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Dating : Is he (30m) interested in me (27f) or am I wasting my time?

Dating : Is he (30m) interested in me (27f) or am I wasting my time?


Okay, so I’ve known him for over a year, we met at the gym and get along really well. We have a lot in common and talk about all kinds of things and the conversation feels natural most the time. Sometimes there’s that awkward lull in the convo and on my side it’s because I get nervous around him sometimes and my mind goes blank and I can’t think of anything to say (you know that awkward crush brain that fails to form any thought apart from « damn he’s cute, I don’t know what to say, the hell do I do with my arms, is my face making weird looks? » kinda situation). Recently I was getting the impression he might like me back. He texted me early in the morning a few days in a row about random things, would send me selfies and we’d excitedly talk about the new marvel movies and switch games. We talk games a lot (something we have in common) and he lent me his zelda amiibo to use in game to help me out. I didn’t ask for them, he just bought them to the gym and handed them too me and I was so grateful but basically just gushed and said « thanks, you’re awesome » a few times. He said I could keep them until I finish the game (which might be a while lol). Buy since then he has stopped replying to my texts, just simple texts like suggesting a show he might like or a game meme or whatever. I understand it sounds immature for people our age but we are functioning adults outside of our gaming interests.

He just feels hot and cold, like he used to be excited to talk, but now he ignores my texts, but he seems excited when I see him in person. We still talk the same in person and it’s like nothing has changed, but he hasn’t text me back after the last 3 times I’ve text him (3 times in the past 3 weeks, I’m not pushy or anything, just trying to start a conversation). Should I back off? Approach him less at the gym and just let him dictate our interactions? Am I making it awkward, am I missing obvious hints he’s not interested, am I reading to much into his friendliness? I suppose I’ve been single for so long that I’m probably looking a bit desperate and I know that’s a pretty unattractive trait.
I dont know, just hoping for some outside perspective. Please help.

What do you think?

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  1. You’re wasting your time by not asking him out. Even if y’all go to the same gym, you’re adults who can handle a potential relationship not working out. Being into videogames isn’t childish, being stuck in crush limbo when you can do something about it… Kind of is. If it turns out good, then great. If not, oh well, at least you have a good friend (and if he makes things awkward then good riddance, you deserve better partners/friends)

  2. How much do you value your current friendship? If it wouldn’t be a huge loss then I would just ask him out. If he turns you down then it’ll be slightly awkward for a week or so at the gym.

    On the flip side maybe he’s just mirroring what he’s getting back from you? Remember he works at this gym so he might be extremely hesitant to ask a patron out unless he’s almost positive you’re interested in him…

  3. Honestly, this advice you’re getting is bullshit. « Don’t let him see your interested?! Act aloof. Don’t respond to texts and act like your busy » What are we, 12?

    It’s real simple, if you like the guy, simply say, « I’m attracted to you and I wanted to know if you feel the same about me? »

    That’s it. It cuts through the non-sense and gets straight to the point. If I’m not sure, I ask this question so I’m not wasting my time and energy talking to someone I’m attracted to but isn’t attracted to me. This prevents « catching feelings » for someone who might only see you as « just a friend » and stringing yourself along because of a fantasy.

    It’s okay for you to feel as you do, but if you hide it and act like a princess while refusing to be vulnerable, that’s on you and you can’t blame him if, after months of pining over him, he strolls in one day with a « new girlfriend » or talks to you like one of his « guy pals ».

    Personally, based on what you’ve shared, he isn’t doing anything more than what he’d do with his male friends. If I’m into a girl, I want to « see her, see her », not loan her video games and text « when I feel like it », because when I’m into a girl romantically, I want to hear and talk to her nearly every day just to hear her voice, see her to touch her skin, make eye contact, etc. I want to DATE her, spend time her place or mine, cook food for, hold hands, be touchy, flirty, etc.

    That’s a big one…is there obvious flirting? light teasing? Do you FEEL sexual tension?

    My guy friends I get excited to see in person, too, but we can EASILY go weeks, if not months no speaking before our next encounter. With a woman, it’s NEVER like that. I want to spend time with a woman I’m sexually attracted to far more often.

    …then again, that’s just the common differences I have with male friends vs. females. He’s treating you very much like what I’m accustomed to with male friends, but, he is his own person and maybe he is into you. since you’re unsure, you’re gonna’ have to set aside your pride and ask him point blank just like when we past that note around in grade school…

    « I like you. Do you like me? Yes or no? »

  4. Be an adult you say you are, and ask him on a date. The two of you will fully sabotage the potential if you two keep bullshitting each other.

  5. Never double text a guy. He already seen it the first time. If a guy is going cold then you go cold too. Just work on yourself and become more busy. When your going to the gym just ignore him unless he comes up to you. Then, say you have to go. When he reaches out to you (guys do come back), You look busy say you have work to do. You need to make the guy chase. People do have time and he is not busy. After u do this then and start to see other guys as well.

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