impression?
So I am a lady that insists on going dutch on dates, there are the few occasions where a guy insists or grabs the bill before I can ask for it to be split so I’d say about 90% of the time I’m paying for my own tab.
I’m a modern girl, living in a modern progressive city but it almost seems like some men take my insistence to pay for my own food or drink as a sign I’m not interested, or they see no romantic interest in me.
Am I making it feel more like getting to know a friend rather than a date by going dutch?
That’s an indication you want to be friends. No matter how progressive, there’s still this social script that tells us men are supposed to court women somewhat. I’ve never met a man who liked me who didn’t want to pay for all of our dates. If you’re that adamant, I’d say to talk about it or seek men that are into that
Definitely not, as a guy I would love if you suggested that. I’m certainly not going to get a friendzone vibe just from that. Good on you for being the minority!
Also note that the two people that replied to you saying its a friendzone indicator, are both women. Look at it from the guys point of view, not another girl.
Going dutch on dates is a very good impression!
Men want to make a good impression to the girl for paying everything. This way they often think they increase their way of getting a relationship with you.
If you want to pay your part they must accept this. If they don’t.. then let the first disagreement « of your relationship » begin. XD
It is, the only times I’ve gone Dutch is with a friend, or someone I was making it clear I only wanted friendship.
On that note, I have taken care of the tab on some occasions in order to let the guy know I appreciate his efforts.
It’s fine you offered. And let it be fine if they grab the check.
Everybody is reading too much into everything. Maybe the guy took the check to be generous. Maybe he took it cause he wants you to owe him something. Maybe he took it because it isn’t a financial inconvenience and it really isn’t a big deal. Maybe he’s trying to be flirty.
Offer if would like. But if he insists, let him pay. Is this really the battle to have?
I’m a very liberal person, but sometimes us liberal/progressive folks complicate things way too much.
Just go with the flow. This is a first world problem and shouldn’t be getting all the energy you’re putting into this.
Good luck.
I have a good job and make good money. A lot of guys don’t so in a way I want to pay because that’s my scent I want to give off when I first meet someone. I want them to gage that I worked hard to get where I am. When you do things like go Dutch then you’re really just accepting a new norm that says it’s ok for men to be dumbasses and still get dates. I do like independence and a positive form of feminism, but I see a lot more girls these days get fooled and tricked into dating total losers. More and more men are not working a full week and move on from job to job because women feed it. They accept men that don’t have their life basics together. So because of how the dating world has changed maybe you should have them pay.
While I don’t mind paying at all, I can be stingy at times so it’s appreciated. Also shows you’re not just going on a date with me for a free meal. Another approach is covering one thing while your date covers another. My ex and I would do this when going to the movies, I’d get the tickets and she’d get the popcorn.
Not at all; it’s great that you offer and are willing to do so. If anything, maybe let the date know a bit in advance that you’d feel more comfortable paying your own way and that the reason is because you enjoy his company and don’t want to burden him.
I can see why women want the man to pay; as to show his investment of being interested in her and putting forth the effort to court her. I’d find the effort endearing as well if the guy was doing it simply due to being a gentleman and not because he was expecting sex as repayment. I think it’s a generational difference; younger adults will find going Dutch normal and not link “who pays” as the level of one’s interest, as older adults might.
I thought you meant « dutch oven » that’s something different.
Yes please do not stop doing it. Way too few women do. It sucks that men are expected to pay…women make their own money these days. Paying your share shows that you want to contribute equally, which is a huge green flag for me.